[ 07. everyone's flawed ]
T A E H Y U N G

another long chapter for ya'll
also some triggering themes

▂▂▂▂▂

Taehyung flinches when his mother slams the front door behind him, his shoulders drooping when he doesn't find his father sitting in his usual chair, reading his favorite novel.

Realizing his only escape from his mother's wrath is probably recovering from exhaustion upstairs, he inhales sharply when his mother smacks the back of his head, the women muttering complaints about him underneath her breath as she shrugs off her jacket.

"What did I fucking say about defending those faggot friends of yours?" She screams, her anger cutting through the silence. Taehyung says nothing, instead keeping his gaze lowered to his feet.

"Rachel, Dad's sleeping upstairs," Taehyung whispers hoarsely, wincing when he feels his mother's fingers dig into his chin, harshly tilting his head up to meet her stare.

"I wouldn't be fucking yelling if you didn't screw up," Rachel hisses, pressing her thumb down on his jaw. She doesn't blink when her son cries out in pain, yelling at her to let go.

"I screwed up? You- It's you who went too far and embarassed us!" Taehyung shouts back, ripping himself away from her hold. He shoves her away, senses fogged by his intense hatred for the woman he can barely call his own mother. "Those woman looked scared out of their minds that you insulted me like that!" He spits out bitterly.

"Son, I was just telling them my opinion! God, you're like a sensitive little girl," Rachel sneers, pressing her fingers on the bridge of her nose. "We moved here to fix your sins Taehyung- your sins are what broke apart our family!"

His stomach drops, his fingers coiling tightly into fists. "I ruined the family? What about you? Dad works himself until he's sick just so you can buy your fancy shit and seduce men that aren't your husband!" Taehyung lashes out, irritation clouding his vision red.

"You of all people, Rachel, shouldn't be telling me I'm sinning when you probably have had twice as many of other men's cocks in you."

Rachel stills, her features falling slack. Taehyung gulps nervously, afraid that he's went too far in their argument. Never has he brought up her cheating in one of their fights, and when he does, he knows he's struck a nerve. Even though his mother has hurt him countless of times, he can't help but feel guilty when he hurts her back.

A harsh slap echoes throughout their home, Taehyung's cheek stinging painfully with his mother's hand raised above him. He's expected this, saw it coming the moment he has stepped inside. Sighing, he craddles his aching cheek in his cool palm, his strengh fading from the tips of his fingers.

"I agreed to come here for a fucking change," Rachel scolds him, her voice shrill with anger. "You came here to avoid those terrible people who turned you into a disgusting monster."

Taehyung nods silently, biting down on his lip to fight the tears stinging at the back of his eyes. Rachel lunges foreward, gripping a fistful of his hair and tugging roughly at his scalp. Taehyung winces, not making a single sound when his mother pulls him close.

"By the end of this year, I only want to see you fucking with girls. You don't ever talk back to me again or defend those unnatural things back home," She whispers darkly, tightening her hold to the point it makes Taehyung's eyes water.

"We're even Taehyung," She hisses into his ear, her breath uncomfortable on his face. "We both like cocks, but unfortunately for you, it's indecent and shameful."

"I know," His words are caught in his throat, the tears that now dampen his cheeks terribly embarrassing. Their fights always end up like with this - Taehyung instantly regretting he ever said a word, his mother doing her absolute best to crush his confidence to remind him of what he really is in this world. He's a monster, a faggot just because his heart is drawn to boys.

It's so fucking unfair.

"Behave," Rachel finally lets go, shoving him back with force. He stumbles back, his eyes falling shut to ease the throbbing at his skull. He nods silently, having no other choice but to obey his mother's wishes.

"I expect you to get a girlfriend soon and prove to me that expensive program I paid for is making you better," She murmurs stiffly, turning away from Taehyung with utter disgust lacing her vowels. He freezes, eyes snapping open at her sudden request, but nonetheless he remains silent.

"Will do," He replies softly, his confidence shattered beneath Rachel's wrath. His mom hums in approval.

"I love you son and please know I'm only doing the best for you," She sighs tiredly, returning to where Taehyung stands all small and broken, then wrapping her arms around him like she used to when he was smaller.

