[ 014 ] chapter fourteen


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WHEN IT COMES DOWN
TO DO THIS WHAT
CHOICE DO YOU MAKE?

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near riga latvia ,  around 9am


Czarina's whole body felt burning and heavy by the time their plane arrived at the country's vicinity. The lack of sleep combined with skipped meals, two gunshot wounds and a heavy fight against those thugs obviously lead to her current state. The Czarina almost a decade ago would walk this off with an ease without being dependent on first aid medicines and hydration liquids.

You've gone soft, is that what the West has made you?' She had a sudden recollection of her snarky comment against Levi years ago. Maybe she really has gone soft too, accustomed to being a civilian on the sidelines and far from the grim reality of fighting. But anything else is better than how it was before, so she might as well embrace the softness that comes with the kind of life she has now.

"How's the knife wound?" Sam walked up to her carrying another bag of IV drip.

"It doesn't hurt that much, the wound's closed so everything is fine." She exhaled and stretched out her arm to let Sam change the mainline IV bag. The liquid helped for a faster recovery of her battered and weakened state when they left Madripoor, of course her serum does its job just fine but she doesn't have all day to wait for her body to fix all by itself. She can't walk around Riga with half healed injuries and burning a fever. They have super soldiers to chase after.

"I know you got a special kind of serum in your system but it doesn't mean you can go around catching knives with your body." Her uncle lectured frankly. Dismay and concern was obvious in his expression.

"It almost got Sharon on the neck. I'd rather have it on my shoulder. I can heal."

"What if it had you by the spine, huh? Can that heal, Czarina?" Hearing Sam call her by full name instead of a nickname was enough to unnerve the girl. She felt like sinking into her seat. Bucky hasn't spoken to her ever since they got out of the Lowtown docks, he's obviously still pissed at Czarina's recklessness and poorly thought decision of catching a knife with her back. But she wasn't aware Sam shares the same sentiment regarding the matter.

"She's going to die. I'm a super soldier, I have a better chance of surviving." Czarina insisted on her point of reasoning once again, unapologetic as ever on what she did.

"Why keep going on with that?" Sam turned around to face her, sounding more agitated than before. "There could have been another way where no one got hurt. But now we're here. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Czarina lowered her head sheepishly. Sam's right. She could have pushed Sharon out of the way or tackled down but she chose the quick but risky one because she thought it'll be convenient. "Yeah. I'm sorry, Sam. It was a spur of a moment. I'll be more careful next time."

She can hear Sam release a heavy sigh. The man sat beside her. "Have you eaten anything?"

"Yeah, I had some of the European dishes Zemo gave me. I think it has chicken."

Czarina stirred on her seat to face Sam closer. She was a bit hesitant before speaking. "What you said about destroying the shield back there, do you really mean it?"

Sam found it troubling to meet the eyes of the girl, he looked away for a few seconds and fell silent in his place. "The way I see it, maybe I do." He said in a low voice. "Why? Do you feel the same way your dad does? You gotta lot of faith in that shield too?"

"Doesn't matter, my faith's on you." Czarina answered without any skepticism. It's nothing but the truth. The shield has some weight on her because it represented the first hope she had in many years working under HYDRA. But what mattered most to her was the person behind the shield, Steve Rogers. He was the one who made choices that helped Czarina get out of the inescapable prison. And Steve chose Sam to be the next bearer of the shield in the new age. The captain entrusted it to a person who's more than capable to continue its legacy and Czarina knows it herself. Shield or none, she'll follow Sam in this fight.

"You sound so much like her than him." Sam looked at the girl, eyes glistening in a moment of realisation and reminiscing.

"I just hope I also have her strength." The blonde scoffed. "I'll need it when you face these Flag Smashers."

"Hey, before you think about any fight, heal yourself first." Sam lightly dismisses her current thoughts as he goes back to his old seat.

