I looked up Gerard as we snuggled on the couch together. He wasn't paying attention to me, his eyes were focused on the screen. I leaned up and gave him a soft kiss.

"Hey, cutie, what are you doing?" Gerard asked.

"Nothing, I just wanted to kiss you," I said.

I smiled, wrapping my arms around him as I straddled his hips.

"You're such a cutie," he said. "God, I'm so lucky to have a girlfriend just like you."

I smiled, giving him a kiss.

"Brendon and I are having a drag show tonight," he said. "Will you come?"

"Of course I will," I said. "It sounds like a lot of fun. What do you do there?"

"It's sort of like a half comedy half singing performance," he said. "And there's food and drinks there. Ryan and Lindsey will be there too so you can hang out with them."

"It sounds fun," I said.

"And you'll get to wear a nice little dress," he said. "And everyone there will support you for exactly who you are."

"I think that sounds great," I agreed. "Hey, Gerard, a-are you sure that everything's okay? First Mikey was talking with you and now Brendon."

"Babygirl, everything's okay," he said.

"I like it when you call me that," I said with a small blush.

"Good, I'm glad you do," he said. "Because I love calling you that."

I liked the sound of the word 'love' tumbling from his lips. I only wish that it was directed at me.

"You're so pretty, Frankie," he muttered, gently caressing my cheek.

"I think you're pretty too, even prettier," I said.

I smiled, wrapping my arms around his neck. I wanted to tell him I loved him but I was so scared. I've never told someone I loved them before.

"Gerard?" I asked quietly.

"What's up, beautiful?" He asked.

I opened my mouth before shaking my head.

"What is it?" He asked.

"Nothing," I mumbled. "I-I was just wondering if maybe I can watch you get ready."

"Of course," he said.

He smiled, bringing me back to the bathroom. He turned on some music and sat at the vanity, starting to do his makeup. I sat beside him and giggled as I did my own makeup. I was starting to get better but I still liked it better when Gerard did it for me because the contour just made me look so feminine. I have gotten better, though, a lot better.

"You're pretty," I said.

"You are too, Babygirl," he said.

He did his makeup with glittery pink eyeshadow, black eyeliner and big lashes. He really did look like a girl when he put his wig on.

Am I being rude?

Fuck, I don't know.

"Gerard, I-I don't wanna do the wrong thing," I said. "And I don't wanna say the wrong thing either."

"Don't stress so much, Baby, it's only gonna be Brendon and I there dressed in drag," he said. "Neither of us will get angry at you for anything."

"But that doesn't make it okay," I said. "I-If you were to say something transphobic-ly rude to me then I may not be completely angry because you're not trans and you don't understand but that doesn't make it right."

"Well, while we're in drag you should refer to us by our drag names and use female pronouns," he said. "Some people are different. I don't mind as much about the pronouns, Brendon cares a little bit more. Oh yeah, Brendon's name is Sham Payne."

"Sham Payne? Like champagne?" I asked.

"He loves his champagne," he said with a small shrug.

"What's your name?" I asked.

"Gee Goodlay," he said. "But you can just call me Gerard, sweetheart, I don't mind."

"I like Gee, it's cute," I said.

I gave him a kiss and smiled.

"I like that wig, it's cute," I said.

It was short and blonde with big smooth curls.

"Do you wanna wear one?" He asked. "I think I know one you would like."

He went to the closet and held out a wig for me. It was smooth and black and shiny. It was sort of long, it would go passed my shoulders.

"It's pretty," I said.

"Here, you can wear it tonight," he said.

"No, that's okay," I said. "I don't really wanna. I think it's really pretty but I'm trying to...accept myself for who I am and one of those things is my short hair."

I ran my hand over my nearly buzzed hair and he smiled.

"That's amazing, Babygirl," He said.

"But I do want to grow it out a bit," I said. "Not too long but a little bit longer."

I smiled and went back to my makeup.

"Hey, I've gotta leave a bit earlier but Lindsey is gonna come by and pick you up, is that okay?" He asked.

