[ 21. happier ]
J E O N G G U K

i just love updating
and of course, you guys MORE💛

also listen to mikrokosmos, euphoria, & roman holiday to get the full WB experience (;

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Jeongguk laughs awkwardly, breaking the silence the four of them are in. He can feel everyone's eyes on him, waiting for his next move when he himself is unsure of what to do.

Honestly, what do you do when someone catches you kissing someone else?

"Wanna talk in the kitchen?" Jeongguk asks, jabbing his thumb to the room beside them. Justin nods slowly, his expression blank as he leads Jeongguk a couple doors down to the kitchen.

Now alone, Jeongguk lets out the breath he realizes he's been holding the entire time. There's this wall of awkwardness separating them both, and the way Justin's staring at his feet and kicking dust isn't helping.

"I didn't mean to hurt you or anything," Jeongguk starts, his voice shaking with each word he says. Justin looks up from the ground, his lips pressed into a thin line.

"It's all good," Justin shrugs, though the smile that fits onto his lips isn't quite as effortless as his usual ones. "You should have told me earlier, but Grace kinda told me about it."

"I know, and wow she's something," Jeongguk sighs, running a hand through his hair, unable to shake the weight of guilt off his shoulders. "I'm really, really sorry," He apologizes.

"Jeongguk, it's fine," Justin reaches over and pats his shoulder, chuckling. "Believe it or not, I've had my fair shares of rejection. It took like six times to get Laura to date me." He laughs wistfully at the memory, sadness glowing in his eyes.

"Are you sure?" Jeongguk frowns, nervously fiddling with the sleeve of his oversized sweater. Justin nods, smiling widely and ruffles his hair.

"I got a strong heart," Justin chuckles, lightly hitting his heart with his fist. At this, Jeongguk giggles, his worry slowly easing away.

"Anyways, I'm glad Taehyung has you. Grace also kinda mentioned he's going through some shit like me too," He adds, his hand cupping the side of his neck.

Jeongguk feels his cheeks heating up remembering their kiss not too long ago. He simply nods, chewing on the inside of his cheek knowing that Justin probably saw them.

"Can we still be friends?" Jeongguk then asks out of the blue, his eyebrows creasing when Justin's eyes suddenly go wide. His ears turn red, but nonetheless he smiles at him and bobs his head.

"'Course Guk, I'd love to be your friend," Justin grins, nudging his side playfully. Jeongguk finds himself smiling, and he too pushes his side. It feels better this way, to be honest. There's no pressure to make things work or hide things at least.

"Should we head back?" Justin suggests, gesturing back to the living room. Jeongguk agrees, and together, they return to see Grace and Taehyung arguing over Disney movies.

Jeongguk rolls his eyes, happy their dynamic is back to normal. He joins them on the couch, sitting right next to Taehyung and feeling at ease when he feels his arm wrap around his waist, naturally pulling him close to his body.

Grace and Justin try their best not to third-wheel, the duo heading over to the VHS player to figure out what movie to watch. Taehyung and Jeongguk sit in silence, Taehyung's thumb tracing hearts beneath his shirt while Jeongguk plays with his long fingers.

After awhile of Grace making fun of Justin, and Justin flicking her forehead because she's so short, they all settle on watching Heathers (which was of course, Grace's choice).

"Winona Ryder is hot," Grace sighs only thirty minutes into the movie, swatting Justin's hand away from her popcorn bowl. "I'd so date a Winona Ryder."

"Honestly same, but I like the red Heather better and kinda JD too," Justin agrees with her, smacking the popcorn out of Grace's hand before it reaches her mouth. She gives him a dirty look and punches his arm.

"If you two weren't gay, you could be dating," Taehyung points out when Grace's is about to smack him again for stealing her popcorn, snorting when Grace and Justin's attention snaps in his direction.

Both of them scowl, shouting in unison how they'd never date one another even in another lifetime. Jeongguk snickers, leaning into Taehyung's chest while watching the two with a big smile. It's great to see Grace getting along with someone else.

"You just ruined the mood," Grace groans, setting her bowl on the coffee table, her features crumpling with disgust. "Anyone wanna go for a drive? I'm beat," She yawns, her curls falling over her eyes.

