Walking inside the house the first thing which I notice that everyone is laughing and talking without in the care of the world.

Even though I am sure my entire house is filled with happy voices but for me, it is the same silence. The silence that has become my fate since that fucking accident.

Caleb looks embarrassed nonetheless happy, as Nick and Lina are teasing him while mom and dad are laughing along.

Everyone seems to be happy, except me.

A wave of anger and jealously washes over me as, since the day Lina has been hanging with Caleb and Nick, they all seem to have forgotten me. She has been coming over at our house a lot and even mom loves having her here.

I am sure she has charmed everybody with her innocent-looking smile and sweet talks.

Sometimes I feel like she has been replacing me in their lives and they are letting her. They never look this happy and carefree around me, like they used to. Maybe now my presence saddens them.

Maybe even they are being tired of me.

Clearing my throat loudly, I try to get their attention. Eventually, mom turns to me and smiles widely at me, then motions me to come over, to which I silently oblige. Lina smiles seeing me when I get near them and in return, I glare at her, which makes her smile falters.

She can fool everyone, but me. If she thinks I can't see how she is distancing me from my family, then she is wrong. Her act will not work on me.

Nick makes a space for me, between him and Caleb. Then I realize they are playing some video game.

They were playing video games without me. A pang of hurt pierces my heart as I swallow hard trying to control my emotions.

It used to be our thing.

First, it was just Nick and me then later Caleb also became a part of this when he was old enough to play.

This made me furious, but I tried not to show my feelings on my face.

Nick places his game controller in my hand, as Caleb starts a new game giving me a challenging look.

This boy always loves competing with me.

Thinking about how much Caleb enjoyed competing with me since he was a small kid, brings a soft smile on my face, diminishing my anger a little.

Mom pats my shoulder giving a look to Caleb, which clearly shows on whose team she is. Caleb, as always, frowns at this as he thinks mom loves and supports me more than him. He doesn't understand mom just teases him.

From my peripheral view I watch, Lina goes and sits beside Caleb draping an arm over his shoulder. She fist bumps with Caleb with another hand. Then she playfully glares at mom and slides her thumb across her neck in a throat-slitting motion.

This makes everyone laugh, everyone but me. Everything about her annoys me. Even now when she is supporting Caleb it irritates me.

I simply don't like her. The way she is happy every time I see her, the carefree and lively look of her.

Everything about her reminds me of my old self. The person I used to be, the person that I can never be.

I know it is low of me to hate her, but still, I feel it is unfair that she has something which I can never have. It is like she is living the life, which I used to live. And every time I watch her, my disability hits me with a great force.

After having lunch, mom insists to watch some old home videos, much to my dismay. My family thinks reminding me of my old self, will help me to get over the trauma of my accident. Like watching old videos will make me remember how I used to as if I am suffering from some sort of amnesia.

What they do not understand is that I can no longer be the same guy as I used to be. The silence which I live with is the reminder that my life can never get back to being normal. As I, myself, can never be normal again.

Sometimes, I wish it was my memory which I had lost in that accident, instead of my hearing. So there would be still a chance to recover... to get back what I have lost. But, unfortunately, I had lost something which can't be gained back.

My eyes shift to the screen in front of me, watching a guy which once I was familiar with... a guy which died in that accident... whereas, I am just a shell of that guy, I am not him.

Not able to watch the video which is mocking me, I turn away and my eyes lands on Lina.

Anger flares up inside me when I watch Lina laughing loudly as she finds something amusing on the screen. When I glance back at the screen I saw the video when we went on surfing and I fell from the surfing board when the large wave crashed into me.

She glances in my direction, still laughing, as Caleb nudges me at points at the screen when I again fell into the water.

"You are a loser." He smugly mouths and wiggles his eyebrows at me.

I feel myself losing all my restraint and all the pent up anger and frustration inside me reaches its limit.

I snap like a rubber band when it has been stretched to its limits.

Angrily, I yank his hand away from my shoulder and throw the nearby vase at the screen, shattering it.

Lina's eyes widen in shock as she jumps from her place and takes a step back from splints of glasses lying across the floor. I look at everyone, and everyone has the same expression of shock due to my sudden outburst.

But only I know this outburst is not sudden, I knew it was coming because of all the emotions stirring inside me. I just needed a reason to explode and now when I got one, I couldn't hold myself back.

"Are you alright?" Caleb gingerly asks as he looks at me with concern. He looks around the shattered pieces of glass then his gaze turns back to me.

"Alright?" I scoff, "Are you asking me am I alright?" I chuckle humorlessly while throwing my hands up and I shake my head in annoyance.

"You all want to know the truth?" I eye each one of them, except Lina as she doesn't know me, and she doesn't matter to me.

"The truth is that I am not alright and I can never be alright. You of all people should understand this." I look at my parents, as sadness washes over them.

"You want me to behave like I used to be, but I can never be like him." I clench my jaws, as irritation crawls inside me eating me from inside, "That Jason was not disabled, the Jason who is standing in front of you as is deaf," I shout as I gesture towards my ears with my both hands.

"I can't hear a thing," I yell as loud as I can, hoping that at least my voice will reach my ears, "I can't hear anything," I whisper almost to myself.

Mom silently starts crying as dad looks at me with a pained expression.

"None of you will ever understand how it feels when one of your senses is snatched away from you... how it feels to live with this constant silence." Raking a hand through my hair, I clench my jaws trying to reign my emotions.

"This silence drives me crazy." I pull my hair, swallowing the lump which has formed in my throat.

"Everyone feels sorry for me, because of my disability, and I hate it." Biting my lower lip I look away, "I hate the look of pity which everyone gives me when they look at me."

"Don't you think that I notice, that how much all of you are happy when I am not around you?" Another humorless laugh leaves my lips as my heart clenches in a painful way. "You don't even feel my absence as you are busy enjoying yourselves."

"It seems like all of you needed a reason to forget me and from what I see you have found one." I glance at Lina, my gaze filled with hatred remembering how my own family forgets me when she is around.

"You will not understand what I am going through, because all you try to do is to make me realize how much of a liability I am. You can never understand my pain because all you want me is to behave as if everything is fine so that your lives get back to being normal."

"I am just a freaking disabled for you, nothing more." Clamping my eyes shut, I take a deep staggering breath.

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Thank you for reading.