I nodded and he smiled, going to the closet. I frowned, focusing intensely on the mirror to make sure I did my contour correctly.

"Shit, Baby, I've gotta go," he said. "Lindsey should be here in five."

The door opened and closed and I looked over sadly. I didn't even get to see him completely ready.

Either way I finished my makeup just as Lindsey came and she helped me search for the perfect outfit. She was wearing a tight, shirt red dress and she couldn't look any better.

"Lindsey, c-can I ask you a weird, over-personal, TMI question?" I asked.

She giggled. "Sure, what's up?"

"H-how do you suck dick?" I asked.

She laughed and my face flushed red.

"Why?" She asked.

"B-because the other night I-I tried to give Gerard a blowjob and...well, I-I couldn't," I said. "I was just all worried and then he was just so big and I was gagging too much and I accidentally used teeth and I was so embarrassed I just ended up giving him a handjob instead."

"Well, first of all you just need to relax," she said. "I know sucking your first dick is pretty hard—no pun intended—but you can't get so freaked out."

I nodded, sitting down on the bench in the closet. Should I be taking notes?

"And you don't have to, like, deepthroat him," she said. "If you're not ready then don't, just focus on his tip. You can massage or suck his balls and lick his tip. Also just, like, if you lick from the base to the tip then you can focus on other areas than just the tip. Also, dicks aren't naturally wet so spit in your hand then rub it over him, it'll feel better for him and it'll make it a bit easier on him."

I nodded, nervousness still coursing through me.

"And you can't be scared to talk to him," she said. "Talk about what you guys like and don't like. And ask him for help if you need it. Maybe if you ask him to change positions it can make it a little bit easier on you."

I never really thought about that before.

"Oh, also you should just put the first two inches into your mouth then jerk off what you can't fit into your mouth," she said. "Also just work with his balls, he likes that, trust me."

I nodded before frowning softly.

"W-wait, how would you know what he likes and doesn't like?" I asked.

Lindsey looked like a deer in headlights after she realized what she had said.

"D-did you two date?" I asked.

She sighed. "We never really dated, there have just been a couple times where we hooked up as friends."

"Oh," I mumbled.

I knew I couldn't really be upset over him being with other girls, I've been with other girls before. It still just made me a little sick to my stomach.

"But he really likes you, Frankie, I've never seen him so close to someone before," she said.

I nodded, sniffling quietly. I got up and looked through the racks of clothes.

"I'm sorry, Frankie," she said. "It was a long time ago and we were drunk and lonely."

"Y-you don't have to explain yourselves, it was before I met you guys," I said.

I found a simple black dress and put it on. I adjusted the inserts in my bra and sighed, finding some matching shoes.

"Please don't get upset with Gerard," she said. "H-he was in a really bad place, he probably doesn't even remember it."

"I know I can't be mad because it was a while ago and it's over now but it still just makes me sick," I said. "It is over now, right?"

"Of course it is," Lindsey said.

I frowned but didn't say anything more. All of the sudden I didn't want to go to Gerard's show, I just wanted to curl up in bed and cry. But I knew it would be unfair to Gerard if I just skipped his show because I was freaking out over some silly, old one night stands. Besides, I've had my own fair share of hookups.

But I'm not still friends with my hookups...

No, that doesn't matter.

But...

My stomach was just twisting as we got into the car. We drove to the little club and went back behind the stage.

"You two look amazing," Lindsey said. "As always."

Gerard smiled, giving her a hug and kissing her cheek. I frowned, standing a bit to the side as they all talked happily.

"You okay, Frankie?" Gerard asked when he pulled me off to the side.

"Yeah," I mumbled.

"You sure?" He asked.

"I-just nervous," I lied.

"You don't have to be," he said. "I promise I won't call you out or bring you onstage."

I nodded and he wrapped his arms around me. He was so much taller with his heels.

"I'm really glad you're here," he said.

I felt myself calm down slightly as I looked up at him. His hazel eyes stared down at me with so much love and passion and I just smiled, hugging him tight.