"We can head to the Lake," Justin suggests, but in a second he's met with three people shouting no. "Okay, geez, I feel the love," He laughs, raising his hands in surrender.

"Maybe we can sneak into the community pool and order shakes from Benny's?" Grace rubs her hands together, already smiling at her master plan.

Justin makes a face, "That's boring. I already have a membership." Grace groans angrily and punches his shoulder, smirking when he recoils in pain.

"Screw you rich boring people," She sticks her tongue out. Taehyung and Jeongguk exchange worried looks, thankful Grace isn't that violent with them.

"Hey, what about the roller rink?" Shooting up in his seat, Jeongguk gasps, remembering the place. Grace's features soften, eyes widening as she seems to remember it too.

"I haven't been there since I was in middle school," She squeals, clapping her hands excitedly. "We should go!" She reaches over and gives Jeongguk a high-five, the two smiling goofily.

"God we're gonna be the tallest people there," Justin sighs, rubbing his shoulder to ease the pain. Grace rolls her eyes.

"So? It'll be nice to feel like little kids again," She counters, crossing her arms over her chest. "Plus you're the only adult here. Consider you our chaperone."

"I'm seventeen, dweeb," Justin scoffs. Grace snorts, "Sure you are, gramps."

"Okay, plan settled," Taehyung interrupts them, already growing tired from their bickering. "Afterward do you guys wanna go to Lover's Peak?"

"What's Lover's Peak?" Jeongguk asks, turning to face him. Taehyung reaches up and pushes back some of his bangs behind his ear, grinning fondly at the boy.

Grace coughs out "gay", interrupting the moment. Taehyung flips her off, too focused on Jeongguk to care. At this, Grace rolls up her sleeves, but thankfully Justin's holding her back and clamping his hand over her mouth.

"It's a spot I found when I drive around by myself," Taehyung continuing, amusement twinkling in his dark eyes as he watches Grace wrestles Justin off her.

"It's a place that overlooks the entire town, and we can see the sunset from there."

"We can probably buy food and watch it then," Justin shoves Grace into the couch and gets up, reaching for his car keys that are sitting on the table.

"Ooh let's buy those slushes from the gas station nearby," Grace gets up too, stretching. "I'm actually really stoked?"

"Let's get it then," Jeongguk laughs, smiling that bunny smile of his as Taehyung and he get up too.

Grace joins their side and throws her arms over Jeongguk, the trio heading to the door before Grace stops them. They all look over at her, wondering what's wrong until they realize she's grabbing Justin by the wrist to join them too.

"You're a friend now, gramps," Grace declares, pulling his arm over her shoulder. "Once you join us, you can't escape," She winks at him, smirking.

Justin rolls his eyes upon hearing the nickname, but nonetheless, the group walks out together as one, finally complete.

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The skating rink crashes over Jeongguk in a wave of bittersweet nostalgia. The blinding neon lights that gives you seizures, the mouth-watering scent of buttery popcorn and greasy pizza from the concessions, and the DJ playing 80s hits makes him feel twelve all over again.

"I told you, we're giants," Justin grumbles, tucking his hands into his coat pockets as the four approach the rink, their eyes squinting when the neon lights shine on them.

Inside there's middle schoolers half their height, happily enjoying the rink with friends or with their cute boyfriends and girlfriends. It's a Saturday night, so of course, the place is packed with people, but that doesn't matter. It's the experience that does.

"You're just bitter cause you're an adult," Grace elbows his sides, causing the poor boy to clutch his stomach and nearly double over.

"I'm seventeen I tell you! Seventeen!" Justin squeaks, holding his stomach tightly as he groans in pain.

"Can you not abuse Justin?" Taehyung snaps, his eyebrows knitting together watching him wince. Grace rolls her eyes and mutters an 'okay' and begrudgingly pats Justin's back.

"I swear, you're gonna kill him before we can skate," Jeongguk sighs, though his lips are curved into a smile. Honestly, he can't contain the excitement bubbling in him to skate after so long, he doesn't care what Grace does.

Taehyung also has his hand on Jeongguk's shoulder, that being the only way they can be near each other. It's not much, but it only makes Jeongguk even more happier knowing they don't have to worry so much here.