When she's left alone again Czarina's eyes landed at Bucky who's by the front row of seats, he seems to be resting with head hung low and eyes closed. She'll talk to him when they land. Oftentimes when her father is displeased by her actions he only remains passive about it. He prefers leaving it in silence and letting it eventually pass rather than speaking on the matter. The girl can't quite figure out why yet since before, back when they were still a pair of soldiers for the enemy, he easily banters with her about orders to do and strongly lectures her when something on a mission goes south.

Now he doesn't even talk to her about things Czarina has done that bothered him. She wants that change.

Their plane started shaking sideways, causing all of them to grip on their seatbelts in an instant. "We're close to landing, fasten yourselves." Zemo informed them from his chair.

Here they go again. On another foreign land, running after an imminent danger instead of the other way.




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She was a lot better upon their arrival in Riga. Czarina can once again move with no trouble, her wounds are fully closed and don't hurt anymore. Though they rode a rented van to drop them off on a smaller town inside the city they still had to walk a few minutes to reach the Baron's manor.

"I heard what became of Sokovia." Zemo started as he roamed his gaze on the street they are currently at. "Cannibalized by its neighbors before the land was cleared of rubble, erased from the map." The man spoke with bitterness about his former home's fate, Sokovia. The fallen country that was completely obliterated by the time the Avengers battle was done. Half of the population were decimated, countless properties turned to dust in a day along with civilians nowhere to go. It was a complete devastation. Levi only mentioned it to her twice

We turned their home to ash and called it saving. No wonder he's coming after the Avengers. Her brother said from their distant conversation upon escaping The Raft many years ago.

"I don’t suppose any of you bothered visiting the memorial?" Zemo continued as they walked. "Of course not. Why would you?"

"Levi did." Czarina muttered under her breath, inaudible to the rest of the team. The guilt and shame followed her brother like a rageful ghost, even in the midst of going rogue and turning against his hero friends Sokovia didn't leave his mind. Especially learning about Zemo' true purpose of infiltrating the Avengers. She knew it too well, when even when they were on the run he visited the memorials and mass grave sites of the country.

"We are here." The baron stopped in front of a grey and white, marble walled mansion.

"Actually you three go, I'll take a walk for a few minutes. I'm feeling a little suffocated." Czarina stayed a few steps behind her company.

"You okay, Rei?" Sam squinted his eyes at the girl.

"Yeah, yeah. I just need some fresh air, we've been flying nonstop."

Bucky halted himself from the front door and walked back on her daughter's spot. He held a fixed gaze on the surroundings as if he's waiting for something. "I'll go with you. In case you faint or get too dizzy to go back."

Without any disagreement from the girl, Bucky went along in the opposite direction of the road. Leaving Sam and Zemo behind.

"We'll see you guys in a bit." He spoke a bit louder without turning back to the ones he's talking to. The father and daughter pair walked back on opposite corners, turning left on a narrow street with an uneven cobblestone path. Czarina' boots sounded loud against it. Obvious that any footsteps near them will be audible as well.

"So what's with the morse code in the car? Did I get it right or you're just tapping in Staying Alive."  Czarina questioned her dad. Back at the rental car, they've only been inside for a couple minutes when the girl noticed a beat of their morse code from Bucky that translates to signal for a discreet conversation. It's something they use back at their former missions. The girl hadn't seen it for quite some time.

"I got somethin' to tell you." Bucky pocketed his hands, shrugging off a little. "We got a visitor. And things might get ugly so just follow my lead."

Czarina felt the urge to reply in a snarky or joking manner but the spilling uneasiness on her father's expression stopped her. The man inched close to a building post for a second before continuing their walk, upon reaching the middle of the narrow street they entered he spoke loudly. 

"You dropped something." Bucky lifted a small, palm size orb, a soft beeping can be heard from it. A shuddering breath left Czarina as her eyes landed at the device. They both turned around expecting someone to be waiting for them to notice but no one was there. So the two just went back to their position.

And there goes the familiar face Czarina had already expected to have an eye on them. A woman in a long black dress stood face to face with the two Barnes. She held an intense glare at them which is only right after what they did.

"I was wondering when you were gonna show up." Bucky greeted their visitor.

