5/9/19
This is dedicated to every child, who because they have a brain like mine was forced to endure too much, too young. This is for you my friends.
•••
Welcome to this chapter where I rant a little, in a very educational, poetryish like way.

The word gifted has been one I've been associated with since I was 7. It's been a blessing and a burden.

When I say 'gifted' I'm not referring to being talented at something, or being a prodigy.

I'm referring to a state of being.
People, remember this as you read, we're regular people.
A type of persons that are often ostracized.

To be gifted is to be what we call 10 to the 79th.
This:
10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 000,000,000,000,000,000

10 followed by 79 zeros.

To be gifted is to have that many neural connections.

The average person has 10 to the 11th.
This:
1,000,000,000,000

It's possibly a noticeable difference isn't it.

And I'm not here to shame or dis, or to say I'm better. I was born with this brain, I can't change it. I'm very aware it's a blessing that had nothing to do with me being innately better than anybody else.

I'm simple here to define Gifted for you.

And that up there is the definition of Gifted in its most scientific form.

That's not the way society defines it, if your society defines it all.

The way my country defines it is the top 3%.
The top 3% in IQ. Roughly 128 and up.

The problem with this is that 10 to the 79th does not equal the top 3%, which means we're excluding and including the wrong people.

In my state it's the top 2%. About 130 and up.

"Yay."

And this is where I'll stop defining Gifted and start explaining my experiences as a said "Gifted" individual.

The label of Gifted has basically given me a permanent "bully me" sign to wear.

Because people think that we think we're better, because "I have a bigger brain than yours."

We don't think like that.
I can guarantee that none of us think that.

Because first of all brain mass has nothing to do with intellectual ability.

And second we aren't better than you.

We simply have a different brain than you.

One that makes life a bit more complex.

And because of this "bully me" sign almost no Gifted kid gets to be themselves. They don't get to ask as many questions as they want, they don't get to complain about something being easy.

Because that would be likely adding flashing lights to the "bully me" sign. And yes we're smart enough to know not to do that.

So most of us are usually bored out of minds.
Because a Gifted mind needs, no craves, learning.

It's a necessity.

That we're denied because it would mean prosecution.

And here's another thing if you still think, that we think we're better than you.

We probably struggle more than you do.
Because a 10 to the 79th brain comes with more flaws that yours does.

Ours come with a higher chance of learning disabilities, and other disorders.

Over 85% of the top 1% have a learning disability.

Which mean your schools special ed kids, may also be gifted kids.

Hell, in the USA gifted programs are part of special ed.

We're also 10%-20% more likely to have depression and anxiety.

Because we feel a pressure.
Either from parents, friends, peers, bullies, and especially ourselves, to be perfect.

The media says that the gifted/smart kid is supposed to know everything.

I've been laughed at and bullied for getting one answer wrong.

Don't ostracize the gifted kids, be nice.
They're just as much as a regular person as you are. They simply have a different brain than you.

All of what I just told you, that's only the negative social issues.

There are fundamental, developmental, and scientific issues.

Because guys, our brains even develop differently.

So yeah, we are different.

Gifted brains develop in what we call asynchronized development.

Which means we're years ahead in somethings, and year behind in others.

A gifted kid may be 4 years ahead in analytical processing, but 3 years behind in emotional processing.

And boom! That's how we get gifted kids who are brilliant mathematicians, but they can't hold a conversation that isn't about math.

So that's also how we're unbalanced in skill, well that and learning disabilities.

My best friend is gifted (and only gifted friend) and she's pretty brilliant. First glance she's amazing at every subject. Except she isn't. I'm talking about my friend Ann. Ann is best at math, amazing at algebra, started taking trigonometry at 13. But she can't do geometry. And Ann couldn't memorize her times tables when she was younger. It took her 2 years to be able to memorize 7 • 9.

But Ann was bullied so terribly when she was younger. From ages 5-7 Ann didn't have friends, and cried almost everyday from the bulling. She was 5!

Where Ann used to live the term 'Gifted' was like a challenge. Her school required her to take a test every week to stay in the gifted program. She wasn't allowed to just be, no she had to prove herself every week.

You know what kind of anxiety that creates in a 8 year old? Especially one that can't memorize their times tables, but can do algebra?

Yeah a lot, and almost all of us have that.

I haven't gotten a B since I was in 4th grade, and I just recently had a panic attack because my science grade dipped to 90.63%. I cried because, well I don't really know. But in my brain it's unacceptable to have anything lower than a 94%.

I feel as if I'm, at the flip of a switch, letting everyone know that I'm not perfect at school. Which would lead to this "I have a higher grade than the smart kid!" Over and over and over again.

That tears you down.
Especially when that's something you hear from a young age.

It creates a complex within some of our brightest minds, where failure is not acceptable.

Failure is the end.

So gifted definitely doesn't sound that fun when we look at that, does it?

Yeah well it's not fun, but it's definitely given me something that makes it worth it.

Connections.

And by connections I mean multiple things.

I mean that I have this gift that is unexplainable, but I find to be eye opening to experience.

It's the ability to connect. That's it.

I can connect numbers that most can't.
I can connect words.
I can connect stories.
And I can connect with other gifted kids.

It's like immediate respect, and kinship.
It's the baseline understanding we get nowhere else but with each other.

It's being able to know it's safe to be who you are with this person.

It's safe to know all the answers, because they know them too.

It's safe to not be able to talk to people, because they struggle with it too.

It's the ability to have a intellectual conversation that actually makes you think.

Because we never get to think like that with another person.

Except for when it's us.

And those connections, that bond.
They make it worth it for me.

———————

Next time I go through a awful Gifted kid moment, we'll talk about how "wonderful" it is to be a Twice Exceptional.

Till Next Time,
Eliza.