The group then goes to the counter and gets their skates. All of them choose a table near the rink, the group busy lacing on their skates they remain silent all until Grace is the first to stand.

"Holy fucking shit I'm gonna snap one of my fucking bones you hear me penis breaths?!" She half laughs, half cries out, getting a lot of dirty looks from nearby parents and children.

Taehyung and Justin wave awkwardly at them before turning to face her, giving her the same dirty look as the parents.

"Please shut up before you out us all," Taehyung pushes her side, making her stumble to the point she has to grab onto the railing.

Grace pushes aside her curls, her stare like knives as she looks about to murder Taehyung right then and there. Luckily, she's too busy trying to fight for her life, she doesn't try anything.

Jeongguk, on the other hand, is skating like a pro.

He's doing circles by the rink, spinning, and even skating backwards. Taehyung, Justin, and Grace's jaws are dropped, wondering what else this boy can possibly do.

"Okay no need to fuckin' rub it in," Grace whines, holding onto the railing for dear life as she slowly edges herself into the rink.

Taehyung and Justin aren't that bad at skating but none of them are as good as Jeongguk. Eventually, the four of them get onto the rink, each one of them wearing matching wide smiles.

"I want to fucking die, holy fucking shit," Grace pretends to cry. Unfortunately for her, she's still clinging to the railing.
Justin's standing beside her, holding his out to catch her fall just in case.

Taehyung and Jeongguk don't go too far, the duo skating side by side. Taehyung has his hands out, his jaw clenching and eyes focusing on the floor as he tries to keep his balance.

Jeongguk finds it cute whenever he slips up, the boy having to reach out for Jeongguk's hand to stable himself. And when Taehyung's obviously struggling, Jeongguk's heart does flips in his chest as he interlocks their fingers, happy that it's too dark for others to see what's going on.

"I can skate on my own," Taehyung mumbles, and beneath the bright, technicolor lights Jeongguk can see red seep onto his cheeks.

"Sure you can," Jeongguk giggles, squeezing his hand as the two do another round around the rink before joining Justin and Grace who still haven't moved from the same spot.

"Grace just hold onto me," Justin sighs, running a hand through his hair watching her legs collapse beneath her again.

"I'm not fuckin' touching you. I g-got this," She assures herself, gripping onto the pole to stand up. The boys watch her with pity, knowing there's no way she's got this.

"Fine, but don't think I like you Johnson," Grace grumbles, giving up and holding her hand out. Justin takes her hand, smirking at her knowingly as he helps her up.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Jeongguk asks her, his tone a little concerned watching her slip and practically throw herself onto Justin.

"Yeah, just fucking peachy," Grace nods, clinging onto Justin's arm for support. She gives him a sad thumbs-up when she finally steadies her feet.

"Sure you don't wanna sit down?" Taehyung chimes in, reaching over to help steady her again. Grace shakes her head quickly, swatting him away.

"No! Don't let me ruin the moment," She gestures tiredly at Taehyung and Jeongguk's intertwined hands.

At this, the duo instantly drop their hands, realizing they have been holding hands the entire time. Jeongguk bites his lip, trying to hide the blush on his face, the two of them not looking at eachother.

"C'mon Gracie, I'll just buy you food," Justin laughs, reaching over to wipe the sheen of sweat on her forehead. Grace finally gives in, defeated while Justin rolls her over to the exit.

Jeongguk and Taehyung are left alone together, the duo unsure of what to do. They awkwardly glance at one another, knowing there's no way they can make things not obvious.

"Um, wanna skate?" Taehyung clears his throat, holding his hand out, clearly embarrassed.

Jeongguk chuckles, fitting his hand perfectly in his. "It's the only thing we can do, dummy," He reaches up and pats Taehyung's cheek, smiling fondly at him.

They decide to hold eachother's hands and spin in circles, the two starting slow until they start to spin faster and faster. Jeongguk's laughing hysterically, his lungs aching as Taehyung laughs along with him, shouting his name out in between.

Soon enough, they get dizzy, so they have no choice but to stop. The two of them slow down, skating to a darker, empty part of the rink.

