Do you believe in the paradise?
I mean we have never seen it. We just dream about it. We create the most beautiful and lovely things in the paradise. We imagine warmful colours there.
But how does it look in reality?
I think that every person has his own imagination. And my imagination of the paradise is a strand and the sea which sparkles because of the colours the sun going down is giving.
And there is a girl.
A girl who walks barefoot over the strand. Who feels the sand under his feet. Who hears the sounds of the sea. Who takes in all the view with the beautiful colours of the sea. Who opens her arms and feels the wind in her hair. Who breaths deep and can feel every breath. Who can even hear her breath.
Who closes her eyes and become pale. Until she disappears in the air. Like she has never existed before.
That girl is away. But she is there. Her soul is there.
I am that girl.

Nothing special. But for me it's a big hope. Even if every hope dies in the end. I believe in that. How could I not do? If I don't have hopes, I wouldn't be able to survive that. I wouldn't have enough power. And this would be my suicide. My death.
And even the death sounds so tempting, I couldn't do that. Maybe I am a wimp. Yes I am. And I am aware of that. And you bet I hate me for this. For everything.
But I cannot do.