[ 30. they all fall down ]
T A E H Y U N G⚠️

i'm not ready i'm not ready
i'm not ready i'm not ready

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Football practice consists of a lot of slurs, shoves, and dirty looks from all of his teammates, but Taehyung doesn't care— he's used to this already.

He has expected this to happen, in fact, it's inevitable. Taehyung didn't care his opportunity to be team captain has been revoked. He didn't even bat an eyelash when his teammates kicked him out of the lockeroom, too afraid that he would prey on them.

As hard as it is, he keeps his head down and mouth shut. It's pointless trying to argue back for rights that didn't exist in the first place. Nobody here is willing to change their minds overnight.

Often would he be shoved roughly, or someone would add more force than necessary to a tackle. The defense around him would fall, leaving an opening for the opposite team to ram right into him with full power.

It's tough, and the coach doesn't care that Taehyung's being brutally tackled by players twice his size. Taehyung, luckily, can take on their weight but that doesn't mean he's immune to concussions.

The coach, however, looks the other direction and shoves the blame on Taehyung for not starting a play properly. Of course it's the gay kid's fault.

"Get off Kim. Jason, you're up," He gestures at Taehyung to leave the field, though his eyes never meet his. Like everybody else, he's afraid. Afraid to look at the gay boy because he might get sick too.

"Faggots like you aren't meant for sports," Jason shoulder-checks him hard when he passes by. Taehyung doesn't stumble back, instead, he holds his ground. Jaw tightening, he licks at his dry lips.

"Thanks," Taehyung replies, keeping his voice low. Everyone's eyes are on them, wondering what's going on. A couple of the boys on the field even curse at Taehyung to stop holding Jason back.

Taehyung tries his best to remain unbothered, but it's practically impossible for one person to endure so much pain. The edges of Jason's lips curl into a knowing sneer, and God,  Taehyung just wants to punch him in the fucking face.

"Rapists like you belong in fucking prison," He spits back. Jason's smile falters slightly, his eyes widening a little. He flashes him a frown and elbows his side before walking off and taking his position.

It goes like this for the rest of the practice. They never let Taehyung off the bench despite Jason's average ability at being a quarterback. Every one of them knows Taehyung is better, but of course, they say nothing since he's gay.

To them, gay kids can't play sports. They're too feminine, weak, and delicate. They're basically girls and playing sports is simply an excuse to touch other boys. Taehyung bets he'll probably be out of the team when a mother finds out he's gay sooner or later.

"Kim!" The coach finally calls his name after what feels like eons. Taehyung scrambles up onto his feet, clutching his helmet but he notices everyone else is heading to the lockers.

"Run five laps. I don't need to explain to you why, right?" He orders, flatly. Taehyung's an idiot for thinking he even has a chance anymore. He nods stiffly, throwing his helmet to the turf to run while everyone else changes.

By the time he returns to the lockers, everyone left grows silent. They all stare at him, carefully changing behind the privacy of their lockers. The boys keep their towels around them, fearing Taehyung would sneak a peek.

Taehyung swallows thickly as he approaches his locker. Changing couldn't be anymore stressful. The people beside him wouldn't move away from his locker until they were done. That takes while since they're obviously moving slow to piss Taehyung off. And once they're gone, the name-calling grows louder and louder.

"Shut the fuck up won't you?" Taehyung shouts, slamming his locker hard, silencing them. He grits his teeth, spinning around to get a look at his teammates.

All of them are staring right at him, not knowing what to say. It's the first time he's spoken up before, and honestly, it feels quite good. It's like a weight has been lifted off his chest and the heaviness that fills it is easing little by little.

"Mind your own fucking business," Taehyung snaps, returning to stuff his football gear into his gym bag. He allows himself to close his eyes for a moment, calming his racing heart.

However, someone taps his shoulder, prompting his eyelids to jump open. The moment he whips around to see what the person wants, his face is instantly met with a fist.

Taehyung stumbles back into the lockers, clutching his jaw. He swipes at his lip, the bitter taste of metal filling his mouth. Glancing down at the side of his knuckles, his shoulders tense spotting the stain of blood on his skin.

