Sometimes people say to me that I act really strange and that I have changed and that they want back my old I because they couldn't like and understand me now. But I think that they don't even want to understand me. Why else do they tell me what a bad girl I am now, and that I am so impolite and distanced to everybody? The first time when I heard that, it made me kind of sad. I don't even really know why. They hurt me with words. With weapons. And they leave scars. But now, I just don't care anymore. Because if somebody doesn't care about me and is just interested in telling everybody how weird I act and how much I changed,
I don't care too. Why should I care? The only thing I do is closing my eyes, breathing deep and then repress it immediatly. In this way I don't feel any pain. And everything is gonna be the best.
But there is one thought that always comes into my mind:
One day I will break down because of the whole weight. I will be powerless and will be on the ground where everybody want me to be.
But then I push that thought away. Because I know very well that I will never show someone my weekness. I will be always able to protect that side of me. I will be strong behind a powerful shield. And nobody will be able to reveal my fassade.
I will keep on doing this.
Again and again.
And I will manage doing this forever.

Really? My inner voice asked me.