Ayo, the second in command of Wakanda's Dora Milaje spoke in her native tongue. Clear and assertive. "I’m here for Zemo."











early 2018,
wakanda medical institute

Czarina's eyes flutter open and close as the lights above her dim darkly. Numerous circular patches are sticking on the crown of her head and nape. It's attached to the series of tiny red and white wires running from a machine that's constantly whirring and beeping. She tilted her head a little more backwards for comfort.

"Are you ready?" A voice asked her. The girl didn't have to look around to know who's speaking to her. Shuri has been around since the start of the rehabilitation program given under the Wakandan asylum. Of course she'll be there to witness the end and hopefully, its success.

"Yeah I am." Czarina replied with a light nod. Shuri inched closer at the reclining chair where the other girl is currently strapped on. Her soft, brown eyes observed Czarina's resting features in the next silent seconds, before unlocking the metal cuffs attached on the arm rest. The blonde's eyes darted at her bare wrists.

"Shuri, what are you doing?" She questioned with a tense tone. The cuffs have always been a strict part of the sessions' protocol. Without it the safety of the medical staff will be at risk when Czarina undergoes the trigger procedure. She won't be lucid enough to hold back Nightshade's programming. They have done it before with her in restraints yet it wasn't almost enough to contain the girl.

"You have to put it back." Czarina insisted, her voice growing louder. "You've seen it before, I won't be able to control myself."

"What I've seen last time is more control from you." Shuri seemingly corrected her. "But also more focus on the physical restraints instead of here." The girl's index finger tapped against the other's temple.

"Stop thinking of the restraints, Rina. You're not caged anymore. There's not gonna be another wretched machine waiting for you. Take back all the control."

An empty reply left past her lips, she has nothing to counter Shuri's remark of the struggle she's been so unwilling to admit ever since. The cold air brushed against the bare skin of her wrist, it felt unfamiliar yet oddly comforting.

"Session Mark 11, commencing. In the subject of reprogramming the synaptic memories."

The EEG monitor whirred into life as her brain wave activity flashed on the screen. Several doctors and medic staff began tapping in their electronic tabs, all of them cautiously edging by the plexiglass perimeter set to separate their subject. Shuri stood by the upfront, her eyes all set at the girl on the chair.

Czarina can feel the faint electric current pricking on the scalp and skin where the pads are placed. Her breath shivered. The surface of her nails turned white as she dug her fingers against the rubber of the armrest.

Stop thinking of the restraints.

"Retesting in 3, 2, 1." A lead doctor spoke loud and clear from their position. Czarina's can already feel the shivers shooting up from her spine, she knows the drill.

"Zima." Winter. The voice can be heard passing the glass from where she was seated. "Vosem'." Eight.

There was nothing. Those were just some words to her at this point since it's among the first ones on 'the list' and the effect it had on her has gradually worn out after the repeated testings done to her.

"Rassvet." Dawn. The observant eyes of the medical team didn't blink away from the girl, closely watching for subtle changes or any reaction from what they just said. "Malinovyy." Crimson

Still nothing. They proceeded.

"Rodina." Motherland.

Czarina felt the usual chill in the spine, mouth running dry as the hairs on her nape and arms stood up. It's only a matter of time before she starts to feel as if her lungs are running out of air. And then she'll lose it. She knew how this goes. It's the same over and over again.

Images of a grimy cell and a lone yellow bulb flicker before her eyes. Then it was followed by voices growing louder each second, ones that she hoped never to hear again. As the images grew clearer so did the words in her native tongue. The girl's chest tightened, she controlled her breathing one huff at a time. Fingers cupping the sides of her face and ears.

"Zabytyy." Forgotten.

She lacked the strength to look outside the glass barrier, her head remained low and bent as she felt the urge to stand and straighten her composure. Tears began brimming on her eyes while her jaw clenched so hard her teeth felt snapping in place. "Stoyatʹ, soldat" Stand, soldier. A distant voice commanded, the urge to block it out was immediately overwhelmed by the gut feeling to comply with the order.