"You ain't the captain anymore Kim," Jason says, chuckling dryly. "Don't forget what you are."

A shadow darkens his piercing blue eyes, painting them a darker hue much closer to black. Taehyung's adams apple bobs angrily in his throat, the stinging sensation on his busted lip now numb with the rest of his being.

"Forget what?" Taehyung drawls, narrowing his gaze as he wipes his hand on his pants. He squares his shoulders, daringly taking a step closer to Jason, who's eyeing him carefully.

"Quit actin' stupid," Jason spats, shoving Taehyung back. This time, he holds his ground, not allowing himself to be some push-over. Taehyung's lips twist into a crooked smirk.

"No, you tell me, Jase. What am I?" Taehyung curls his fingers into tight fists by his sides, enjoying the way Jason's expression grows irritated with each passing second.

"A faggot. A cocksucker. That's what you are," Jason spits out. Their heights are leveled and so are their gazes. Neither one of them dare to surrender first.
Taehyung can feel his nails digging into his palms, the urge to hit him creeping up his nerves.

"Then what are you?" Taehyung asks, oddly patient. Jason presses his lips together, the skin between his eyebrows creasing slightly. He ends up frowning, not knowing how to answer.

"Well i'd like to point out that you're a fucking monster. How so?" Taehyung chuckles darkly, reaching over and pushing his shoulder back. "Well, first off, you don't have basic human rights! Second, you really have shit against girls thinking they're fucking objects! And third? You pretend you're all tough, but let's face it Jase. I can destroy your fucking ass."

Around them, their teammates erupt with 'oohs' and scattered whispers. It's no lie they have everyone's attention on them nearly hanging on the edge of curiosity. Taehyung's just itching to throw the first hit. It may be risky, but right now, it feels like the only way to do his Jeongguk justice.

"Really? I'd like to see you try," Jason frowns, now his turn to push Taehyung back with a little more force. Taehyung flashes him a smirk, swatting his away Jason's hand.

"Then do it. Hit me," Taehyung gestures at himself, even raising his hands up in surrender, mocking him. Jason scoffs, shaking his head. But before he gets the chance, Taehyung throws a jab to the side of his jaw.

Jason stumbles back, completely caught off guard. He blinks, trying to react as Taehyung's ready to punch him again. He lunges, hitting Jason square in the cheek. He goes again, living in the frenzy of adrenaline pumping through his system.

Eventually Jason wakes up from his daze, his arms now blocking Taehyung's hits. Taehyung's tongue swipes over his bottom lip, his head tilting to the side to crack the kink in his neck. The teammates' cheers are keeping him going, and all he can feel is the blood pounding in his veins.

"It's impossible to hide from me Kim. It's over— you've lost it all, my friend," Jason growls, wiping away the blood on his mouth with his sleeve. Taehyung chuckles dryly, rolling his eyes.

"It's not over yet until I say it's over," He shakes his head, a small smirk on his lips as he pushes his sleeves up. "C'mon Jase. Hit me."

"Fuck you Kim," Jason scoffs, spatting blood onto the floor. And before Taehyung knows it, Jason's rushing forward, tackling Taehyung to the ground.

They're on the floor, fists thrown and limbs struggling against one another's. Taehyung's pushing him back, eventually shoving Jason off him and into the lockers with a loud crash.

His breathing quickens while his adrenaline slowly working against him. He gets up to his feet, reeling his foot back before slamming it into Jason's side. Jason groans, clutching his stomach. However, as Taehyung prepares to do it again, someone grabs his arm.

Suddenly Jason's buddies are jumping in to help Jason. Taehyung's too slow to dodge the hits they inflict on him, the singular defense he puts up not enough to protect him from every side.

They're ganging up on him, punches coming from either side and landing on his body. Each blow erupts with a burst of pain on his body, and his stamina's running out fast. Taehyung's slammed repeatedly against the lockers, helpless and outnumbered.

He crashes to the ground, arms above his head but it's no use. They begin jabbing their feet into his sides, beating him from every angle and opening they can force. Taehyung chokes for air, one of their shoes digging into his lungs.

