Idea: it's based on this that I saw on pinterest, original art by likeafunerall on instagram

Words: 2025
Warnings: talking about sex

Muggle AU

It was 2am and finally he could hear the sound of keys turning in the lock and see the door open. Sirius walked in and immidately almost fell over, but he caught his balance. Sirius closed the door behind him and walked further into the apartment.

"Where have you been?" Remus asked coldly from his armchair he was sat on, while staring closly at Sirius's every move. He was tired and wanted to go to sleep as fast as he could. In fact, both of the two were tired.

Sirius grinned the same way he grinned when they were 15 and put his keys down on the kitchen counter. "I was driving around with the car." Remus glared at him, wiping the grin off of Sirius's face. "Why are you looking at me like that? Have I done something wrong..?"

"Hell yeah you have done something wrong! It's 2am! Don't you dare to tell me you were driving around for four hours!"

"Oh.. yeah, right. Well fine, I did go to a bar with James. I had great time by the way, thanks for asking." "Oh great, so you were drunk out of your mind too while driving. Jesus Sirius. We are closer to 25 and you are still just as irresponsible as you were at 12! Pathetic of you, really. Escaping the reality, huh? Fucking take it like the rest of us!"

"I was not that drunk, Remus. Besides, is it really a crime wanting to have a break for once? I haven't had a good night sleep for months, working my ass off. I'm trying so fucking hard do you not understand? So yeah, I did want a break. Why are you even mad? Is it because I didn't take you with me? I'm not your child. I'm an adult. I can do what I want. Or do you really not trust me even that one bit to let me be alone for a few hours? Do you really think that if you let me go out of your sight for more than an hour, I'll go shag someone else?"

"I'd assume so. Isn't that how you get people to like you?"

Sirius's eyes widened from shock. Yeah, he was a little tipsy, but not drunk enough to be hearing things. He chuckled codly and walked back to the door, only grabbing his headphones as he went. "I really thought I finally found someone who didn't love me for my body but I suppose I was wrong on that too. Gosh, I don't know why I let myself fall for you. You know, I really did love you. And I'm sorry I didn't realize it wasn't both sided ealrier. Oh and no, I didn't shag anyone else. I was with James the whole time, if you even care."

And then he was gone.

Remus realized quickly what he had done. Sirius had many insecurities due to his trauma, but certainly the biggest one was if people liked him or not. His whole life he had had people pretending to like him because he was hot. Remus knew how fragile Sirius's trust was. Yet he had still said it. He was tired and pissed off, but he still wouldn't stop mentally hitting himself. Oh god, what had he done?

He ran after Sirius and caught up to him. He grabbed his wrist and turned Sirius around to face him. Sirius had tears running down his face, but they stopped when he saw Remus. He turned his face to emotionless. It broke Remus to see that. Sirius had never before hid his true feelings from Remus, because Sirius was always able to trust him. Now Sirius didn't trust him anymore.

"I.. I'm sorry, Sirius. I swear, I didn't mean it. I love you, I really do. Please, I promise I didn't mean it. You are the love of my life, you always have been. I was worried about you" he muttered and tried to kiss Sirius, but the boy flinched and pulled away. Sirius shook his head quickly, "You don't trust me, so why the hell would I trust you, Lupin?"

Remus's heart sunk deeper than it had ever been before. He would take a hundred hits and a thousand more just for one more kiss, but he knew it was wrong. It was selfish, even. "I don't know... Because you love me?" Remus suggested with a whispered. "Yeah, unfortunately so. I fell for the wrong guy" Sirius stated and then pulled his hand away from Remus's grip. "Really I thought that if I showed you every single thing about me, you would still love me. I was wrong. I'm just a whore to you, aren't I?"

He walked away before Remus could answer.

Remus's whole world shattered apart in those dark minutes of 2am. He walked back to the apartment. He remembered how happy he had been when they first bought it. He couldn't have been happier. It was a dream come true for the both of them. Now it felt like a nightmare. In all honesty, Remus couldn't care less which apartment they were living in, if it was with Sirius.

The keys were still on the counter where Sirius had left them and Remus's tea mug was still sat half empty on the coffee table. Remus threw the mug accross the room.

Remus had always been and awkward person, always had struggled with communicating. It seemed like Sirius was the only person that could understand him propely. So maybe it was the fact that they were both tired, or perhaps that Sirius was tipsy, but now he didn't. He failed to catch Remus's worry over the boy. Instead he had caught exactly what Remus had given him.