Enough, this has been going on for too long. Control yourself. She sucked in air through her gritted teeth and held tight against the arm rest, an obvious futile attempt to hold back herself from giving in to the programmed action. "No. Please, stop." She told herself under a panic mumble.

A hoarse scream escaped past her trembling mouth, Czarina started to lose feeling of her limbs one by one. Until her hand got a grip on the cap of wires sticking at her head, it was ripped away without any hesitation and as soon as she's no longer hooked to the machines, she raced headfirst at the glass wall a few feet from the chair. The girl's lanky yet solid build slammed full force against the clear glass. Multiple doctors and staff instinctively backed away far from it with an intense and wild gaze.

At that point Czarina's mind was blank and swimming in the emptiness. She couldn't form any coherent thought that could possibly ground her. She watched helpless and in pain as her body hit the solid barrier repeatedly, each time harder than the one before. Alarms blared loud and red around the room, which quickly alerted the stationed guards in case she escalated to attacking others again. Half a dozen rounded up at the room, taking all precautionary measures to ensure the young super soldier won't have the chance to harm anyone.

Tiny but slightly visible cracks are appearing on the glass surface due to multiple blows on it. "Czarina, can you hear me? This is Shuri speaking!" Her doctor and friend called out amidst the mayhem she's causing. The blonde wanted to lift her head and search for Shuri's face in the crowd but her focus was nailed at the efforts to break free from the glass. Which is not by her choice but by the motor reflex that has been switched on upon hearing the words.

Nightshade is programmed to be violently triggered by the codes and break free from any containment, only then she'll pick up orders from the one that commands. That's why  restraints are necessary at all times during deprogramming sessions. Shuri was wrong about her, she trusted her too much. She can't do it. She'll never free from Nightshade's chokehold. If it was possible she would have done it in the first few trials but she's still here.

Her weakening body slid downwards against the glass, despite the weariness her mind on autopilot refused to accept defeat. You will break free. The fists on her sides balled tight and shaky as the girl launched a strike at the barrier repeatedly without holding back. Its bare and sharp cracks cut against Czarina's knuckles deep enough that blood started to embed at the broken surface. The guards closed in on the perimeter with a collective caution, panic consumed the rest of the medical team as they fled away from the scene. Only Shuri and her personal assistant were left at the secure side of the room.

As Czarina was about to deliver the final blow that would finally shatter a hole in the glass, her fist held back behind her head. It took a tremendous effort of the girl to do such a small act. "Shuri..." Tears streamed down her cheeks, cries slowly growing louder and audible. Release the gas, I need to be sedated. I can't do this. She wanted to scream the admission of failure, to finally acknowledge the truth she dreaded. Free herself from the misery of hope she'll get better. Maybe it's time to accept that being broken will always be with her.

You're not broken, Rina. You're my daughter.

"Mama..." The girl whispered under a shaky breath. A faint reflection of a woman with a red, wavy hair shimmer on the broken, glass surface in front of her. Her green eyes are almost identical to Levi's but it held less rage and a warmth Czarina hasn't seen in many. Break through it. You have to break free. The urge lingered with such a pull. Her eyes darted at the reflection of her mother on the bleeding, shattered glass. Almost as if it's how she remembers her the last time.

Confused. Imperfect. Defeated. Natasha watched afar as the military caged and collared her daughter like a feral animal in the most secure prison in the world. Yet she was the first person Czarina ran to with open arms at the rescue mission on the Raft. The rapid beating of her heart started to slow, the burning sensation in the pit of her stomach melting as Natasha's reflection grew clearer.

At last the impulse to break free and go on a rampage was replaced with something stronger, her balled fists loosen its grip. Feeling once again a sense of control over herself. Slowly her fingers reached out for the glass, blood dripping from the cracks as she touched the reflection of her mother. "Mama." Czarina's throat tightened in the mixture of grief and relief pouring out in a flood of uncontrollable tears.