Jason's shrill laughter mixed with the cheers from the crowd keeps them going. Taehyung's vision is dotted with black stars. Pain burns all over him, and his blood splatters all over his face and onto the ground.

"Fuck him up! Kill the faggot!" Everyone shouts at the same time. Taehyung can barely hear what's going on over the sound of static in his ears.

Eventually, Taehyung gives up protecting himself. His limp arms drop to his sides, his lungs close, and his eyes struggle to stay open. He fights for air, the sharp poking in his lungs depleting him of it faster and faster.

"What the fuck are you guys doing?" Someone screams, but Taehyung can't hear them anymore. The crowd of bodies suffocating him part, allowing this person in.

The attack on him ceases, and suddenly, Taehyung can barely feel someone help him up onto his feet. Instantly his legs sway beneath him, and the pain stabbing at his entire body multiples by tenfold.

"He's human for fucks sake. Y'all disgust me," The person shouts, his hold on Taehyung gentle yet firm. Taehyung's eyes nearly flutter shut, his body unable to support itself any longer.

"Let's get outta here Kim," He whispers to Taehyung, his voice oddly familiar but his thoughts are too scattered. He nods stiffly, grimacing when his stomach feels like it's being stabbed repeatedly.

Limping, Taehyung lets the stranger lead him out of the lockerroom. Somewhere along the lines, he even blacks out, unable to keep fighting any longer.

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J E O N G G U K ⚠️

Jeongguk doesn't know why he's lingering in the livingroom when he can hear his mom in the kitchen, preparing for dinner.

Grace had dropped him off not too long ago after spending hours at her house trying to calm down. She tried everything to assure him it's going to be alright, though Jeongguk knows nothing will be the same anymore.

It's too late— everybody will know. So Jeongguk has decided to suck it up and go home, knowing there's no way he can possibly avoid his parents. They'll find out eventually. There's no way to hide.

Jeongguk gulps, exchanging his school shoes for slippers and heading to the kitchen. He can hear his mom humming, obviously in a good mood while she's cooking. However, his dad is nowhere to be found, which scares him just a little.

"Oh! Jeongguk, sit down," His mom smiles gently at him, noticing him standing by the doorway. She gestures to the table that's already set, and for some reason Jeongguk finds himself holding his breath.

He wonders if she knows what has happened to him at school— word passes fast around their town. Jeongguk studies her features, praying that she doesn't know, and after awhile he realizes she really is clueless.

"You feeling okay?" Her smile falls a little noticing how he hasn't moved from his spot yet. She walks up to him and places her hand on his forehead.

"Are you sick? You feel a little warm," She murmurs, her hand now settling on his shoulder. For some reason Jeongguk can't meet her eyes as he nods stiffly, tongue tangled in his mouth.

"C'mon. Your father's on his way back from the church. He got a call earlier saying it was urgent, and you know him," Jeongguk tenses at the information, knowing for a fact that information was about him.

His adam's apple bobs wearily, the inside of his throat beginning to swell shut. He lets his mom lead him to the table, still completely numb. Concern flits evidently in her motherly eyes, and Jeongguk knows that won't last long when she'll figure out who he really is.

He wonders if she'll still love him along with his father. As much as he doesn't say much to her nowadays, he loves her with his entire existence.

"I love you Mom," He blurts out. His mom's eyebrows raise a little, slightly taken a back. He gulps, wondering if he did anything wrong when she doesn't answer.

A moment passes and her features begin to soften. Her lips pull into a sweet smile and she reaches over, ruffling his hair like she used to do when he was little. Jeongguk leans into her touch, trying his best to savor it, knowing damn well this is the last time things will ever be normal.

"I love you too, Gguk," She chuckles gently, and God, Jeongguk can feel the piles of weight on his chest beginning to crush him. He nods meekly, cramming his lips into a smile.

"No matter what, I'll love you. You're my only son," His mom laughs again, the sound bittersweet in Jeongguk's ears. She turns around to check her cooking, and that's when Jeongguk finally lets his shoulders slump.