Usually, they would have laughed it off as a joke. But really, it was a very bad timing for that. Remus knew Sirius wasn't a whore at all. Sirius was loyal like a dog (hehe). Remus knew that Sirius would rather die than cheat on Remus.

It was closer to 4am when Remus was on his fifth bottle of whiskey, before he passed out.

Remus woke up at 11am from the couch. He had a blanket on him, which he didn't remeber putting on himself. He had a huge headache, which only got worse when he remebered that he would most likely never see Sirius again.

"Oh, you are awake. Good. We have to talk."

It was James, Remus noticed as he turned his head to look at the person sitting on the armchair. Remus's eyes got wet as he stared at his friend, "God, please tell me he's okay." James sighed and nodded, "He is. He told me not to tell you where he is but I can qurantee to you that he is taken care of. He told me everything, by the way."

Remus looked down and nodded.

"I promise you he was with me the whole time. Oh and Sirius wasn't driving. I was, because I was sober. The poor man really needed a break" James sighed. Remus bit his lip and nodded, "Do you... Do you know why he was working two jobs?"

James stared at him for a moment in silence, giving him an emphatic look. "I thought you would have realized by now..." he muttered, "Well, I guess it doesn't matter now." "What? Tell me. Why? We didn't have any debts. It was going just fine. Yeah, we weren't exactly rich but still."

"Remus, he was saving for an engament ring."

Remus went quiet as a wave of even more quilt washed over him. The two sat in silence for almost a full minute, before Remus spoke up. "Is he actually alright? Like... Will he ever talk to me again..?"

"Honsetly, I don't know. He doesn't trust even me anymore. Ever sence you said what you said, he hasn't fully trusted anyone. He let's us take care of him, but I'm not blind. I know he thinks everyone wants him for his dick now. I know you were tired, but I still can't understand why you would say that? You knew how much he hates himself! You knew he trusted you more than anybody! You knew you were the only person who he has ever shown every single side of himself and told every fact to! You knew, yet you still said that to him?! Do you think he will suddenly love himself after being called a whore for taking a fucking break for once?! He would have done anything for you! Anything!" James couldn't help but raise his voice. And Remus accepted it. He knew James had taked Sirius's side.

Remus didn't say anything. He knew nothing would help him. "Gosh. He was already harsh on himself before, but now I doubt he will ever let himself have a break. He did his best to make you happy but that wasn't enough for you. He risked his own health to marry you and you didn't even notice how bad it was getting!"

"What do you mean..?" Remus whispered.

"Did you really not notice how much kaffeine he was suddenly drinking? Did you not notice the antidepressants he took? Did you not notice how much less he had been eating because of the lack of time? Did you not see how much less he was smiling? Yeah, he knew he shouldn't. I told him so many times no love was worth that much. He knew he was going to drive himself back to the mental health state he was at 12 years old. He knew, but he still did it for you. Then you showing zero respects just pushed him over the edge." James stood up, staring at crying Remus. "So I doubt he will come back. I won't let him ruin himself for a person who can't show the slightest respect for him."

Then James was gone too.

Remus saw Sirius the next time only 7 months later in a bar. Surprisingly, Sirius had agreed when Remus requested to talk with him. So they went outside, both leaning against the wall.

"I wanted to apologise again" Remus muttered. "For what?" Sirius asked and turned his head towards him. He needed Remus to say it. "I'm sorry for saying stuff I didn't mean. I'm sorry for not noticing how bad it was for you. I'm sorry I couldn't show my love right. I'm sorry for everything."

Sirius nodded. "I have one question though. Why did you do it?" Remus sighed, even though Sirius had all the rights to ask. "I was worried. I didn't know where you were and I couldn't think clearly because I was tired. I was scared something had happened. I swear I never thought you were cheating. I didn't mean for it to come out like it did. It was almost like a reflex to reply like I did."

Sirius nodded slowly, "I think I can forgive you." Remus's eyes lit up and he smiled, "I think I'm going ahead of myself but could we try again? To be a couple...?"

Sirius sighed and shook his head, "No, Remus. I put everything I had into that relationship and it still didn't work out well enough for you. What makes you think it could work out now? Besides, I would have hard time building trust anyways" he crossed his arms, "I dunno, maybe you'll end up raping me and then the rollercoster will start all over again."

Remus bit his lip, "I think it would work out because the love never died even after all this."

"Who said I still loved you that way?"

"Well, do you?"

Sirius blushed and looked away. Remus grinned and gently grabbed Sirius's chin, turning his head back towards him.

"Can I kiss you, my love?" Remus muttered. Sirius blushed deeper and nodded, "Yes please."

Needless to say, they did try out as a couple again.