Words: 1070

Description: Part 4 to The Train, The Sorting, and The First Full Moon where the Marauders finally discovered Remus's secret. Warning: panic attacks.

Story:

For the first time ever, Remus was fighting to stay in the infirmary. He asked Pomfrey to let him stay forever, but she wouldn't let him. She'd already let him stay longer than he needed to, and she knew that he had to get back to his usual routine and attend his classes.

But Remus couldn't face his friends. They knew. Remus knew they did and he'd been avoiding them. Granted, they only acknowledged to him that they knew the day before the full moon when he was getting ready to leave for classes that morning.

Sirius and James pulled him aside right before breakfast while Peter watched from a few paces back. They gave him pitying looks and wished him good luck that night and his heart dropped clear out of his chest and he was sure it was still somewhere under the floor and deep in the earth.

Remus had felt sick to his stomach and he ran from them, skipping breakfast and consequently, the rest of classes that day. He knew the Marauders enough to know that they skipped too and tried to find him, but he was smaller than they were and he knew better places to hide.

And now, four whole days after the full moon, two longer than he usually stayed, he was digging in his heels to stay in the infirmary. He'd requested that Madam Pomfrey not let the Marauders in under any circumstances and though she was confused, she agreed to the terms. Remus hadn't seen them yet, though Madam Pomfrey and informed him that they had been camped outside the door the day before.

So on the morning of the fifth day, after he'd had his breakfast and Pomfrey checked his injuries one last time, she kicked him out of the infirmary.

He walked back slowly to his dorm that Sunday morning, stalling as much as he possibly could. He was shaking like a leaf, his heart racing in his chest.

His mind was elsewhere, half panicking about what they were going to say to him, what they would do, how bad it would hurt him. The other half was busy trying to calm himself down from what he knew would soon become a panic attack if he didn't get ahold of himself.

He stopped at an open archway and sat with his head by his knees, trying to slow his breathing and regain feeling in his hands.

Once he'd calmed himself down, he sat there for longer still, only forcing himself to stand when he heard a crowd of third years coming down that hallway.

As Remus neared Gryffindor Tower, he hadn't caught a glimpse of any of the Marauders which both relieved him and worried him. That meant the chances of them all being in the dorm were much higher.

Passing through the portrait hole, he took a quick assessment of the common room and saw once again, no sign of his friends. So with a shallow, shaky breath, he climbed the stairs to the dorms.

He stood in front of the dorm room door for ten minutes, staring holes into the wood as his eyes blurred and the thoughts spiraled.

And finally, with shaking hands, he turned the knob and opened the door. The boys' hushed conversation halted as they saw the very person they were so worried about.

James and Sirius stood immediately upon seeing it was Remus and they stepped forward, to which Remus took a step back. The door was still wide open and all four of them were thinking he was going to run.

Sirius sprang forward suddenly, catching them all off guard. He grabbed Remus's wrist, pulling him forward as he shut the door, standing in front of it so Remus couldn't leave.

Remus stood in the center of the room, feeling cornered and terrified, clutching the wrist Sirius grabbed to his chest as if it had been burned.

Sirius recognized Remus's stance as that of a cornered animal and his expression softened. "Look, Remus. I'm sorry, that wasn't the best way to go about that, but I couldn't have you leaving. You've been avoiding us and...and we need to talk."

Remus did not want to talk, that much was apparent. He'd already decided in his mind that they hated him. They didn't want to be his friend anymore, they were going to turn him into the ministry—

James seemed to read his mind. "You're still our best friend, Remus. We don't mind you being a werewolf in the slightest. You're still our Remus and we love you the same."

Sirius smiled, ready for things to go back to normal, ready for Remus to stop sneaking around with his condition and hiding who he is and being sad all the time.

He was expecting Remus to start beaming, to give them all a hug and then they could continue on with their day, maybe sneak out to Hogsmeade to celebrate.

But instead, Remus sank to his knees in the middle of the dorm and broke down right there. He sobbed, heaving as they tore through his fragile and frail body. They'd never heard him cry like that before.

Sirius was the first one to Remus, reaching forward to lift Remus up a little. He fully expected Remus to pull away from him, but for once he didn't. He let Sirius hold him close while he cried, and soon let James join in as well. Peter didn't feel like he was welcome in the highly emotional group hug.

After Remus had run out of tears, he tried to push the boys away, but they held firm. Instead, he nestled further into Sirius's arms, allowing himself to bask in the comfort. "You guys should hate me. I'm a monster." (It autocorrected to lobster lmao)

James shook his head. "You're not a monster, Remus. You couldn't be farther from it. You've a heart of gold, mate."

Remus sighed shakily, wiping the tears from his eyes. "Thank you for not hating me," he said quietly.

Sirius scoffed. "You don't have to thank us, Remus. We're your friends."

Remus almost started crying again. "I love you guys," he whispered.

Sirius smiled and held Remus a little tighter. "We love you too."

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