Calum's not like, religious, or anything. He'll say he believes in heaven and god and all that if someone asks, but he doesn't. He thinks when you're dead, you're dead. There isn't some holy divine afterlife, there a coffin with nails in the ground and that's it. Nothing else happens.

Michael's the same exact way, they'd discussed it over a bowl and a bag of cheetos one night. Albeit, Michael doesn't care what people think if him. He tells people immediately when they ask what comes after death, "A fat load of nothing, which is better than this anyway." Calum would probably be that bitter if his parents dumped him off at a friend's house and hit the high roads, living it up in Santa Barbara or Peru or wherever this months postcard screams out.

Ashton, on the other hand, is a little more laid back and happy. No, maybe happy isn't the word, because Ashton is just as bitter as Michael when he wants to be. Maybe content is a better word to describe him, or enlightened. Ashton has this firm belief in place that he's going to stumble open some grand staircase and see angels and puffy white clouds in the afterlife.

"God's not there," Ashton had explained. "God is dead. But the afterlife is alive."

Michael had piped up then, eager to murder every single one of hs boyfriend's dreams. "You're going to hell. The Bible says so."

"The Bible is fanfiction, Mike," Ashton had replied, unabashed, bringing the cigarette up to his kiss bitten red lips and passing it off to Calum before letting the smoke out with his words. "Think about it. They saw some famous guy being nice to some kids and depicted him as the son of their only governmental system. They wrote ut down, accidentally threw some of their own morals in there because it was just a personal story to them, and suddenly it took off."

Calum had paused, considering that and watching his cigarette burn until it was crumbling pieces of ash. "Like 50 Shades of Grey."

Ashton had smiled at him, all lopsided and happy, and said, "Like 50 Shades of Grey."

Michael disagrees with every single thing that comes out of Ashton's mouth, every religion based statement that rolls off his tongue like music. Calum thinks its mainly out of spite at this point, they way Michael snipes at him.

"While I agree with you as a being because you give amazing blowjobs, everything you've said in the past fifteen minutes is a complete lie," Michael had said after Ashton had explained his entire religious opinion to Calum. Ashton had rolled his eyes and pressed a chaste kiss to Michael's cheek, like a mother giving their child some much needed attention. Michael hadn't said much after that.

But Michael and Ashton aren't the point. The point is, Calum's not religious. He can respect Ashton's staircase scenario and agree with Michael's protests, but it doesn't matter to him. A floating man in the sky isn't going to change the fact that Calum's going to live and Calum's going to die.

He wishes he could say that all changes when he meets Luke, but it doesn't.

It starts when he sees a pretty barbie looking boy in the cafeteria, bowed over his steaming soup. Upon closer inspection, Calum finds that the boy's hands are squeezed together tightly, knuckles white with force, and his eyes are squeezed shut, pink splattering across them. The curve of his spine is straight and bent all at once, leaning over his so orange tray so his nose is almost in his bowl. His pale pink lips are moving slightly, letting out whispered tones almost frantically.

"Is he praying?" Michael scoffs loudly, making the boy jump slightly. His lips squeeze shut for a slight second before he's whispering again, eyes squeezed shut and hands clasped even tighter than before.

Calum hops off his stool, ignoring Michael's loud, "Hey!", and trots over to the trembling boy sitting alone in the university cafeteria, earning sideways looks and whispered scoffs. Once he gets close enough, he hears what the boys saying and almost walks away again.

"Forgive me father, I have sinned, I find that boy attractive and I should not, that's wrong, that's very wrong, it'll never happen again, never-"

"What boy?" Calum interrupts. The boy jumps and whimpers slightly, ducking his head down even further until his blonde hair is covering his face. He whispers a quiet ending and an "amen," before looking up.

And, oh, he's got the prettiest blue eyes Calum's ever seen in his life. He'd probably use a word like crystalline to describe them. His skin is pale and spotted with a few acne scars and a thin white line right above his eyebrow. His pale lips drop open at the sight of Calum towering over him, instantly dropping out a quiet whimper as he flinches away.