He can't seem to pretend anymore. Everything he says feels like a lie and the guilt the squeezes his chest is suffocating, unbearable. He exhales shakily, slowly combing his fingers through his hair as his gaze averts to the front door where he expects his father to come in any second.

"Did you have a good day at school today?" She asks him, cheerful. Jeongguk feels a wave of nausea crash over him, his eyelids instantly falling shut to force the day's events out of his mind.

"It was good," He says, the words leaving his mouth not sounding at all like his own. It was hell.

Despite his efforts to block it all out, he can replay it over and over in his mind as if someone tattooed it to his memories. Jeongguk gulps back down the burn of bile rising up his throat, cupping his hand over his mouth to fight the dry sob that dares to escape.

All he can see is himself, lying down on that bed completely out of it. It's like he's reliving it all over again, feeling everything and nothing at the same time. Hot and cold. Burning and numb. He can vividly remember the ghost of the boy's hands gripping onto his thighs, digging his nails into them.

He can feel the person's mouth over him, violating him like his body is another toy to use. He can remember his drugged system reacting little by little, and someone moving his hands. Clicks, faint conversation, and the loud music blaring from outside fill his ears.

Jeongguk's breath begins to quicken, the tears he's been trying so hard to keep in ripping at his eyes. Every inch of his skin feels disgusting, contaminated. It doesn't feel like his own anymore, and he wants nothing but to escape. It's like all of his insecurities have been amplified.

He holds his tired head in his shaky palms, willing himself to calm down repeatedly. He doesn't want to freak out in front of his mom.Who knows how she'd react if he told her someone raped him. She might not even believe him, or she might get mad at him for being with a boy.

All of him seems to be falling apart, and this time, he's not strong enough to pick up his pieces.

"How was work today love?" His mom's voice brings him back to his reality. Jeongguk's shoulders tense as he keeps his stare fixed to his lap. He can't bring himself to meet anyone of their eyes.

He hears the front door slam shut, making Jeongguk flinch in his seat. His father's foot steps echo across the wooden flooring, each step he takes making Jeongguk's heart race in his chest. Jeongguk gulps, slipping his trembling beneath his legs to calm them.

"Chaeha come here," His dad's voice is calm, but wht does Jeongguk expect? He's a really calm person, yet Jeongguk can't deny the anger brewing in his tone.

Jeongguk's entire body begins to shake, each tremor that hits is more violent than the last. He swallows, feeling the walls of his throat tighten and his lungs constrict. Jeongguk bites down hard on his lip, trying hard to remain unbothered in his seat, metal on his tongue.

"What's wrong?" His mom asks, confused. Jeongguk can hear his dad pull her to the kitchen, the two of them conversing back and forth in hushed Korean. They speak fast, too fast for Jeongguk to understand.

Suddenly, his mom gasps. Jeongguk closes his eyes shut, his head swaying. Biles crawls up his throat but he doesn't fight it, letting himself taste the bitterness in his mouth.

His mom's saying something in Korean repeatedly, nearly choking on a sob. Jeongguk slowly lifts his gaze from his lap to where his parents stand, feeling his heart fall in his chest when his mom's saddened eyes meet his.

"T-Tell me y-you're not," She whispers softly, her words wavering. Jeongguk's gaze darts between his parents, feeling panic swell in his chest and wrapping itself around his throat, suffocating him.

"Tell you what?" Jeongguk lets out quietly, unable to hear himself over the pounding of his heartbeat nearly deafening him.

"Are you one of those homosexuals?" She repeats, though instead of sadness in her voice it's disgust. There's no essence of motherly-love in her eyes anymore. She's staring at him like he's a stranger.

"M-Mom," Jeongguk whispers, stunned, getting up from his seat. He watches his mom cover her mouth, muffling the sob that leaves her lips. He tries to move towards them, but they take a step back.

"I didn't raise you to be like this," His dad growls, and never has Jeongguk heard him raise his voice. Jeongguk feels the tears well in his eyes, though he doesn't fight them. He's already so weak.

"W-Why do you want to be like that?" She says stiffly, tears of her own beginning to form. "Why did you choose to b-be like them?" She gestures to him, pressing her lips into a tight line.

