I'm rewatching glee and it's so weird bc they perform sing by mcr and like then they get a letter from mcr saying that the mcr guys didn't want them perform it bc the teacher abuses animals (he doesn't actually but they're told he does) and another teacher also talks about how she had an affair with bob Bryar

~~

-Gerard and I were making out on his couch, his hands running over my body. Things were getting heated between us now as he laid on top of me.

"M-Maybe we should slow down," he said, panting as he pulled away.

"Why?" I asked.

"We just...we haven't been together long and I didn't think you would be comfortable doing anything just yet," he said. "Or anything at all. I know some trans people who don't like having sex because they aren't in the correct body."

"I-I do hate my body but...but I like you," I said. "And I've had sex before."

"Let's just take it a little slow, okay?" He asked and I nodded. "You hungry? Should I make dinner?"

"Yeah, that sounds good," I said.

He went over to the kitchen and I followed, sitting on the counter. Gerard played some music as he cooked. He turned around and placed his hands on my hips. His lips were on mine again and I tangled my hands into his hair. I gasped softly as I pulled him closer. We heard something sizzle and we saw the pot boiling over.

"You're so distracting, babygirl," he muttered. "I just can't keep my hands off you."

I giggled quietly and he finished cooking before we were sat together at the counter.

"So, you ready for your last week of school?" He asked.

"No," I said.

"I'm fucking terrified," I said. "It's just so miserable and it makes me even more miserable than I already am."

"Hey, it's gonna be okay," he said.

"And I'm gonna be at your graduation ceremony," he said.

"Really?" I asked and he nodded. "I just got my cap and gown. It's blue for the boys, girls get gold. So, you know, I have the blue one."

I looked down sadly and he rubbed my back.

"Maybe you can ask to exchange it for a girls one?" He said.

"I don't know," I mumbled.

"Would you rather be in the boys outfit?" He asked.

"No but it's just scary, Gerard," I said.

"I know it is, Sweetheart," he said. "But you're so strong, Baby, you can do anything you put your mind to."

I smiled softly and he gave me a kiss.

"I can try, I'll try my best," I said. "M-maybe I can officially come out as trans. I-I feel like I'm just a fake or something because I'm not out."

"You aren't a fake," he said. "Just because you aren't out it doesn't make you any less of something."

I nodded, eating quietly.

"You want something to drink?" He asked. "I'll some water."

Gerard grabbed us some drinks and I forced a small smile. The silence was tense between us, I begged for there to be anything other than this silence. I didn't care what happened just as long as it went away. We put our plates into the sink and sat on the couch.

"Frankie, are you okay?" He asked.

I shrugged and looked down. Gerard gave me a soft kiss and I sniffled.

"I'm just really upset," I said. "I-I wish I wasn't trans, I wish I could just have a dick and be happy with it. It's so much harder and I feel like other people have it so much easier than me and I just wish that I also had it easy. I wish I could be happy in my own body and content with my life but I'm fucking not and I fucking hate it. Why does it have to be with me? Why couldn't someone else just be trans instead? I just want a normal, peaceful life. I-I wanna be happy without having to have surgery.

"It's gonna be okay," he said softly. "You're so strong, Frank, you're gonna do so much with your life and one day you will be so happy and content in your own body and your own life. And I hope that one day I get to see you that happy."

Gerard pressed his lips against mine and I whimpered. He pulled me closer before he picked me up, carrying me up to his bedroom. He gently pressed me down against the mattress and I moaned. We made out together on his bed and although it wasn't very heated, it was sweet nonetheless. I held him close to me, my arms around his shoulders.

We pulled away and I looked at him for a moment before laying my head down on his chest. His fingers ran through my hair gently and I closed my eyes. I took a few deep breaths as I calmed down. Gerard held me close, arms around my waist.

"Gerard, I don't wanna go home," I whispered.

"No?" He asked and I shook my head. "Maybe you can move in."

"We haven't been together for that long," I said.

"I know but you shouldn't stay in a such a shitty fucking home," he said. "If you're uncomfortable moving in with me then I can ask Lindsey if you wanna move in with her. It's perfectly understandable to not wanna move in with a romantic partner so soon so I don't mind with one you choose."