It's dim where they are, and as they face one another, hands locked, Taehyung slowly pulls him closer when the DJ plays something slower.

"Hey there," He murmurs, lowering his voice just for Jeongguk to hear. He swings their hands between them, a rectangular smile on his lips.

"Hi," Jeongguk replies, his lips aching from smiling and his lungs huffing for air. They stare at one another, getting lost in each other's presence as cheesy and cliche as it is.

There's something about Taehyung that leaves him breathless, and it's not because he's handsome beyond their time.

He guesses it's just the little things like the way his eyes seem to smile along with his lips, the little mole on his nose and the one hidden on his lip, and the tiny scar on the side of his mouth. Or perhaps how he laughs silently behind his hand, his deep, calming voice, and his boxy smile.

It's the natural things that make him so perfect, and that's what makes his heart fall for him over and over again.

"You know what would be cool," Taehyung chuckles teasingly, squeezing Jeongguk's hands. They break apart when people skate by, but the moment they're gone, they connect all over again.

"What is it?" Jeongguk asks, his doe eyes sparkling with adoration for the older. Taehyung smirks, running his thumb over his knuckles.

"You being my boyfriend," Taehyung whispers softly, watching as Jeongguk's eyes widen when he realizes what he's saying.

"M-me? You want me as your b-boyfriend?" Jeongguk stammers, the same burning sensation tickling his cheeks. Taehyung nods, smiling shyly, making Jeongguk's heart beat fast he can hear it throb in his ears.

"Well, not now," He adds quickly, seeing the worry surfacing on Jeongguk's expression. "I don't wanna label anything until you're sure, you know."

"Taehyung," Jeongguk sighs, shaking in head in disbelief. Taehyung raises an eyebrow at him, frowning slightly, "What? Did I say something wrong?"

"No, just, I'm sorry I'm making you wait," Jeongguk confesses, his voice gentle. He's still not there to confirm it with himself he's really gay. Jeongguk has no idea why it's so hard, and all of it is still so confusing.

"I don't care, love," Taehyung replies, dropping their hands. "I want to love you when you're ready to love yourself."

He reaches up to cup Jeongguk's face, but he remembers where they are and drops his hands to the sides.

Jeongguk says nothing, the words he wants to say melting away as he repeats Taehyung's words in his head. A smile breaks onto his face. It's one of those giddy smiles that you can't stop no matter how hard you try to.

"Wait, I got an idea," Taehyung holds a finger up and instantly shrugs off his jacket. Jeongguk looks at him, confused, watching as Taehyung holds his jacket out.

Taehyung scans the area, making sure nobody is looking their way. When the time's right, he tosses the jacket over their heads.

"What are you-," Jeongguk's brows crease in confusion, suddenly cut off when Taehyung quickly cups his face and presses a chaste, sweet kiss on his lips.

It ends as fast as it starts, and Taehyung's already shrugging his jacket on while Jeongguk's standing there, dumbfounded and at a lost for words.

"I'll be waiting for you too," Taehyung winks at him, reaching over to ruffle his hair with that charming smile of his once everything's back to normal.

Jeongguk returns his smile with one of his own, the fluttering feeling in his chest filling his body with a sensation so light it's like he's floating know that he too, is waiting for him.

They're gonna wait for each other no matter how long it takes because let's face it, Jeongguk likes him too.

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They leave the skating rink right after getting complaints from numerous parents of Grace's foul mouth, but the group doesn't mind as they hit the gas station to buy snacks for the next leg of their adventure.

"Jeez, you're like a fucking sailor," Justin flicks Grace's forehead, snorting a little when she gives him a death glare. The four of them are standing around the gas station, looking for food.

"Excuse you! I was fighting for my life in a near-death situation!" Grace argues back, standing by the slushy machine as she pours herself some cherry flavored slush.

"You mean you just suck ass at skating," Taehyung walks by and smacks the back of her head, sipping his soda with a smirk.

"I'm the fucking victim guys! I could ask Justin's mom to sue-,"

"-The only thing my mom will sue is your shit skating abilities," Justin sniggers, flinching when Grace turns with her fist raised, ready to punch him.

"C'mon guys, we gotta go," Jeongguk finishes paying for their drinks, his cola slushy in hand.

