3/25/19 This was written when I was twelve, but I found it and I think it's worth adding here.
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I think the reason I know more, and am more than a regular 12 year old is that I'm always open.

I leave my Mind and Soul open, as to adsorb as much life and knowledge as I can. So I've doubled, tripled, my self, by being open.

I've learned more than most. I search for knowledge, it's like a addiction. I need to know as much as I can, as fast as I can. I need to know.

With my love for learning, has come the expanded meaning and purpose of my soul. Knowledge has given me the leap to know more about what I want to do.

I know what I want to do, be, and see all at 12.
My family has told me I've always been older than my years. My mom has always said that's I've been about 3 or 4 years above my age. That I "Haven't been 10 since I was 7." And I haven't been 12 since I was 8.

Leaving you mind and soul open isn't always great. Or at least from what I've learned.

I know, more than I should, yet less than I want to.

I feel more than what I can control in 12 year old life. I feel more towards everything, and everyone.

I've felt more loss and heartbreak than I'm supposed to have felt by 12.

I'm 12, but at my core I'm 18. I feel like I'm having to wait 6 more years to start a life, I'm ready yearning to jump into. I can see it, I'm so close. But my age will ways keep me behind.

When I'm 40 I'll have felt like I've already lived a few lives, like I've already seen it.

And I can't help but think like I'll be the only one like this. I want to meet someone who's, 12 yet 18. I want to meet them. Because I think they're the only one who can really understand.

My mom knows I'm old for my age. But she doesn't understand how old I am at heart. She doesn't get that I want to be in college right now. And I understand why she can't, why she never will. Because she wants to keep me young. She doesn't want to think she's had her daughter for 12 years, though she's already been through 18 in her life.

And my friends don't get it. In some ways my friends are old like me. But not all of them are
Ann's 13, going on 15.
Starr's 13, going on 16.
But Marie's only 13, going on 13.
And same with Alexis.
She's 12, going on 13.

Who am I supposed to find that will understand me. Because I've yet to meet one, one soul.

No one at all.

And it's lonely.
Feeling more than everyone else.
Knowing more than everyone else.
Being more, just more.
By that I mean I'm more of a developed soul. Im not my years, I'm more.
I'm 18, and they're 13.

What does the universe want from me.

Because I can't take this for much longer.
I need out.

Being more, has yet to gain me a friend, if any it's made me lose some.

I don't advertise my age. I don't want anybody to know. Because then maybe I'll be treated as I feel. Though that never happens in real life.

I'm more, acting as less.
I'm more, being forced to be less.
I'm more, being treated like less.

I will won't get to be free of being more tell I'm a adult. Because people can believe adults could be more. Or at the very least I'll have the options to be more on my own.

And I can't wait. I can't wait to be open without fear, exploitation, helpless, or without losing friends.

I can't wait to be accepted as more and I know people will warn me "it will only be harder" but I can't believe it. Because it's all I got. It's all the keeps me going. The ultimate dream for me right now, is to be able to be openly more.