"The Knight and the Peasant" - @SirTurtlethelll 

Summary: 

It's the year 1508 After Banishment. The world of Arkenheim is ravaged with war. The world sunders and shakes; the land is far from the paradise it had been over 1,500 years ago. But in Salvador's home of Sapinsville in the Kingdom of Sersalvon, they have never been touched by the plague of war. But Salvador grows tired of his peaceful village life and is soon thrust into the treacherous world with a knight at his side.

Sauntering, swaggering, and joking his way through his new life, Salvador is thrust into a war that the likes of which Sersalvon hasn't seen in centuries. Will he hold against the tide, or will he buckle and fall. He is still a peasant... after all.

Initial Reaction: 

This medieval-knight story is fascinating! This dabbles in the idea of fantasy versus reality. The first part (chapters one through three) focuses on Salvador when he is ten years. He knows and understands his town, Sapinsville, and he has never left. He dreams of adventure and seeing new lands, he gets to meet a knight who they become friends! I throughly enjoy their friendship!! And then, bang! Chapter Three has an amazing turning point that captures my attention. I'm interested and engaged. Tons and tons of questions, I believe the readers will receive. Really, really good story!  

Strengths:

1. Narrator's Voice: First off I love the narrative is spot on! It has humor, quick wit, the readers are able to read into Salvador, the main character's, thoughts and his motivation. Also the voice provides a ton of information to set the tone and mood of the story. We learn from narrator about the world, and small bits of foreshadowing. As if something will change. A pretty drastic change. One element of the narrator's voice I adore is the irony; the voice sees through the main character's perspective. In chapter one, when Salvador dreams about life and everything outside of his world. He thinks everything is fine, however the voice pops in as says,"But . . . did [Salvador] really?" This small doubt gives the readers a "heads up" for later on. And also a wink, wink to say Salvador's true motivation, he hides deep down in his heart, is to explore and want something new. The audience starts to connect more as Salvador finds out more about himself.

2. Social Structure: One of the major factors in historical fantasy stories is the world-building. The audience needs to understand the world's social cues, the difference between right and wrong, and relationships as in family or occupation. I have to say this is one of the top three strengths! It's phenomenal! The dialogue and back stories for these characters shows the audience how the character became, behaviors and body language, and also their trust in others. Especially with the Knight, Sir Gerard Elwyn. In chapter two, Gerald tells Salvador stories about Gerard's adventures and how he became a knight:"Gerard had gone to Lady Florjes of Veroña, the Mercenary Lady. Renown for training the best mercenaries in all of the CaraÍbes Isles." This shows the audience Sir Gerard wants a personal connection. With Lady Florjes who gives him the job and recommends him for other missions. He also enjoys telling a ten year old about these grand adventures. And he gives time to the boy! This is a huge characterization, he's patient and kind; and the fact is, he's willing to help and share so then Salvador learns to one day, his dream, to be a knight. I love their friendship!!

3. Sentence Rhythm: The fun thing about being a writer is the prose. How the sentence structures are, the sound, and most importantly the words. The complex, elegant and long descriptions and narrator's structure. The nice, different lengths: short and long sentences. This is a difficult element to master, and I have to say, this story does a wonderful job at it! There is one part, where I get a little excited by sentences rhythm and overall the whole paragraph. In chapter three, "Salvador set himself to work. His mind shutting everything out except for his duty. To clean. He swepted, dusted, and mopped. It was tough work too, for Salvador couldn't remember the last time the forge had been cleaned." It does such a great job! Having a rhythm to the sentences keeps the readers engaged. They connect and want to know more. Also the rhythm helps with story pacing, which I have to say is good. Just wow! Chapter Three is one where I fell out of my seat because of the twist. 

Recommendation: 

Fantastic story! I enjoy the historical medieval elements. There are a one or two moments where the past and present tense verbs get switch up throughout the first five chapters. I want to let you know, it's all good. 

The recommendation/challenge, I say to do, is word choices especially in dialogue. Some word choices reflect our modern day times. It disengage me from the historical time period and fantasy world.

One example is in chapter two, " 'The doctor said you should be resting for another three days before you can go about your normal activities. You barely escaped a concussion!' "

In the medieval times, I can be wrong, I don't believe the doctors would have known what a concussion is or would diagnosis Salvador's condition that way. They would be interested in his physical appearance, if there is a bump on his head or his eyes appear red, and definite rest from the injury. Since I'm not for sure, I would recommend doing a little research. 

I know this is a tiny detail, this will help strength the already amazing work! It engages the readers and gives vital information the readers will learn about the 1500s fantasy world! 

Overall, great story. Thank you so much for submitting! I enjoy every minute of it!