Justin, Grace, and Taehyung compete in a deadly stare down, but Grace ends up wnning and in turn flips the both of them off with a smile. They roll their eyes at her, but nonetheless the two boys roughly ruffle her hair as payback.

All of them cram into Taehyung's car. The roof's down, the radio is blasting, and the wind blows through their hair as they drive down the empty streets. It's like they're chasing euphoria, the sky above them transitioning from bright blue to lazy oranges and soft yellows.

Jeongguk closes his eyes, letting the cool wind kiss his cheeks and blow through his hair all over his face. He lifts his hand out the window, twirling his fingers as the wind brushes them gently.

Grace removes her scrunchie, shaking out her head full of curls loose as she gets onto the back. She steadies herself on the seat, holding her arms out as she tilts her chin up to the sky, the window blowing her hair back.

Taehyung notices this from the mirror and turns up the radio, making sure not to drive too fast.

Upon arriving at the peak, Taehyung parks his car a distance away from the cliff where a huge rock sits. The group get out, clutching their half-finished drinks, their cheeks all pink from the chill.

"Woah, this is-this is amazing!" Jeongguk gasps in awe, being the first to run towards the flat rock and climbing on top of it.

"You actually out done yourself," Grace pats Taehyung's back, smiling wide as she chases after Jeongguk.

Everyone follows after him, curious to see the view. When the four of them climb up on the rock, their feet dangling off the edge and their eyes focused on the view, they all forget to breathe.

Below them is the entire city. It's all small, and as the sun sets buildings light up the horizon. The sun kisses the edge of the world, and from there it feels like they're on top of it all.

Four teenagers feeling like they've lost everything in a society where they're shamed for loving differently. They've all hit rock bottom, fought tough battles, and all of them have felt lost numerous of times.

Yet all of a sudden, they feel like they're in the right place after all.

"When I was outed, I thought I was never going to feel complete again," Grace says out of nowhere, the sun's glow engulfing her in a golden light.

"My parents divorced, I lost my girlfriend, I moved far away from home to come here. I was afraid being myself because when I was, I still lost it all," Grace's voice trails off, her words turning into a whisper as tears well in her eyes.

"And then I met you guys. Like, I-I don't know, but spending time with you losers make me feel happier," She chuckles softly, reaching up to wipe the tears from her eyes. "With you, I'm myself, and I'm the best version of myself and it's like ya'll are a reminder that I do deserve good things."

"Gosh, didn't think you'd be so emotional," Taehyung laughs gently, instantly getting smacked by Grace. However, insead of fighting him, she laughs along too.

"Honestly, I agree," Justin speaks up, nodding as a dimpled smile of his own fits on his face. "After Michael outed me, my entire life just...got put on hold I guess. Like just because I'm gay, suddenly everything I worked for doesn't matter because who I want to love determines how I can live."

"That's really stupid," Jeongguk murmurs, his chest feeling heavy as he listens to their stories. He's never really experienced anything like them, but he knows deep down that he supports them with all his heary.

"It is," Justin nods, sighing softly, swinging his legs. "At least when I go to Kansas I can start fresh, but I gotta admit, it's fun with you guys. It's like I can be free without worrying, you know?"

Everyone nods in unison, a comfortable silence falling over them. Nobody says anything for awhile, but Jeongguk then hears Taehyung suck in a deep breath, the boy beside him swallowing.

"I'm still a little unsure if I wanna tell you guys everything, but since we're confessing I guess I'll add," He laughs, running a hand through his hair. Jeongguk's eyes widen, not expecting him to say anything at all yet stays silent, listening to him.

"I got outed by my closet friend. I don't blame him though. It was either me or him, and I'm not mad at him for outing me because we knew he would suffer worse than me," Taehyung confesses, his voice shaking.

Jeongguk reaches for his hand, intertwining their fingers tightly. Taehyung looks at him, his lips pulling into a sad smile as he clears his throat, squeezing his hand back.

"It messed up my entire life. Everything went down hill. I had to leave my life behind to be someone else, to fix myself. I could have said no, but I guess I wanted help too because what I am is unacceptable to them," He whispers, pain evident in his voice.

