I was so upset with Gerard I could barely look at him.

"Baby, I'm sorry," Gerard said.

I just crossed  my arms, turning away from him.

"How many times do I have to say it?" He asked.

"Yesterday was date night," I said. "And I waited at home all dressed up but you never fucking showed up. This is like prom all over again just being ditched."

"I'm sorry, I got busy with work," he said.

"You never even bothered to fucking call," I said. "You just let me sit there and didn't come home until nearly midnight smelling slightly of booze."

"I'm sorry, we'll go out tomorrow," he said.

"No, I don't want to go out," I denied.

Gerard sighed and I heard him pull on a jacket.

"Come on, give me a kiss before I leave," he said.

I turned away when he tried to kiss me and he sighed before he left. I grabbed my phone, calling Lindsey.

"Hey, can you come over?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'll grab dinner on the way," she said. "How does pizza sound?"

"Yeah, it's good," I said before hanging up.

I was still fuming as I paced but as soon as she got here I sat on the couch, angrily eating away my feelings.

"What's wrong?" Lindsey asked.

"Gerard and I planned a date night yesterday and he didn't even come home," I said. "I was stood up by my own goddamn boyfriend. And he has the audacity to go out with friends tonight and leave me behind."

"He stood you up?" She asked. "Th-that doesn't sound like Gerard. You sure you got the day right?"

"Yes, he even admitted to it," I said. "He told me he just got caught up with work but he didn't come home until midnight. That's fishy. Do you think he's cheating on me?"

"No, Gerard is always faithful," she said.

"Was he faithful with you?" I asked.

"Yes, always," she stated.

"Maybe it's because I haven't transitioned yet so he doesn't want me as much," I said. "Maybe he went to a cisgender girl, or a trans girl that has already transitioned. Or anyone, he's pan so he's attracted to everyone. He could've cheated on me with anyone."

"Frankie, he would never cheat," she said. "He loves you so much. He loves you more than anything. It's probably just a big project at work."

"He left, what if he's going to cheat again and I just let him walk right out the door?" I asked.

"What friends did he go out with?" She asked.

"I don't know, it was some college friends," I said. "He didn't say because it was probably all just a lie and he was actually going to cheat on me."

"I bet you that he is not cheating," she said.

"Even if he didn't I'm still pissed off that he just blew me off," I said. "It was our fucking date night! We were gonna go for a dinner and a movie. I'm his girlfriend and we hadn't had a date night in forever, how can he just stand up his own goddamn girlfriend? I make him coffee and breakfast and I know I may not be the best at giving head but at least I fucking try and I get him off every time."

I could feel myself getting  more and more emotional as I stuffed my face with pizza.

"I mean, I know I may not be the best but I have been doing exercises and I've been trying to work on my ass," I cried. "I have been doing exercises, squats and everything and I know it's going slow but my body is starting to change and it's becoming more feminine and I sit home like a lovely little housewife cleaning and cooking and giving him kisses when he gets home and bending over so he can fuck me and all I get is stood up?"

Lindsey raised her eyebrows as I cried into my pizza.

"Are you still having mood swings from the hormones?" She asked.

"I don't know, all I know is that I liked it before but it's changing," I said. "Maybe it's because we've been dating for a while. Is he scared of commitment or something?"

"No, he's always wanted to get married and start a family," she said.

"It really doesn't seem like it," I mumbled. "He's barely ever home anymore, always just working. I didn't realize graphic designers included so many working hours. Unless it's all just a cover for him cheating on me."

"He is not cheating," Lindsey denied. "Gerard would never do that, Frankie, he loves you so much."

"Then why did he ditch our date?" I asked.

"He probably just got caught up in something," she said. "I know he wouldn't do it on purpose."

I sniffled, wiping my eyes.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Yeah, he loves you so much," Lindsey said. "I've never seen him so in love before, you're his whole world."

"M-maybe I am overreacting," I mumbled, setting my pizza box down onto the coffee table.

"It's just the hormones, your body is still adjusting to then so you can get pretty emotional," she said. "I know I was basically a complete mess when I first started on them."

I nodded, smiling sadly.

"When he gets home just talk to him, tell him how you feel," she said.

I nodded, taking a few deep breaths.

"Sorry for freaking out, I was just really upset that he forgot about our date night," I said.

"It's okay, I wish that when I was transitioning and going through all these changes that I had someone to talk to," she said. "I would be here for you during everything."

I gave her a hug and she smiled.

"How about we have a girls night in?" She suggested. "We'll have face masks and paint our nails."

