"Lasting Love" - @Ella-kazam  

Summary: 

Meet Elizabeth, a 19 year old, freshman in college. She's an average looking girl living a normal life- well normal as it can get. She's extremely kind, sarcastic and selfless. But there's one thing about her that's not... well normal. She doesn't believe in a love that lasts forever. Her parents are divorced, and she's heard stories of horrible break ups between couples that were crazy for each other. So, you can't really blame her. 

Now meet Wyatt Thatcher, a 21 year old, junior in college. He's the kind of guy who can easily make friends. He's always seen smiling and joking around. It's like he's never serious or he never takes things seriously. But that couldn't be more wrong... Wyatt has a secret. A secret that no one- not even his childhood best friend, knows. 

But what happens when Elizabeth finds out? Will she be able to handle it? Or will she break off their friendship? Or better yet, will something other than friendship, maybe love itself, bloom?And will Wyatt be able to prove her wrong about her thoughts on love?

Initial Reaction: 

A cute college romance story, sign me up! The narrator's voice peaks my interest, how Elizabeth has humor trying to survive college and running away from strangers. It also sets up the scene (beginning with the first chapter references the future, where the story will lead the audience to the story's ending) and her struggle and desire to connect with others. The first line creates the story's tone: "Deep in your heart, I love you and nothing's gonna change my love for you." Then the next part, the audience resonates with her. She's unsure about love - if it lasts. Don't want to reveal any spoilers, it's a good story! I throughly enjoy reading all five chapters. 

P.S. Love the italics! I agree in the author's note. It is fun writing in italics. 

Strengths: 

1. Voice: The narrator's voice is excellent! I throughly enjoy the meta quality, as the reader, I feel like Elizabeth is talking directly to me; especially in chapter one, where the first section she's talking from the future (where the story will end). The contradiction shows what Elizabeth will struggle with: her overarching conflict. "You see, I don't believe in a love that last a lifetime. Well . . . I didn't." The audience learns within the first three paragraphs, she doesn't believe in love. Questions arise with us, the readers: why doesn't she believe in love, what experience did she go through to have this mentality, and wait, what happened for her to start to believe in love that lasts forever? I'm instantly intrigued and wanting to know how and what happens to be able to open up and trust another person. All of this is achieve with the strong character's voice. Along with the flashbacks, the audience get to witness. This inclusion keeps the readers engage and being apart of the story. It's great! 

2. Structure: I squeal when I read "Previously on Lasting Love," for the first time in chapter two! This is amazing transition to the next chapters, I enjoy every time I read it at the beginning of each chapter. It reminds me of a cute romcom television, where the audience gets to see flashbacks; plus, it's a great tool to use when we update our story to remind the readers the highlights / where the story left off. It's brilliant! Another element is it provides a great organization for each chapter and for the story as a whole. The pacing is nice and smooth, when the pace is at its good point, the readers understand and connect with the story. I enjoy this so much! I smile so much as I read this story.

3. Humor:  Ah! The humor, the quick wit and the internal conflicts we see through Elizabeth's thoughts. This is one of the strengths because I relate with Elizabeth. I can tell myself, don't look over at the cute guy near the coffee table or have I turned off the washer machine?  Haha. These internal thoughts display Elizabeth's character, and as the reader, I identify with her experience because I've done similar things. Silly situations. And thought similar thoughts about myself and others. Even the key words like "Just walk away" in chapter three. Short and straight to the point. I feel like we've all thought that at least one time or another. My favorite part is: "he doesn't even know you're here; his back is towards you. Just move your feet, okay? . . . Anytime now." Haha - these thoughts show her personality. How she worries what he thinks. She wants no conflict or attention on herself. And yet, she still finds herself in the middle of uncomfortable scenarios (good ones that help her grow) even if she doesn't want to do it. You're doing a fantastic job! 

Recommendation: 

One suggestion is to do a little more showing versus telling; it'll help strengthen the characters' motivation and desires. Which in turn will amplify the connection between readers and the story. The flashbacks achieve this element really well especially in chapter five! We get to see Elizabeth and Wyatt's reactions, and the most adorable quote from Wyatt: "I, Wyatt Thatcher, promise to make you laugh." My heart flutter! ❤️ 

One method in showing more could be focusing on an item like a mug or peppermint candy that reminds Elizabeth about an incident or experience. Either about her mom and dad? Or an interaction, where her mom or dad try to call her? Elizabeth could ignore or answer with short responses. The readers can witness Elizabeth's decision and show how she doesn't trust others. The audience is told she wants to trust others, and we do see this with the mom and son in chapter two. 

One additional recommendation is about writing tenses. The first part in chapter one is in past tense because the voice is from the future. This works great! Then throughout the chapters, the tenses go back and forth. I've had difficulty with tenses as well. Each tense has strengths; present tense provides quick, straight forward, and amplifies the humor tone that already exists in the story. With past tense, it can provide an extra layer to the smoothness in pacing for past events. Whichever you decide, it'll be marvelous! The consistency will help the readers stay connected with the story. 

I hope the feedback helps! :D

Thank you for your fantastic patience. <3

Similar to my feedback chapters, below is where the external link will provide the story to read! Thank you.