"Me and your father want you to be normal."

Taehyung doesn't say a word as his mother hugs him tight. When he was a child, all he ever wanted is for his mother to hold him close again but the feeling now isn't the same. It's not at all comforting or assuring. Her embrace is cold, forcing him to remember how pathetic, how truly disgusting he is. It's like she's enveloping all of his insecurities and trapping him in them, drowning him in self-hatred until he can no longer see the surface.

Yet somehow the only thought from keeping him from breaking again is Jeon Jeongguk.

▂▂▂▂▂

J E O N G G U K

A light flashing through his window jolts Jeongguk from his sleep, the blinding white beam blunding his eyes. It's late in the night, exhaustion weighing down his eyelids as he strides over to his window, confusion crinkling his eyebrows wondering what in the world is going on beyond his window.

Rubbing at his tired eyes, Jeongguk pushes his window upwards, ready to peer outside when suddenly a hand is clamped around his mouth.

On the verge of nearly shrieking hysterically and throwing his limbs around to fight off the intruder potentially trying to kidnap him, a deep sigh utters his name. Jeongguk's panic settles in his chest, his now awakened eyes blinking in disbelief realizing Kim Taehyung is in his bedroom with a flashlight.

"Wha-Why are you here?" Jeongguk asks, whisper shouting. Luckily, Taehyung has already removed his hand, remembering how the younger had licked it in the past.

Chuckling, Taehyung shrugs, "Just wanted to tell you somethin', doll." Upon hearing the nickname, Jeongguk's cheeks are brushed with a particular warmth that tints his skin a hue of bright pink. Again, Taehyung lets out a gentle laugh, making his insides flutter endlessly.

"You coulda waited until tomorrow," Jeongguk mutters underneath his breath. "This is all so Romeo and Juliet but with two dudes who aren't gay version."

"Sure doll, we can put it like that," Taehyung's lips pull into a wide smile, his gaze dipping down to his feet. "Whatever you're comfortable with." He adds softly.

"Okay, well what did you want to tell me?" He questions, crossing his arms over his chest as he peers up at the taller boy. Sadly, Taehyung has more height on him, which is somewhat embarassing with the fact he constantly has to look up.

For a moment, Taehyung remains silent, the blonde twiddling his fingers. He then notices how red and swollen Taehyung's eyes are as though he's been crying and the occasional sniffle he somehow has missed earlier. Before Jeongguk can ask him what's wrong, Taehyung clears his throat. "The Gazebo. I'll tell you there."

Jeongguk frowns, "Why? It's a long walk," He says, clearly confused. He doesn't bother gettig a jacket, the night being too humid and hot it's only going to make him sweat worse.

"Don't ask just go," Taehyung sniffles, the smile on his features not quite reaching his eyes. Guessing it won't be for long, Jeongguk takes a flashlight of his own off his desk.

"Alrightie," He flashes him a crooked grin, quickly joining Taehyung's side. "Lead the way."

The Gazebo in the night looks different, the chipping white paint and plant-infested structure glowing a faint white in the pale moonlight. Up above, thousands of stars twinkle dimly in the black canvas that stretches over for miles on end, looking as though a person has taken a paint brush and splattered white paint over the sky. Surprisingly, the moon is full, spilling its milky light onto the clearing's lush patches of grass and flowers.

It's quite an understatement to say it's pretty, and when Taehyung and him stop at the entrance where a canopy of trees are above them, he can't help but look in awe at the gorgeous scenery.

"My mom never let me play outside during the night," Jeongguk says blissfully, too focused on watching stars glimmer and shine than to realize Taehyung's staring at him. "She said monsters would steal my toys if I didn't go to bed."

"You're really cute for believing that," Taehyung lets out a laugh, the deep, velvety sound rumbling in his chest. Jeongguk blushes, finding himself grinning shyly. "Thanks."

"C'mon," Taehyung gestures towards the clearing, instantly dashing over to the spot with Jeongguk behind him. The duo then come to a stop where the moon shines almost like a spotlight on them both, illuminating the entire place in a magical way.