All of it was being witnessed by the lone medical member on the other side, Shuri signalled the tactical team to pan out so she could get closer. Upon her approach at the enclosure, light shone faintly at the cracks causing the reflection Czarina held to melt in nothingness. But the blonde girl's attention remained drawn at the glass. Her palm still pressed at the surface. Shuri kneeled down at the same level and without any hesitation she put her hand against the other's, separated by the barrier but connected as ever.

"Imperiya." Empire. The word was spoken with less formality and hint of hesitation. Czarina's blue eyes meeting Shuri's brown ones. She blinked away tears, chin trembling as her breath shortens. Not a single muscle moved to react on hearing the word.

"Ispravleniye." Rectification. The girl on the opposite side continued, this time with a newfound confidence for her friend. No violent response still. Czarina was frozen in her place, the whole moment unfolding is a great shock to the girl more than anyone. The pang of anguish felt like a brick wall being torn down one by one.

"Pyatnadtsat'." Fifteen.

With the last trigger word being said, Shuri deactivated the glass between them. The air hissed from the mechanical door as it opened sideways. Czarina remained sprawling on the floor. Bewilderment plastered all over her face.

Shuri held out her right hand at the girl, absolved of any fear or terror she always carry during their reprogramming sessions. Slowly, Czarina reached out for it, her fingers gripping against the other's with complete trust. "It's over, Rina. It's over."






"Rei? Hey!" Czarina's temples ached with a high pitch ringing on her ears, all the sounds and colors swirled all at once. Where was she again? A hand then grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her lightly, the girl's vision slowly became clear. She blinked rapidly, a loud gasp sounding from her lips.

Sam was holding her by the side, her father standing at the kitchen counter near the sofa where she was seated. They both have confused looks on their faces. It took her a few seconds before it all came back to her. They just got back to Zemo's apartment after making a deal with Ayo in their meeting. She must have lost it on the way back here, since she had no recollection of anything else after they spoke with the Dora Milaje soldier.

"Shit." She croaked, feeling a warm liquid gushing down her nose. The back of her palm instinctively went to cover it but the blood was already all over her lips. "The Dora Milaje are here for Zemo."

"We know. Your dad was just telling us." Sam nodded and placed a box of tissues at her lap. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. It's just a nosebleed." Czarina dismissed right away. They don't have time to deal with personal baggage in the middle of a chase. She promised Bucky she won't be any sort of inconvenience when she joined them, so her mind shouldn't be anywhere but the plan on how they'll reach the Flagsmashers. So that Zemo can go back to where he belongs just like how they promised Ayo.

"So. We're giving him up, right?" Czarina nodded her head in Zemo's direction. The man is still in his bathrobe, idly watching in the corner.

"Not yet. But in eight hours, remember?" Bucky replied as he poured a drink by the kitchen countertop.

"It was sweet of you two defend me at least." Zemo lightly teased them. Czarina didn't feel like making a snarky comeback at the man so she just stayed quiet, even if what he just said is untrue.

"Hey, you shut it. No one's defending you." Sam rebutted, turning his head back at the man. "You killed Nagel."

Zemo just shrugged and paced at the room to get closer at them. "Do we really have to litigate what may or may not have happened?"

"There's nothing to litigate. You straight shot the man." He recalled the incident at the clinic.

"Sam." Bucky called out, his face glued to the phone he's holding. "What?" His partner turned at him, slowly approaching him at the kitchen counter.

"Karli bombed a GRC supply depot."

Czarina backed up from her sunken position on the couch. Elbows pressing on both her knees. The timeframe of the attacks just got shorter, the Flagsmashers are starting to be alerted and for sure this stands for a retaliation.

"What? What's the damage?" Sam questioned.

"Eleven injured, three dead." Her father informed them. "They have a list of demands and are promising more attacks if those demands aren't met in full."

Czarina is for certain that the group has become aware of the attention they are drawing from the military. And they are making the best out of it, now that they practically have cameras all over them they will make sure their message gets out and heard. Whatever the cost.

A heavy sigh sounded from Sam. He shook his lowered head and sat at the high chair opposite of Bucky. "She's escalating." Zemo said with a start. He approached the two men at the counter.