I nodded and she brought me to the bathroom.  She dug through the cabinet and pulled out a container. I sat at the vanity and frowned when she spread something cold over my face.

"Ew, it feels gross," I said. "It's like you're putting glue on my face but it's actually more like clay. It feels like you're putting clay on my face."

She chuckled but continued putting the face mask on me. I helped her after and giggled happily.

"This is a lot of fun," I said. "I'm glad that I met you, I feel like I'm not completely going through this transition alone."

She smiled, giving me a hug.

"Alright, what color nails do you want?" She asked.

"Pink," I said.

"Of course you do," she said with a small chuckle. "Which shade?"

We looked at Gerard's nail polishes and I pointed to a darker pink which was almost like a dark red. Lindsey hummed as she painted my nails

"Lindsey, will transitioning become easier?" I asked.

"It's always hard," she said. "But after your body becomes better adjusted to the hormones it will ease out a bit. Then comes the surgeries—if you have them—which are good but leaves on bed rest which kinda sucks but I guess you'll have Gerard to wait on you hand and foot and you won't get lonely."

"Will other people still mock me?" I asked.

"That depends on who you're talking to," she said. "I usually try to avoid places where I know there will probably be transphobic people at. You'll start to look more and more like a cisgender female and that's when the mocking stops too. People don't know I'm trans when they look at me."

"I wish I looked like you," I mumbled.

"One day you'll look like an even prettier girl than me," she said. "You're gonna be beautiful, Frankie."

"What about things like my drivers license?" I asked.

"Ah, So that's one of the suckish things with being trans," she said. "Gotta legally change your name and your gender, which costs money and time. New Jersey thankfully doesn't require SRS to change anything."

"What's SRS?" I asked.

"Sex reassignment surgery," she said. "But then after you need to get a new driver's license and take a new picture and the DMV takes fuckingr hours which is super annoying. And after you fully transition you may need to do it again just to change the picture for a fully updated one. And then you need to change other documents like bills and taxes and passports."

"Oh wow, that's a lot more work than I thought it would actually be," I mumbled.

"Yeah, everything just has to be changed legally," she said. "But once it's done it's amazing to just know that you're legally recognized as a girl."

"Will you help me with that?" I asked. "I feel like I have to study law just to do it."

She chuckled, finishing up painting my nails. She did a top clear coat when it was done and sighed.

"When do we take the masks off?" I asked, feeling it dry and pull at my skin lightly.

"Soon," she said.

"It feels weird," I said. "I don't like it. Is it gonna hurt when you take it off? Like a band-aid or something?"

"No, we just rub it off with a warm, wet rag," she said.

"It's kinda like those temporary tattoos that we used to get as kids that you, like, press on with warm water," I said.

"Speaking of tats, you've got some pretty nice ink yourself," she said. "Are you gonna get anything new?"

"I don't know, I just sort of don't feel like any body modifications on top of the hormone medicine and different physical and vocal exercises I'm doing already," I said. "But maybe I would get something little. I just feel bad because Gerard's paying my medical expenses and I don't want him to have to pay for a tattoo too."

"Gerard would fly to the moon for you," she said, soaking a rag.

Lindsey gently wiped off my face and when she was done my face felt smoother than I think it ever has in my whole life.

"I have to get going after this," she said. "I'm going to my sister's."

"I didn't know you had a sister," I said.

"Yeah, Amy," she said. "We aren't very close, she wasn't the happiest when I came out as trans but she's been learning and hopefully more accepting."

I bit my lip, wondering if my dad would ever learn anything about my community and accept me back into his life as his daughter.

"Good luck," I said.

She smiled, touching up her makeup before she kissed my cheek and left. I cleaned up our pizza mess and waited on the couch for Gerard to come home. But I sat there watching tv, watching the hours go by before falling asleep.

I was startled awake by something being knocked over followed by cursing. I saw it was two in the morning and I looked at Gerard as he stumbled in.

"What the fuck," I muttered. "Gerard, do you know what time it is?"

"It's present time, duh," he slurred. "Not time traveling in this bitch."

"I wanted to have a nice talk about you standing me up yesterday but you came home so late and you're drunk off your fucking ass," I said.

I scowled and went down the hall, changing into some pajamas before curling up in bed. But I felt the mattress shift and two arms wrapped around me from behind, lips brushing over my neck.

"Oh fuck no," I denied. "I am not fucking you because I am pissed off and you're fucking piss drunk."

I scowled unhappily as I went to the guest bedroom instead, crying myself to sleep.