"I wanted to change. I didn't want to suffer anymore, so I thought maybe if I tried-If I just tried," Taehyung's voice breaks, "If I went along with the therapy I could be better."

Jeongguk's heart drops in his chest as everything clicks. So that's where he goes on Saturdays, and that's why he's acting weird.

It all makes sense.

"Oh fuck, Taehyung," Grace murmurs, turning her head towards him, her lips pulling into a frown. He shakes his head, a pained smile on his face.

"But then I met someone, and I guess he made me realize that maybe the pain and the suffering is worth it if it means I can have him. If I get to love him," Taehyung smiles weakly, glancing over at Jeongguk.

Jeongguk squeezes his hand tighter, his heart thumping wildly in his chest as Taehyung confesses the hard truth. Nothing else matters in that moment except for them, and Jeongguk just wishes he can take their pain away.

"From there, I met other people who helped me realize it isn't wrong and I'm not a monster. It still gets to me sometimes, but just being here, existing with you guys helps me live with it," He concludes, his lips trembling as hot tears slip down the curves of his cheek.

"So uh thanks for being there I guess. Thanks for making me feel loved and what not," Taehyung laughs softly, swiping at his eyes with the back of his palm.

"Fuck I'm crying." He continues to laugh shakily, the tears keep flowing.

At this, Grace throws her arms around him, hugging him tight. Jeongguk soon follows, burying his face in the crook of his neck. Justin also gets in, his arms thrown around Grace and Taehyung as he pats Taehyung's back.

"I love you all," Grace hiccups, squeezing them in a group hug. "Fuck, I love you idiots."

They all sit there, the sun setting, their feelings out in the open as they let themselves be vulnerable for once. Everything hurts yet at the same time it's like the broken parts of them are being picked up by one another.

Grace is the first to pull away. They all turn their gazes to her as she stands up. She then cups her hands around her lips, her eyes puffy and red and voice thick.

"Fuck you all! I'm gay and I'm fucking proud!" She screams at the top of her lungs at the town below them. "Fuck you mom! Fuck you hateful jerks!"

Justin's the next to get up, copying her. "Fuck you Michael! Fuck you parents! Fuck everyone who hates me for being myself! Fuck the haters! I love myself!"

Taehyung shakes his head at the duo before getting up, pulling Jeongguk along with him. He releases their hands and does the same, taking a deep breath before copying them.

"Fuck you Rachel! Fuck you society! I'm fucking gay and you can't stop me from loving who I wanna fucking love!" Taehyung yells, his lips curling into a smile as he shouts loudly, oddly feelig better.

"Fuck the homophobic people!"

"You can't force me to love!"

"If you won't fucking accept us, I'll fucking accept myself bitches!!"

Jeongguk bites his lip, unsure if he should join in with the yelling. Taehyung notices this and stops for a moment, reaching over to wrap his arm around his waist.

"Nobody's forcing you to saying anything, my love," He whispers, his lips brushing against his ear it sends chills down Jeongguk's spine. He nods, but he can't help the urge to shout too.

Pulling away, he does the same as them. He takes a shaky breath, eyeing his friends from the side who have stopped. He takes a second to figure out what to say, but when he does, a smile unfolds on his lips as he gets ready to shout it.

"Fuck the people who judge me everyday! Fuck Jason!" Jeongguk feels the adrenaline coursing through his veins, confidence soaring through his chest.

Nobody gets mad he doesn't shout he's gay. They understand, and just like Jeongguk, they all stand there on the rock overlooking town, shouting to the world the feelings they've pent up.

Together they are the happiest, and together, they'll accept each other when nobody else will because when they're with each other, nothing else matters.

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this is my favorite chapter. 💛

this is gonna be my last since
i'm going back to school djsjd
i'll still update but frequent
updates will return in summer!!

also, i just want to say i love you guys. you deserve to love who you want, and even though your society may not be ready to accept you, the best you can do is accept yourself. accepting yourself is the best gift you can give yourself. one day you will live free to be who you truly are, and i'll be cheering you on every step of the way. i love you all so much, and i hope you get the chance to be yourself, to embrace yourself, and especially love who you want to love 💛 i love you guys and i hope worst behavior helps you alot (:

lots of love, mela 💛