12/08/18

I have a thing about how I look. For me it's not really that much about how I look, it's about how I present myself.

I have 3 things that really hurt me.

➢Not being included.

I've been shut out to many times. I have huge trust issues because of things I've gone through. I have trouble calling people friends, it takes about 9 months before I will. My trust is fragile, so when I hand it to someone, it's like handing over the key to my head and heart.

So I guess that's why I've always felt compelled to make sure that no one could judge or make fun of me based on what I've wear. After about a year of getting bullied for that, I basically swore to never let it happen again.

➢Not Knowing

I don't know how many hours I spend just trying to get everything. Hours spent understanding the latest trend, the hottest song. I don't like not knowing things, not knowing what people are talking about. In my experience it only leads to not being included.

➢Not Being taken seriously

I hate this one. I don't know how many times my age or my gender has changed how seriously I'm taken. I'm smart I know that, regardless if I don't always believe it. I have good ideas. I know what what I'm talking about. But I'm young and I'm a girl. I like art, reading, and dance. So to the rest of the world, I'm not something to worry about. In most things I do, I'm the only girl my age who does it. The only girl to run for school president, the only girl to do the internship, the only girl to do the math competition. So I get a lot of 'don't worry about her, she's just a girl.' So I've found that If you already act the part of 'badass lady' and you're not being taken seriously, it helps to dress the part.

Those are the reasons I can't seem to dress anyway other that professionally. Jumpsuits and nice pants take up a lot of my wardrobe. I will never be able to shake the idea that my first impression matters when you're a girl. Face level is the only level men seem to see, so you gotta dress like who you are, and who you want them to see. So you'll never find me in a sweatshirt and sweatpants, I don't even own any. I have t-shirts, around 10, but none of them have businesses logos on them. I only wear t-shirts when I either believe in the company that's on it or I like the meaning of the words on it. I have 3 t-shirts that have logos, one for The Girls in Politics Initiative, my International History Day shirt, and my shirt that advertises my charity Girls for Girls. And that's it anything and everything else is either business casual or professional. I'm to paranoid about keeping my image to wear what I find comfortable. I know too well that for us girls, what you wear defines how the world will look at you.

And it's sad, but for the time being it kinda just how it is. And we'll learn how navigate it, that's what girls do. We adapt and thrive with what ever the world throws at us. Girls are just like that, beautiful, brilliant, and most of all resilient.

Sincerely,
Eliza.