Jeongguk mutters a quiet 'wow' underneath his breath, eyes splayed wide on his features. He then remembers why they're actually here - Taehyung wanted to talk. The younger nudges Taehyung's side to get his attention.

"Oh r-right," He chuckles awkwardly, reaching up to scratch at his neck. Taehyung sighs, "I needed a place to think."

"Then why did you bring me?" Jeongguk asks, brows furrowing. He watches as Taehyung's jaw tightens, his shoulders lifting into a shrug.

"Dunno," Taehyung admits, "but I guess I just wanted to get to know you more."

"O-oh," The younger stammers, tilting his gaze up to the blonde who's now looking away, his cheeks tinted a faint shade of red. Jeongguk giggles, shaking his head at the boy's extra attempt. "You coulda just asked."

Taehyung murmurs gently, a shy smile fitting itself on his golden complexion, "But it feels rebellious taking you out here."

"Gosh, for firsts you should know I'm not rebellious then," Jeongguk chuckles, watching as Taehyung fiddles with the edge of his shirt. "I've been taught rebelling leads you to sin," he adds, his smile faltering slightly.

"Well, you know that can change," Taehyung teases, reaching over and ruffling Jeongguk's locks. The younger squeals, swatting at him to quit it, missing how Taehyung watches him with a newfound fondness glittering in his irises.

"You say that like you're able to make anyone do bad things," Jeongguk pouts, pressing his arms over his chest. He doesn't say a word when Taehyung's hands settle on his hips, squeezing gently at his sides. Jeongguk chews on his bottom lip, shoulders tensing briefly when Taehyung's icey touch caresses the skin beneath his thin shirt.

Taehyung laughs deeply, his gaze falling on him, "Not everything is bad, doll. Everyone just wants a taste of freedom at this age, and eventually you just give in."

"Mm, really?" Jeongguk asks skeptically, his brows scrunching together. "Tell me, have you given in?" He lets out a gasp when Taehyung leans over, brushing his lips against his jaw.

"No, but I want to," Taehyung whispers, his breath tickling his cheek. He wraps his arms around Jeongguk's small waist, drawing him close so that their chests are pressing against one another.

Jeongguk frowns somewhat, his breath hitching in his throat realizing how close they are, "Wha-What do you mean?"

"I moved here telling myself I'd be a better person," Taehyung drawls, his fingers playing with the edge of Jeongguk's shirt. "But here I am, mesmerized by you."

"Mes-mesmerized?" Jeongguk stutters over his words, his eyebrows raising a little at the older. "You barely know me."

Taehyung nods, chuckling quietly, "I know. It's quite weird how attraction works, right? The moment you see someone so pretty or they do something as simple as talk to you, your heart just leaps in your chest without even caring about the consequences."

"Isn't that called having a crush?" Jeongguk whispers teasingly, his fingers mindlessly reaching up to play with the curtain of soft sandy locks on the nape of Taehyung's .

"Yeah, a 'crush'," The older grins, his dark gaze lowering to Jeongguk's lips. He watches as he brings his thumb to his chin, the pad of his finger gently brushing over the curve of his bottom lip. "I think mutual attraction works if it's requited."

"Goodness," Jeongguk laughs sweetly, shaking his head incredulously, "you're so sophisticated and mature and so, so perfect. Tell me, how did you become perfect?"

"Frankly, nobody's perfect darling," Taehyung replies smoothly, his fingers taking Jeongguk's chin and slowly tilting his head upwards to meet his hooded stare. "I'm flawed, you're flawed, and this entire goddamn world is flawed."

Jeongguk swallows, nodding dumbly whilst Taehyung's voice traps him in a sort of melodic trance. His breath shortens as Taehyung leans closer, his noise nudging against his own. He fixates his attention on the curve of Taehyung's wide, full lips, partially hating himself for wanting to know how it would feel on his own. All of this screams wrong in Jeongguk's mind, yet some sort of invisible force is drawing them closer to one another.

"This is so bad," Jeongguk whispers, unable to hear his own voice in the erratic thumping of his heart filling his ears. Taehyung doesn't say a word, the older's taking his palm and cupping the side of Jeongguk's face oh-so effortlessly.