"I don't really know Lindsey," I said. "But it would be kind of nice to be with another trans girl so often and she can sort of just help me."

"Yeah, that could be really great for you, Frankie," he said.

"But I just don't know, I don't really know her," I said. "I think I would rather live here. I just hate how my dad treats me. I'm nothing."

"You aren't nothing,," he denied. "Frankie, you're beautiful and smart. You don't need him. You're amazing and perfect. He's just a piece of shit. You are perfect just the way you are and I would give anything up just to help you."

"You would?" I asked as I looked up at him.

He nodded. "You're a beautiful girl, Frankie, you're my girl."

"Your girl?" I asked, my heart skipping a beat.

"That's right," he said. "My babygirl."

I leaned up and gave him a kiss. He held my hips and I smiled. I loved the feeling of his bigger, stronger hands on my body. I had always been on the submissive side but could never express it in bed with other girls. But Gerard was different, he was older and bigger and saw me as a girl. I never really thought I could be submissive, how could I just volunteer to be inferior? But now if Gerard as me to a would drop to my knees with the snap of a finger.

"Gerard?" I asked quietly.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"When we do start doing stuff together...c-can I bottom?" I asked.

"Anything you want, Beautiful," he said.

"I'm a little nervous," I admitted. "I've never done anything with a guy before."

"It isn't so bad," he said. "I promise I'll be gentle, the last thing I wanna do is hurt my girlfriend."

God, I love it when he says that.

"Thank you," I said. "Also, does that mean we won't have to use a condom? I can't get pregnant."

"You can still get an STD," he said.

"Oh," I mumbled, looking down.

"Tell you what, tomorrow we can both go and get tested," he said, grabbed a cigarette from the nightstand, lighting it as he put it between his lips.

"I think that sounds good," I said.

Gerard blew smoke up into the air and I watched in slight awe.

"Also, I was thinking that maybe I can get, like, I don't like...like, you know, lingerie," I said, my face burning red.

He smirked. "God, I would love to see you in lingerie."

I giggled, holding his hand. Gerard blew smoke up into the air again.

"Gerard?" I asked and he hummed. "Do you get along with your family? Do they know you do drag?"

"They do know I do drag, I started my senior year of high school," he said. "And yeah, I do get along with them. Especially my brother, the two of us are really close, we have been ever since we were younger. He's got a girlfriend and a daughter too, they're both so adorable."

"He has a daughter?" I asked curiously. "I love kids."

"Yeah, she's so cute," Gerard said. "Her name's Rowan and she's just about a year old. I get to babysit her sometimes and she's just the cutest."

"Tell me more about your family," I said.

I liked hearing about his life, it was so much sweeter and nicer than my own.

"Well, my grandma raised me a lot when I was younger, she got me into singing," Gerard said. "And she was there for me a lot but she passed away when I was in middle school. My parents are really kind too and accepting of me being pansexual, thankfully. They've always been here for me. Mikey was there for me too whenever I was bullied and depressed."

I looked up at him. He went through the same things I do?

"But...you're so pretty and kind and perfect," I said. "Wh-who would bully you?"

"You'd be surprised, I was ugly and fat back then," he said. "Plus a huge geek. God, everyone hated me. I hated me."

I looked at him, my eyes watering.

"Oh, babygirl, don't cry now," he said. "It's okay, I'm in a lot better place now. High school was forever ago and I'm happy and healthy, really."

"How did you do that?" I asked.

I wanted that.

"I don't know, just talked with my friends because they helped me a lot," he said. "Started doing drag because that made me happy. I just kind of started blocking everyone out, all the people that said all those mean things. I pushed them all away and started working out and eating healthier. I lost a lot of weight, I used to just eat my feelings away in sugary sweets. I think that as soon as I lost weight then I started feeling better emotionally. And then when I was able to fit into smaller size jeans I felt better about myself and that helped to boost my confidence a lot. It wasn't just all at once, it was gradual and slow but really, I'm better now."

I smiled, giving him a kiss. The two of us cuddled in his bed until we fell asleep.