Calum glances up at Michael before sliding into the chair next to the boy. He shifts sideways as far as he can, away from Calum, and squeezes his eyes shut like he's bracing himself for impact. Calum tires to stay as casual as possible and says, "What boy? Because, personally, I think that boy over there with the red hair is cute, but he's an asshole and dating my best friend, so."

The boy looks up at him, still slumped over and shifted to the side to stay as far away from Calum as physically possible. His eyelashes cast shadows over his cheekbones and pale, beautiful, pupils. Calum's never seen anyone more beautiful in his entire life, it kind of takes his breath away.

"I- sorry," Calum says when the boy just stares at him in bewilderment. "I'm Calum, you're beautiful, hello."

The boy shifts a tiny bit until his shoulder is pointed towards Calum's chest. "'M Luke."

Luke opens up slowly at Calum's prodding and pestering, until he's able to touch Calum without flinching and smile without fear that he'll be reprimanded. Calum touches him as casually as he possibly can, brushing the backs of their hands while their walking together, elbowing Luke in the side as a playful gesture, even hooking their ankles together under the table when no one's looking. He lives to see the way Luke's cheeks heat up with blush, and how he twists the metal cross hanging from his neck everytime their skin meets.

After only a few months, Luke shows up at Calum's door at three in the morning and stands there in silence in typical Luke fashion. Calum waits, because he'll always wait for Luke, and rubs the sleep out of his eyes with his knuckles.

Luke surges forward suddenly and connect their lips in a hot kiss, heavy and pressured, pushing Calum inside the apartment with his lips and his arms hooked around Calum's neck. Calum's eyes widen, but he kisses Luke back quickly, because this could be a one time thing. Luke could get spooked by Ashton descending the stairs to see what the commotion is, and never come back. And then Calum would have to live the rest of his life knowing that Luke had kissed him and he hasn't done a thing about it. So, Calum kisses Luke to leave bruises, grabbing his waist tightly and pulling their bodies even closer together.

The kiss is hot and quick, Luke's slipping his tongue into Calum's mouth and moaning when it's sucked on. Calum licks out his mouth with ease and pushed Luke against the door, successfully shutting it in the process. Luke whines when Calum grinds their hips together sharply, throwing his head back and disconnecting their lips again.

Calum resorts to leaving open mouthed kisses against Luke's neck, muscles tight under his lips, and slips his hands up. His fingers dig into Luke's lower back, pushing his lower half away from the wooden door and into Calum's.

Luke's lips drop open again and his hands lace tightly behind Calum's neck. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned."

Calum pulls back from Luke's neck punctuating his sudden prayer with a loud whine. "Do you want me to stop?"

He waits patiently while Luke whispers an ending and a quiet, "Amen". It's something he's gotten used to over the past few months; Luke prays, and Luke never leaves his conversation with God until he's ended it.

Finally, Luke's eyes snap open, only a small ring of pale blue around a circle of black, and he licks his lips quickly. "I- I don't know."

Calum's still mid grind, his hips are ghosting just above Luke's, but he's managed to get a knee between Luke's. He kisses Luke gently this time, just a soft, chaste kiss that's meant to calm and nurture rather than please, something he's picked up after seeing Ashton use the tactic on Michael time and time again. And then, as much as in pains him, he pulls himself off of Luke and away from the door.

Luke stays slumped against it, flinching into the cold wood and staring at Calum expectantly. Like he's waiting for a slap or something.

Instead, Calum clears his throat and says, "How about we go cuddle instead? My bed is probably still warm and I have snacks hidden in the pillowcase."

Luke giggles and grabs Calum's hand and spends the rest of the night with his head in Calum's lap, pretending to focus on the television instead of Calum's fingers combing through his hair.

His fingers stay tangled in his metal cross necklace all night.

((Yooooo this is my first cake so help me out here guys

-Mel))