What just happened?

My thoughts are running even a long time after we had escaped the camp.

Perhaps I wasn't thinking straight. Perhaps I'm a total doofus. Perhaps. Perhaps...

I never meant for Chris to get shot! I never meant anyone to get shot!

Maybe it's weakness, but I couldn't watch them shoot anyone, even Uncle. I... Just... Couldn't.

Despite everything, all I could see standing there was a man who still had good left. All the beatings, all the screaming, the fact that I'm deaf because of him, it all went away. It suddenly didn't matter. The foggiest part of my memory of the days when he would laugh with me and bounce me on his knee, overpowered all the hurt...

I don't know how... Call it what you will. Weakness.... Strength.... Neither...

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.

It feels all my life all I've known is that I just don't know.

I don't know why Mother left or how she ended up in a slave camp.

I don't know why Mother isn't with us right now.

I don't know if other people realize that I'm blocked off from their world, no words coming from my mouth, no words entering my ears.

I don't know why Odette and Chris seem to care what happens to me; the little mute and deaf girl.

I don't know what Uncle said or why it's not him that's dragging me back to my old home.

I don't know if Chris is going to be ok...

I do know that it's my fault if he's not.

There was never any way for me to express what I'm feeling other than tears, so I let them fall now. Ebele and Odette have been giving me nothing but worried looks this entire walk anyway.

I don't know much about health other than what Mother taught me and I definitely don't know a thing about... Weapons. But if a shot to the arm can cause you to black out instantly then...

I shake my head and realize that our pace has slowed. Ebele turns around and I follow suit to discover that Odette has fallen behind and slowly sets Chris back on the ground. Words begin tone exchanged between her and Ebele.

Odette shakes her head and says something to Ebele as she presses her fingers against Chris' wrist.

She looks more pained than the night she had to witness the slave owners beat me...

How different was it? I'd experienced it every day of my life for years now. But I suppose it hurt more when someone started crying for me... When someone showed they cared... And it was hurting them to see me hurt.

I'd almost forgotten what it'd felt like to be loved.

I study Ebele lips, hoping beyond hope that somehow I could instantly learn to read them. But then I remember, she's probably not even speaking Lugandan.

Odette drops Chris' wrist and holds her stomach, causing me to be suddenly aware of the empty pit inside me, growling for food.

Ebele walks over to Odette and Chris, and after struggling for a bit, manages to get Chris off the ground. Odette slowly stands up and begins to follow us again. She grabs my hand and uses her thumb to rub off the tear streaks on my face.

We have to be getting close to the river...

Suddenly, a single water droplet falls onto my arm. A tear.

Or so I thought.

Odette is looking up at the sky and when I do the same, I suddenly believe in miracles.

It's raining!!!

Out of nowhere, it feels like the pain of every hit, kick, and emotional scar, give up and let go of me, if only for a moment. I let go of Odette's hand and spread out my arms, running through the rain with a feeling of freedom of begun to believe was only fantasy.

The emotion is so foreign, so unexpected, especially at a a time like this, that I'm almost scared of it. But that goes away as I try to savor the sweet moment of joy. Joy. I'm happy.

I stick my tongue out, trying to catch any drops I can to cool my parched throat.

When I glance over to Odette, I notice she has cracked a small smile.

The rain is trying to wash out the layers of dirt that have coated her gorgeous hair. It's having an awfully hard time though, so I run over to her and pull on her arm until she sits down, smiling at me curiously.

I run my hands through her now stuff hair, using my nails to get under the dirt to crack it off.

Odette suddenly snaps her head in the direction of what I soon realize must've been Ebele's voice. Ebele has put Chris down again and Chris is stirring.

Odette whirls around to look at me and I swallow hard, fear creeping back into me for some reason. He's waking up, that's good! Why am I scared? Maybe it's just a reminder of everything that's happened...

Odette pushes urself up and darts over to Chris. I follow behind.

He shifts around for a while before jerking upright suddenly, his face going from surprised to confused to pained again faster than you could blink.

I watch as Chris and Odette begin to have a conversation. Odette talks through tears the whole time; or maybe it's just the rain. Chris keeps shaking his head, quite confused.

I tug on Odette's arm and sign "Tell him I'm sorry," hoping she understands.

When she shakes her head apologetically, I simplify it by signing sorry and then pointing to Chris.

Her eyes widen in what I think is understanding.

She turns to Chris and says something, nodding her head in my direction. I observe them and Chris looks at me, dirt becoming mud on his cheeks and sluggishly trying to get off.

He looks back at Odette and says something. Odette just shrugs apologetically.

Chris looks my way again, with those same eyes, wide with empathy for a past he knew nothing about.

He stretches out his good arm, which is on the opposite side from where I am. I grab his hand hesitantly. He squeezes it and gently pulls me until I go along with it and end up in his lap.

I rest my head on his lap, getting a much awaited sense of security. It's as if he's the father I never got to have.

I force my eyes to look over at his wound. My self-made bandage has all but worn off and the skin under is turning an ugly green. He needs a doctor, and fast.

I lift my head and look at Odette signing, "We need to find a doctor."

But Odette just locks her lips nervously and shakes her head.

I try not to worry about getting anywhere faster than we already will.

We have been going pretty fast since we started; this break is much needed.

We'll keep up the pace and most likely start in a few minutes. If we're going to survive this, we'll need to get back to the village soon for food anyway... I try to reassure myself.

It works, at least for the moment.

Sighing deeply, I fall back onto Chris' chest. He brings a hand up and rubs it up and down my back steadily. The cold rain adds to the peacefulness of the setting as I feel each little drip-drop.