I stood in the mirror sobbing, my whole body shaking as my cries wracked through me. I ripped up all my dresses, throwing my makeup  into the trash. I didn't need any of that, I couldn't have any of that. I wasn't a girl, I was a boy and I had the dick to prove it.

I picked up an electric shaver, turning it on and running it over my head. Hair fell down onto the ground around me, all of it that I had been trying to grow out for so long now. I looked at my new buzzcut, my eyes watering. Boys have short hair. I'm a boy. I have to have short hair too. I couldn't be a girl. I couldn't. I'm not. I'm a boy. A boy. A boy.

"Sweetheart, don't do that," someone said softly.

I looked in the mirror and gasped when I saw my mom standing behind me. She seemed so peaceful, a soft smile on her face as she was dressed in a soft white dress.

"Mommy," I whimpered.

I fell into her arms, crying into her shoulder. Her arms wrapped around, arms I hadn't felt in years. I missed it, the loving comfort that I could only get from a mother. A mother that I had lost so long ago and missed so much it made my heart ache.

"Mommy, take me with you," I sobbed. "I-I can't do this anymore. I can't do it."

The inner turmoil was eating me away, I couldn't stop the tears that were falling from my face. It was like I was drowning and I couldn't stop. Every second there was more and more weights being added onto my ankles. Gerard was the only one able to take the weights off but he wasn't able to keep up with how fast they were being added. For every weight he took off, two more were added. And it was too much now. It was too much. I was drowning and there was nothing I could do about it.

"I've always wanted a daughter," she said quietly. "And I got the best daughter ever. A beautiful, beautiful girl. You're my little girl."

I looked up at her, my eyes watering.

"I-I am?" I asked.

"Yeah, you're so beautiful," she whispered. "You're my beautiful little girl. I love you so much. I couldn't have asked for a better child. I wish I was there to go shopping with you and to help get your hormones and teach you how to do your makeup and how to style your hair and teach you how to prevent panty lines from being seen under dresses or tight pants and all the other little womanly tips that I know."

"I-I don't wanna be trans," I whimpered. "It's too hard, I don't wanna be this way. I just want to be normal. I need to be normal, I just can't do this anymore, I can't."

"You are perfectly normal," she said. "And you are my beautiful little girl and I am so proud of you. I know it's hard but you're one of the strongest people I know and you're gonna do so much with your life. You're a beautiful girl and you're gonna be so happy with Gerard. You're my beautiful, beautiful daughter and I love you so much."

I sobbed, shaking my head as I buried my face into her shoulder. The weights were pulling me down, every second they grew heavier. My heart was aching and I thought I could almost feel it actually sagging with pure agony.

"I can't do this" I cried. "I don't wanna do this anymore. It's too hard. T-take me with you, Mommy. I-I don't wanna live anymore, I need you. Mommy, please."

My mom gently ran her hand over my hair, my newly cut hair.

"You don't have to ruin all of your clothes and makeup," she whispered. "You're a girl. You don't have to listen to what anyone else says because there is absolutely no changing who you are. You're a sweet, sweet girl, you're my little girl."

"Dad doesn't even care about me, he just threw me out," I said. "He hates me, everyone hates me and that's because I'm just a freak."

"You're not a freak," she denied. "If I were there then I would've taken you away. I would've moved you far away so  it could be just the two of us living together far, far away from that asshole."

"Mommy, I need you," I cried. "I miss you so much."

"You don't need me," she said. "You have Gerard. He's so sweet, I'm glad you found him. I think we would've gotten along quite well. I could imagine you two living together but coming home for the holidays. I could imagine your wedding and all the beautiful kids that you would have."

"We're gonna have kids?" I asked hopefully. "I want to be a mommy so badly, I want to have cute little babies and I want to take care of them and love them. I've always wanted to be a mommy and have babies, I have ever since I was a baby."

