* It was happening again, I was on the bridge, the wind hitting me and sending chills up and down my spine. My family talking to me with such dissapointment.
I heard a loud horn blow and wagon head lights blinded me, scorching my retina. I stumbled backwards as the sensation of falling grabbed me. This is where I usually wake up, but I didn't. Not this time.
I kept falling, the ground getting close and closer to me. Well the water I should say, the water that lay underneath the bridge I was on. I broke through its surface and kept sinking, my lungs were bursting and I slowly felt my life leaving me. *

I gasped for air and sat up on my bed. I held my hand against myself to make sure I was alive, my heart was still thumping away in my chest. I breathed out and fell down into my pillow. I'm alive I turned onto my side and saw the application being lit by the street light outside. I felt my heart tug and a weight being heavily laid across my body. I couldn't keep on with this, I just couldn't.

I needed to get away, I needed to be anywhere but here. I rushed out of bed and snuck downstairs, it was 5am so I hoped I didn't wake anyone up.
The cool air hit me as I grabbed my bike from the back garden and left. Rain pelted against me.
Before I knew where I was going I was already heading towards the bridge. Sure it was only a dream but I felt so at peace when I sank, when the water ran down my throat and filled my lungs. I dropped my bike down and sat on the bridge. Already it wasn't like the dream.
From up here the cars didn't look as pretty and the metal wasn't as smooth. It was more flaky and the top layer crumbled in my hands.

Maybe my life didn't have to end like this, maybe I just needed an escape.

I gripped my phone in a freezing hand and shakily typed in the number I had been tempted to dial for a while. I felt sick as the phone began to ring, a part of me wanted to hang up. But what had I got to lose? I was already sitting on a bridge inches away from no longer existing.
"Hello you're through to childline" a nice sounding woman spoke to me.
"I have a problem" I spoke, hoping she would hear me over the roaring wind.
"I'll patch you through to a counsellor. Stay on the line please" I heard the classic music, my stomach began to churn and I felt like I was going to throw up and cause a car crash to happen as my chunks hit someone's windscreen. Before that could happen another woman was talking to me.
"Take your time" she told me after I had been silent for a considerably amount of time.
"I'm... I'm on a bridge" I told her. My voice surprisingly calm.
"May I ask what you are planning on doing there?" I could hear the urgency in her voice.
"Jump I guess. I don't know, damn I don't know!" I rushed out as a wagon made the bridge shake underneath me "I just feel like I need to get away"
"I'd highly suggest going to the hospital" she told me, was it really that important?
"oh. Oh. Okay" I nodded and began to stand up, I couldn't stay here all night. I couldn't jump either. What about Anna? I couldn't leave her. I needed help, that's all I needed. I could feel the fog lift from my mind and I jumped down from my bike. The woman was talking but I wasn't hearing anything but a buzzing in my ears.
"Thank you" I told the woman and hung up. I sped away on my bike towards the hospital and as far away from the bridge as possible.

~
I placed my bike out front and walked into the big white building. My heart thudding rapidly in my chest.
I cautiously walked up to the front desk and a woman at reception looked up at me with tired eyes.
"I, um, want to die" I told her awkwardly, she didn't give me an odd look. It almost seemed like a normal thing that happens at 6am on an a Sunday.
"Fill in this form please" she told me all business like send handed me a clipboard. I nodded and took a seat, pen in hand.

I couldn't help but notice how empty the hospital was as I filled in the form, I didn't have to worry about waiting time. I could get out of here with some meds before my parents even woke up.

"Hi" a guy in a doctor's suit sat next to me, he looked about my age which was odd. He was probably a student in university though and not just coming out of high school.
"Hi..." I replied as I continued to write.
"What are you doing here on a Sunday night?" The man asked, he had a curly mop for hair that was brunette and piercing green eyes.
"Um. Well I was on a bridge and then I was told to come here"
"Why were you on a bridge?" He questioned
"Well, you see, I feel like I have this weight on my chest and I just wanted to get rid of it. I guess" he nodded but he didn't take note. I found it odd he was questioning me out here "are you a doctor?" I questioned.
"I better be getting back before they notice In gone" he winked at me and began to casually walk away. Without turning around he put a hand up to me "later bud"
That was weird. I thought but I didn't have time to let it faze me too much as I was led away by an obviously official nurse and taken to a room.

A man in a white coat shook my hand and told me to take a seat. I nervously did.
"So Dan" I nodded "what seems to be the problem?" I told him what I had said to the guy outside, except I didn't question his degree. "Do you take medication?"
"I used to take prozac but I stopped" I said. I was getting better so I didn't see the point of letting some pills control my happiness, wasn't a good idea.
"Were you adviced to do so?"
"No. No I, um, I just stopped taking them" the look he give me was a look I'd seen my dad give me so many times, I had come here to escape that. Maybe it was a bad idea. "is there anything you can do? Please I just want to escape"
"I don't think you'd harm yourself Dan so I'm deciding to not admit you. I'll set up a therapy session for you" he was about to write it down when panic shot through.
"No please! You have to do more, give me more pills. I already go to therapy it does nothing. I have this constant feeling of not belonging, of being cast out. It, It's like I'm drowning but I can see everyone else around me breathing and living" okay I may have altered a post I've seen on tumblr but it worked.
I watched the guy put a cross on the "admitted" box and scribbled his name on the page.