"I have the will to complete this mission." He continued. "Do the three of you?" Zemo's glance lingered longer at Czarina before he looked away.

"She's just a kid." Sam pointed out. Czarina shifted in her seat uncomfortably now that he reminded them of the fact that Karli is not a grown up, committing acts of violence against the public and the government. So it's not far that the rest of super soldiers in the team are as young as her.

"You're seeing something in her that isn't there. You're clouded by it." Zemo commented on Sam's defense. The other seems to be more open to listen right now than he has before. "She's a supremacist. The very concept of a Super Soldier will always trouble people. It's that warped aspiration that led to Nazis, to Ultron, to the Avengers."

Great. Another conversation opens Zemo's beliefs against those beyond humans. Czarina wonders if she and those like her very existence as a super soldier, is what invites the chaos normal people shouldn't be dealing with. It is as if the farther they are away from humanity, the bigger the threat they are seen by some. And it seems like it's an inevitable fate for them.

"Hey, those're our friends you're talking about." Her uncle only replied.

"The Avengers, not the Nazis." Bucky pointed with quiet emphasis. Compared to Sam he carries a more intense look while listening to Zemo's rhetoric.

"So, Karli is radicalized, but there has to be a peaceful way to stop her." Sam appealed with a hint of optimism. He's still holding on to a more pacifist way to solve this.

"The desire to become a superhuman cannot be separated from supremacist ideals. Anyone with that serum is inherently on that path." The baron continued. How long did he wait to mention that without any qualms? He seems to be holding on it until the perfect opportunity comes around to bring it up.

"She will not stop. She will escalate until you kill her." Uneasiness spilled on Sam's demeanor hearing the other's conclusion of their fight with Karli. "Or she kills you."

Maybe this is the reason why she disliked hearing Zemo discuss the code he believes, to confront herself of the otherness she didn't choose to begin with. No one has ever tried to make it a point until he came into their lives, with his natural hatred of what supersoldiers stand for.

To HYDRA she was a perfected warrior they valued, but a weapon nonetheless, nothing more of a human. And when she breaks free from their grasp she becomes more of a human to almost everyone she meets. So where does that leave her now? Maybe she really had abandoned humanity a long time ago.

"Maybe you're wrong, Zemo." Bucky countered back. "The serum never corrupted Steve."

Czarina looked back at her father instinctively upon hearing the former captain's name.

"Touché." Zemo pointed his finger, a gummy delight sticking on its tip. "But there has never been another Steve Rogers, has there?"

Silence reigned the room right after that. The blonde more than certain she's no Steve Rogers. Even before the serum he already had a good heart, not just as a soldier but as a commoner himself. Czarina can't say the same for herself. Her serum preceded the girl.

"Well, maybe we should give him to the Wakandans right now." Bucky quipped under the increased annoyance towards their reluctant ally.

"And you'll give up your tour guide?" Zemo challenged as he went through the kitchen cabinet.

"Yes." The older Barnes replied and sat down beside his kid on the couch. He shot a nod at Czarina as a quick way to check her, which she only smiled at.

"From my understanding, Donya is like a pillar of the community, right?" Sam turned at them for a confirmation. The two Barnes nodded. "So, when I was a kid, my TT passed away.

"Your...TT?"

"Yeah, my TT, yeah." Sam repeated but Bucky seemed to not grasp the meaning.

"Who is your TT?"

"Fine." He rolled his eyes at his partner. "When I was a kid, my aunt passed away and the entire neighborhood got together for a ceremony. It was like a week long. Maybe they're doing the same thing for Donya."

Czarina pursed her lips and shrugged off. "Let's look around for gatherings. It's worth a shot."

"Your TT would be proud of you." Zemo teased Sam from where he was standing, carrying a large bronze jar with a wrapped candy in hand. "Turkish delight." He threw one out for the other guy which he caught by hand. "Irresistible." He added, pouring more in the coffee table nearby.

Czarina finally stood up from her seat. Wiping off an invisible dust from her pants. "So, Zemo, maybe you want to dress at this point. Funerals don't usually want naked guys investigating around."

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