"M-mom l-listen," Jeongguk begs. He's crying hard, and everything around him is spinning. She shakes her head, pressing her fingers to the bridge of her nose.

"Answer us, Jeongguk. We don't need your damned excuses," His dad snaps coldly. Jeongguk turns to look at him, his shoulders cowering as his dad reaches forward, grabbing fistfuls of his collar into his tight grip.

"D-Dad I'm s-sorry," Jeongguk cries out, grabbing at his hands to pry them off but it's no use— his dad is stronger than him. Jeongguk shakes his head, begging him to let him go.

"Are you a faggot son? Is that so hard to answer?" His dad shouts, shaking him roughly. Gut-wrenching sobs tear through his chest. Jeongguk keeps trying to push him off, blubbering that he's hurting him.

His dad shoves him back, and Jeongguk bumps into the little island. He grips the counter to support him, unable to see anything through the tears that blur his eyes. His mom is sobbing softly to herself, and his dad is seething with so much anger Jeongguk can't recognize that it's his own father.

Jeongguk swallows, his stomach twisting and his heart falling apart in his chest. He eyes them both, his body being wracked with an onslaught of sobs and tears. He runs his shaky hands through his hair, tugging at his scalp and nearly suffocating.

"Answer me!" His dad's voice booms, making Jeongguk flinch. He hiccups, letting his eyes fall shut as he tries to steady his uneven breathing. There's no use in lying anymore, he thinks.

"Fine," He whispers, voice sounding small. Jeongguk scrubs at his wet cheeks with his sleeve, letting out a short breath before saying;

"I'm gay, okay? Is that what you want to hear?"

Jeongguk shouts angrily at them, the sadness and crippling guilt subsiding into frustration, anger. He wipes at his eyes, finally having enough of all these lies he's been telling himself.

None of this is about religion anymore. Whoever he chooses to love isn't determined by some religion. All the lies, the doubts, and the times Jeongguk has feared to label himself mean nothing to him anymore. He's so tired of them, and now, he just wants to accept himself.

"I'm gay," Jeongguk repeats, suddenly feeling calm yet his entire body still seems to shake. He watches his parents exchange incredulous looks at one another, disgust and hate still present in their eyes.

His mom then steps up, her eyes red and cheeks blotchy. She shakes her head, biting her lip to supress the sob she's obviously trying to hold back. She looks up at him, disappointment all over her features.

Next thing Jeongguk knows is that the silence is interrupted by a harsh slap. His head is turned to the side and his cheek stings, but he no longer feels like crying. He exhales shakily, nodding stiffly. This is the first time she's ever hit him.

"Go to your room," His mom says, struggling to keep her composure. "You need help Jeongguk. You're sick," She spits out, her words more painful than a slap to the face.

"I'll call up some friends to see if there's any way we can fix this," He hears his dad say, tiredness in his tone. Jeongguk glances at him, feeling nothing when his father runs a hand down his face.

Jeongguk's breath hitches in his throat when his mom runs past him, running straight to the bathroom. He doesn't have to guess what's going on when he can hear her vomiting. He's just as disgusted with himself as she is.

"You've really disappointed me tonight, kid," His dad says, still not looking him in the eye which is quite understandable.

"I can't allow a faggot in this household you know."
Jeongguk nods quietly, letting the situation finally sink in.

Everything around him seems to be falling apart, and he can't do anything about it. He just stands there, hiccuping and wiping away the tears staining his face with his palms. It's like someone had hollowed him out, leaving him the shell of the person he used to be.

Who knows what will happen next. Jeongguk doesn't have much of an idea of what they're going to do with him. He never thought he would be hurting this bad yet he feels so calm, so empty. All he knows is that they'll be searching for ways to get him help.

He doesn't know why he isn't fighting back, but maybe it's because he's finally given up. Taehyung can't protect him from everything, and it was foolish of him to believe so. It's also his fault for becoming like this, though he knows it isn't a choice — it's who he is and how he wants to love.

It was stupid of him to believe he had a future with Taehyung. Everything's already over despite the fact things were just getting started.

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THE END OF THE SINNERS

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THE RUINED COMING SOON