I moaned as I kissed my girlfriend roughly, pulling her body tight against mine. Jamia's phone rang and she pulled away.

"Fuck, I've gotta go home," she muttered.

We sighed and moved to the front seat of my car. The windows were fogged up from the heavy breathing between us and I wiped them down. I drove her home and she smiled, giving me a kiss.

"Alright, I'm off now," she said. "I'll call you later."

She gave me a kiss before walking off. Jamia and I have been dating for just over a month now. Although we weren't near the love phase yet things seemed to be going pretty good. She was sweet but just spunky enough to have something about her that intrigued me.

I drove over to my friend Pete's house, going down to his basement. He smiled when he saw me and put down his XBox controller.

"Hey, man, what's up?" He asked.

"Not much," I mumbled, grabbing a second controller before I sat on the other side of the couch.

"You fucking your girl?" He asked.

"We got interrupted," I said.

"How is she in bed?" Pete asked.

"I think that's private," I said.

"Come on, stop being a fucking pansy all the time," he complained. "Does she take it up the ass?"

"Pete, oh my god," I muttered.

"Oh my god, oh my god!" Pete mocked in a high pitched voice.

I kicked him and he just chuckled.

"Alright, let's just play now then," I said. "No more talking about my girlfriend."

"You've always got such a stick up your ass," he said

I didn't say anything as he started up Left 4 Dead. There was always something different about me and the rest of the guys, I always felt different. I always felt as though I didn't really belong there with them but either way I still hung out with them because I was supposed to. I didn't wanna be like the one gay kid at my school who was just a social outcast that no one really liked.

"I don't have a stick up my ass," I denied. "I'm just not fucking immature like you."

"Whatever, Frank," He said.

I scowled softly at the use of my name.

We just killed zombies together until i had to go home. I went up to my bathroom and turned on the shower. When I stripped down I avoided looking in the mirror. I just hated my body. I don't really know how to put it into words, it just wasn't right. And my distaste for my body was masked by my trying to make it better by covering it up in tattoos.

"Frank! Don't keep that shower running like you always do!" My dad shouted.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. I remember when I went through puberty and every single second of it was awful. Every other guy was excited for facial hair and deeper voices and bigger dicks. I don't know why but I just wasn't looked forward to it, I dreaded it. And when "the wonders of the changes of my body" ended, I hated myself even more.

It grew to the point where I was unhappy, I was so unhappy. It just wasn't right, nothing in my life ever felt right. And when my mother passed away, I almost took my own life. I hated being alive and I hated being in my body and not being able to just be happy. I was never really myself and I just didn't even really wanna live anymore.

I didn't spend much time in the shower before I was just laying in bed in sweatpants and a hoodie. I scrolled through my phone before getting up to do homework. I sat at my desk for a little while before I went downstairs. My dad was outside at the grill.

"Dad, I don't eat meat," I said, looking at the steak in distaste.

"Stop being such a whiny girl," he said. "Just eat the meat like a man and stop eating just your dainty little girly salads."

"I don't want to eat the animals," I said.

My dad scowled, shaking his head in disappointment. My dad was one of those stereotypical guys. He was captain of the football team and resided in a frat house. He loves sports and steaks and beer. He was also disappointed in raising such a sissy son.

"Just go," he said.

I scowled and stormed back inside. That was another thing we always argued about, my vegetarianism. My mom didn't mind, she thought it was good and even tried it with me but she only lasted a couple of months. My dad hated that I was vegetarian, he always said that real men ate steaks and burgers.

I felt as though every time he told me to "man up" I felt as though another weight was added to the chains around my feet. And then now I was just here and I was drowning and drowning and there was no way out of this emptiness that just seemed to grow inside of me. It was exponential when my mom passed away and now having to wake up every morning and look in the mirror just seemed torturous.

It was just something that was slowly killing me from the inside out, a depression with a goal to only leave me empty. When I was a kid I used to get angry a lot and my parents never knew why, I almost got kicked out of preschool. I was just a sad and angry kid and I would take it out on my classmates. My anger dissipated near high school and it only evolved into an eternal despair.

When I attempted suicide last year I swallowed a bunch of pills. My dad found me and i was rushed to the hospital where I had my stomach pumped. I was in a coma for only two days and it felt like years before my life seemed to go back to normal. Back to my despair that was slowly killing me from the inside out while everyone else just ignored it because of course I'm a guy and guys aren't meant to be sad and weak.

And it only seemed to make me worse. The whole idea of what it takes to be a man was just killing me. Literally. One day the struggle to try and mold myself into the man that I was supposed to be was going to kill me and I was going to kill myself.

Nothing in my life had ever been right. Every second of my life has been wrong. Ever since I could remember I knew that there was just something wrong in my life but I could never quite point it out whenever I would run to my mom crying. The other kids at school were happy and everything for them always seemed right. It wasn't right for me. Everything was all wrong.

I went back up to my room and grabbed my laptop. My eyes glanced up to the suit laying over the back of my desk chair. In just three days it was going to be my senior prom and I was going with Jamia. We were both excited, it was one of our last events before graduation. I think Jamia was more excited for the after party. I got a hotel room for us and already had a box of condoms ready.

I got up and ran my fingers over the suit, scowling softly. I always hated wearing suits. Even the idea of wearing them just made me a little sick to my stomach. But I had to wear a suit, it's not like I could just wear anything else.

"Fuck," I muttered.

I realized I had forgotten to get the tie to match Jamia's dress. I grabbed my car keys and drove to the mall. I grabbed the dark blue tie, sighing in relief because they still had it. I paid for it and walked down the mostly empty mall.

I came to a stop when I glanced into a store. It was a store that sold dresses and lingerie. Right in the center there was a dress on display. It was long and dark red, almost like the color of wine. It was simple and stunning and had a slit in the leg.

My legs seemed to move against my own will as I walked towards it, completely mesmerized by the dress. My heart swelled as I stared at it, it was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my whole life. It was calling out at me, speaking to me. Buy me, Frank, buy me buy me buy

"Can I help you?" A worker asked.

I looked at her, completely at a loss for words.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" She asked and I nodded. "It's on sale too. You got a girlfriend? I'm sure she would love this."

I nodded my head, reaching forward to gently touch it. It was soft and smooth and like liquid gold against my skin.

"What's her size?" She asked.

"I-I don't know," I mumbled. "She's the same size as me."

She looked through the rack and pulled out the dress. She held it against me and nodded.

"This seems about right," she said.

"I'll buy it," I said.

I paid for it before quickly hurrying out of the store. I rushed home and went up to my room, shutting and locking the door. I held the dress up against my body and looked at the mirror on the back of my door. The dress was beautiful and seemed even more beautiful on me. I put it on nervously and looked in the mirror.

I immediately broke down sobbing.

It was perfect, absolutely perfect. For the first time ever things felt right. Wearing this dress was right, it was beautiful. I cried quietly, wiping the tears off my face. I grinned, laughing happily. It was now that everything actually felt right.