She smiled, kissing my forehead. Her hand gently caressed my cheek and I sighed, leaning into the soft, caring touch.

"B-But mommy, I don't know if I can take this any longer," I mumbled. "I don't know if I can do it. It's so hard, I don't fit in, I'll never be able to fit in. Mommy, I need you here with me, I don't know what to do without you."

"You're gonna live a long and happy life," my mom said. "You're gonna be a mommy one day yourself, you're gonna be so happy, you just have to trust yourself and trust your heart. You have someone who loves you and who is going to take care of you. I may not be here but you are not alone and I promise you that, you will never be alone with the amazing people that you are meeting, there's so many people here who love you. And I love you too, I love you so much. I wish I could be there for you, be there for my little girl. Oh, you're my sweet little girl. My daughter, you're my daughter and you always have been and you always will be. I love you, I love you so much, my sweet little girl."

I jerked awake suddenly, looking around. I wiped the tears off my cheeks and sniffled as I looked at my boxers and t-shirt. My heart was pounding, sweat glistening over my body. The dream had me shaking and crying, trying to recollect myself as I forget where I was. It had been so vivid but when I touched my head I thankfully found a full mop of hair.

I went to the closet and changed back into my panties and a baby blue dress. I was thankful that it was actually all still there and none of it had been ripped up like I did in my dream. That made me only ache for my prom dress, the one I had torn to pieces. I loved that dress, that was the start of me realizing who I was and I only wanted to be able to wear it one last time. I would pay anything to get that dress back but the last time I went to the mall I saw that the dresses were no longer being sold.

It's been two days since the parade and I had taken a nap while Gerard was out at work. I've been refusing to acknowledge my transness since then, deciding that I wasn't trans and would prefer to be a boy. But now that I've had this dream, I regret it. I couldn't just avoid who I was, I was transgender and no amount of denial would change that.

"Hey, Baby, I'm home!" Gerard called when I heard the door open.

I ran over, jumping into his arms as I cried.

"Hey," he said softly. "It's okay, Baby."

He set me down and wiped away my tears.

"You're in a dress," he remarked. "Oh, babygirl."

"I-I'm sorry," I whimpered.

"What do you have to be sorry for?" He asked.

"For acting the way I have these past two days because I was just so upset," I mumbled.

"Don't apologize," he said. "It's okay, I understand."

I sniffled and wrapped my arms around him. Gerard held me close to him before we sat on the couch.

"Do you wanna order a pizza for dinner?" He asked.

I nodded and he got up, ordering the pizza.

"What do you wanna drink?" He asked as he opened the fridge.

"Can I have a coke?" I asked.

Gerard came back, handing me the can of coke. I sniffled, curling up to his side as he turned on the tv. He took a drink of his beer as I laid my head down on his shoulder.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you too, Babygirl," he said.

The pizza came and we ate happily.

"What changed?" He asked.

"I had a dream where my mom came to visit me and she told me that I was her daughter and she was so proud of me and she loves me," I said.

"Sweetheart, it's gonna be okay," he said.

I nodded, eating away my feelings with my pizza. When it grew late I went to the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror. I was still a little bit bruised but starting to heal after getting beat up.

"You feeling okay?" Gerard asked as he walked in.

I nodded and he smiled, giving me a kiss. He put some ointment on my wounds and sighed, holding me close.

"Tired?" He asked.

"Not really," I said.

"Well, I am," he said. "It was a long day at work, I think I'm gonna call it an early night and just hit the hay."

"Oh, okay," I mumbled. "I'll head to sleep soon then but I'm not that tired so I think I'm gonna just watch a bit of tv or something."

"Alright, my laptop is on the counter if you want it," he said.

I nodded and he gave me a kiss before walking out. I watched him change into his pajamas before he curled up into bed. I left him alone, going back to sit on the couch. I only stayed there watching tv for ten minutes before I got too lonely and went to the bedroom, curling up next to Gerard.