"Yes, it really is," Taehyung agrees this time much to Jeongguk's shock, though his resonant voice soothing the nerves surging beneath Jeongguk's skin. "What we're doing right now is disgusting to others you know."

"I'm aware of that," Jeongguk squeaks, his adams apple bobbing nervously in the hollow of his throat. "Awesome," Taehyung whispers.

As much as his beliefs and morals are screaming at him to not give in, Jeongguk finds himself wondering how it truly feels to kiss a boy, to feel a boy run their fingers down his sides and make love to him like how woman and men do. Although part of him instantly shuts down any of the thoughts before they can further into something more sinister, more specific to be exact, but he just can't help himself.

In all his life, he's never been one to look at girls or fawn over their bodies and looks. His friends usually teased him for being a pure boy, claiming he's too innocent for any sexual behavior (oh boy they're wrong now) and that no girl can ever gather Jeongguk's attention.

Surely, Jeongguk has decided it's because none of the girls really interest him. His school has a pool of options, yet not a single girl manages to catch his eye despite some of their attempts. But that moment when he saw Kim Taehyung at church (of all things) - goodness a chill ran down his spine!

He's never thought he would let another boy kiss him so intimately or imagine him on top of him, fulfilling every single one of his sexual desires in ways women couldn't. God has created them to love a woman, to desire for a woman beneath them, and to be married to a woman. Nothing in the scriptures ever detail the normalcy of craving another man's touch, wanting another man's attention, or engage romantically with a man.

But here's Kim Taehyung, proving him all wrong, telling him it's natural and that others are made to love someone differently. Not a single fear of being judged or caught is in those warm, gentle irises of his whenever he touches Jeongguk and caresses his skin, peppering him with sweet kisses that leave him wanting for more.

For a split second of a moment it feels as though their interactions are the definition of normal when he's with Taehyung, and right now it oddly feels normal.

Is it truly wrong to be gay, to be attracted to another man in the way a woman would be?

He doesn't feel like he's sinning, the confusion that usually consumes him whole nonexistent within him. Though he sure feels regret and guilt for disobeying his parents for being this intimate with another boy. He's also not sure if God's just testing him, watching if Jeongguk would resist temptation and prove himself a good Christian like his parents have raised him to be.

Sometimes he wonders if this is how he was supposed to be, and that God has planned for him to be this way. Maybe the Bible is wrong, and that attraction for a male is not that sinful. Maybe the people in his town are just afraid of change, and maybe, just maybe, they're just as inexperienced as Jeongguk is.

Whatever this weird feeling is that's making his insides all light and airy and his heart race, he wants to figure it out. He knows there will forever be guilt associated with thinking this way, the lingering feeling of disgust and shame for himself something he just has to deal with.

For now, in this moment, all he knows for sure is that he wants this.

"It's okay," Jeongguk murmurs, assuring him with a gentle smile when Taehyung gives him a skeptical look. "You can kiss me."

Hesitantly Taehyung's lips press carefully against his own, Jeongguk's hold around Taehyung's neck tightening as his mouth molds into the other's. It's sweet, chaste, and not as heated as he expected. Taehyung's lips move slowly, gently against his own, his thumb caressing his cheek delicately to ease his nerves.

This, this is how it feels to kiss a boy.

Jeongguk finds himself melting into the kiss, his chest relaxing when Taehyung's soft lips presses gently onto his own. His eyes flutter shut, completely losing himself, but as quick it started Taehyung pulls away.

Breathless, Taehyung lets out an embarassed chuckle, "Well, um, I really didn't plan to kiss you."

"It's okay," Jeongguk giggles, his cheeks feeling hot. Suddenly growing shy, he ducks his head down, capturing his bottom lip between his teeth. "It's nothing like I expected."

"Can I kiss you again?"

"Sure."

And with that, Jeongguk never thought he'd be spending his night underneath a blanket of stars, kissing a boy despite how wrong, how unethical, and how unnatural it is because in that moment it felt right.

For now, it feels right.

▂▂▂▂▂

i love taekook with all my heart
and i love you guys just as much💛

also what are your thoughts so far
on everything in general? i like
hearing your opinions (: