I sat on the floor, unmoving as the sound of ripping paper echoed in my head. I didn't want to believe that it was gone. Kyle's last words repeated like a broken record.

'You were never normal.'

With my fists still shaking in rage, I shut my eyes to try and stop anymore tears from falling. Was that true? What did it even mean to be normal in the first place? Was everything I did a waste of time? Would me eating words make any difference in my life? Even though I had been trying so hard to be normal and accept my fate, it obviously wasn't working. He saw right through me and tore my ephemeral happiness apart, literally. What Kyle did left me hurt, confused and bitter at the same time.

My breath was shaky when I sighed. Using the chair for support, I stood with a staggering balance. The pieces of scattered paper that surrounded my feet were crumpled and dirty. Could they be put back together somehow? Even if they were, it wouldn't make a difference. It would still be worthless in his eyes. What made him so angry? Had I done something wrong? I didn't understand.

I wanted to take care of that drawing. Even if he didn't like it, I did. Now I had to redraw it all in one day. The uneven pieces of paper that fluttered to the wooden floor bothered me. All of the times I pressed my fingers and pencil onto the paper to add shading, the white charcoal that represented the glint of light that reflected in his eyes, the broadness of his shoulders―it was all gone. What would Mister Abington say? Would I fail Art class now as well?

In any case, I needed to clean up the mess we made. The janitor already had enough on his plate with the cafeteria. I patted my cheeks to wake up from my daze and gathered the remains of my drawing into a neat pile with my hands. The grains of dirt and dust clung to my palms as I brought my hands together to pick up the pieces of shredded paper. I had no choice but to tell him what happened. Still, why hadn't my art ripped from the paper like my words did?

Before my thoughts could wander any further, my stomach rumbled. It then dawned on me that I hadn't eaten anything since that morning. I looked around, wondering if anyone was nearby before I devoured my lunch, chocolate cosmos. Not a single person in sight. Relief flooded through my veins when I sighed. However, I couldn't let my guard down. I had to endure it until I found a secluded area.

While carefully concealing the papers with my hand so as to not drop any, I walked to the recycling bin. Did I have any other choice? Sneaking a glance at the vacant blue chairs that were behind me, I sighed. I didn't want to let it go―was there nothing else I could do? Just then, I was hit with a spark of inspiration.

Improvision was my panacea! If Kyle thought it was trash then I just had to make it better in my own way. After all, Mister Abington never said that it had to be realism. Kyle may had thought of it as trash, but that was alright. Maybe he wasn't confident in his looks? I wasn't sure, but I couldn't just give up. I was going to finish before the deadline.

Turning away from the bin, I headed back to my seat and tore out a blank sheet of paper after placing the pile on top of my closed notebook. Just when I was about to write him a note, I remembered that my words wouldn't stay on paper. Was there anything else I could do? I looked around dejectedly for any way of conveying my thoughts to him. Alas, there were none. Oh well.

The papers were slid into my bag after I had put the rest of my belongings away. Tugging the strap over my head, I put the chairs by the door and picked up Kyle's sketchbook. Really, was the drawing really that bad?

Curiosity once again dragged my thoughts to his picture despite his cruel actions earlier. He already saw, and destroyed, my work, so why not take a peek at his? Of course I wasn't forgiving him, but that didn't mean that I would treat his art with the same disrespect mine was given. My fingers brushed against the blue cover that was labelled with his full name, Kyle Buckingham. Before I could lift the corner up, I was interrupted by the shrill sound of the school bell, signalling that it was time for lunch.

I shook off any desire to invade his property and headed to the lunch hall, leaving his things next to the chairs. He would notice it there when he returned. Ahh, but what if it got stolen? That wouldn't be good, I thought, becoming slightly worried.

Conflicting emotions halted my steps as I parted my lips to let out a sigh. No matter what was done to me, I wouldn't let his things get taken. But what if he came back soon? Would he think that I was stealing it when I was bringing it into the classroom?

I let out a groan of frustration when my lavender eyes landed on Kyle as he sprinted around a corner, heading straight for his things. I flinched back, deciding that I would rather not cause unnecessary conflict by letting myself be seen by him. It was alright; his bag and boom were safely laying by the chair. Thankfully he hadn't noticed me because he was with a friend, so I turned away and hoped that my pearlesque hair would be hidden by the crowd of students that filled the hallways.

xx

"Ziv! Why the long face?"

"Yeah, you seem a little upset."

I looked up from my miniature buffet that Mom had stuffed into my lunch container, surprised to see Sophie and Abigail watching me with anxious faces. Was I that easy to read?

"Oh um, don't worry; nothing's wrong! I'm fine. A-Anyways, I have that book that you wanted to borrow Sophie!" I mentioned, in hopes of stirring the conversation away from me.

Sophie instantly smiled as soon as I brought the heavy book from my bag and handed it to her. She squealed with delight while examining the book's cover and the first few pages. "This is great! Thank you! Are you sure I can borrow this?"

"Of course. Just make sure you take care of it; it's precious."

She nodded knowingly before tucking the book in her bag and going back to eating her spaghetti. After taking a few slurps of the noodles, she looked up as if she had remembered something important.

"Oh, oh, Ziv! I don't know if your family celebrates this sort of thing but," she paused to dig in her bag, "Happy Valentines Day!"

I almost cringed at the sight of what she brought out; a box full of bonbons. My stomach was already twisting in rejection. I didn't think I could handle anymore sweets. Or any other foods that weren't words, really. "Sophie, this must've been expensive. I couldn't―"

She merely shook her head. "Don't worry about it. It was only $25 because I searched around for some coupons. Think of it as an appreciation gift for the book."

"But―"

"No, seriously. Take it." She pushed the scarlet box covered in silk bows in front of me with determination.

"But I didn't get either of you anything." I didn't even know the holiday existed in the first place! I felt bad for being ignorant of local holidays, plus I wasn't very good at accepting gifts.

Abigail's lips twitched before she let out an exaggerated sigh. "Just accept it, Ziv. Here," A bag of variously colored macarons wrapped in a polka dot bag was placed on top of the box.

I turned to her. "Abigail, you know I can't accept this! You shouldn't waste your money on a gift for me..."

She clicked her tongue, slamming her fist on the table. "Would you rather me give you black licorice? I know how much you love macarons, Ziv. You thought I didn't notice you eye-raping the macaron cake that Mother gave me for dessert two months ago? Don't be stubborn."

My face burned at her vulgar choice of words. "Still..."

A hand landed on my shoulder. "She's right though. Besides, today's your birthday, right? You mentioned it awhile ago in science class. Spoil yourself a little, you deserve it."

They were both staring at me with intense gazes so much that I couldn't help but give up. "...All right."

Abigail chuckled in contentment at my answer while Sophie ruffled my head.

"You'd better. Anyways, who're you?" Abigail inquired, addressing Sophie.

"Ah, right. Sophie Smith. Me and Ziv met a few days ago. You?"

I noticed that she had narrowed her eyes after Sophie spoke to her. "...Abigail Robinson."

"Nice to meet you!" Sophie held her hand out in front of me, probably wanting to shake Abigail's. Before I could warn Sophie of Abigail's... condition, she had already reacted with a look of horror before quickly swatting the hand away.

"Ah, sorry. I don't shake hands. Did you sanitize them?"

Sophie looked at her hand in shock before looking at Abigail. "Are you calling me dirty?"

"No dear. I just have a rather troublesome defense reflex to anything or anyone that gets within two feet of my personal space without warning."

"Sorry, I probably should've told you earlier." I laughed nervously, hoping to lighten the tension. I wasn't sure if her condition was real or not, but I didn't bother asking.

Sophie waved her hand over the matter. "It's fine, you just forgot. Anyways, are you sure you're okay Ziv? If you're still sick I can take you to the nurse if you want?"

I shook my head. "I'm all right, just a little..." I trailed off, suddenly remembering Kyle's words. "I wanted to ask you two something."

Abigail watched me expectantly, nodding for me to continue. "What is it?"

I fidgeted in my seat, contemplating how I should ask the question. "Oh um, am I... am I normal?"

Sophie's eyes widened at my words while Abigail smiled.

An arm wrapped around my neck before I was pulled into Sophie's embrace. "Being normal isn't important―being you is. You're perfect just the way you are, dummy."

I stiffened, not expecting her sudden act of affection. My words were jumbled as they escaped with every breath I strained to take in. "Th-thank you." I wasn't keen on her referring to me as a dummy, but I accepted it during that moment. "Thank you so much."

I felt her hand on my forehead, pushing the loose strands of white hair that blurred my vision. "No prob. You're a good kid."

"Hey," I muttered after sitting up, "I'm not a child anymore. I'm fourteen, which means that I'm older."

Sophie's lips twitched when she tried to suppress her smile. "By one month."

"Actually, I'm older than both of you," Abigail interrupted after swallowing an eclair, "My birthday was last month."

I laughed halfheartedly, distracted by a sudden realization. "We'll be graduating soon."

The two of them grew silent as time silently caught up with us. We were growing every day and would only continue to move forward with our lives. Middle school? Ha, this was child's play compared to high school. I still had no idea where I was going yet; the schools nearby were pretty below average and I felt like I wouldn't actually learn anything there.

If I remembered correctly, Abigail was aiming to be a fashion designer and Sophie wanted to take over her family's bakery. I wanted to support them wholeheartedly, but a concoction of envy and longing was beginning to intoxicate my heart with its sweet fragrance. While they would journey off to the paths of their dreams, I was stuck at the fork in the road because of my incompetence.

Whatever I did never seemed to be enough, and now I was close to failing my classes all because I needed to swallow my words in order to survive. Such a cruel fate this is. Yet a small seed of hunger began to spread its roots deeper within and teased me with the unlimited knowledge. The unlimited knowledge that I could gain access to in a matter of time. But was it worth abandoning the normalcy of my daily life?

Oh who was I kidding?

I was never normal. I was simply me.