Warning: someone requested an Mpreg and I realize that its not for some people, if so please skip this chapter. I understand, its not my favorite either, but I thought it would be interesting to try something new so without further ado, my first Mpreg! ( that sounds so weird lol). Also I've never written smut before so this is going to be really bad...

James Potter was getting married in three weeks and it was up to Sirius to put together the perfect bachelor party for his best mate.  The game plan was to take a couple of shots back at Sirius' flat before heading to a strip club. The only rule of the night was what happens in the club stays in the club. In other words: no one is allowed to repeat the happenings of that night.  

Peter, Remus, Frank, Sirius, and James all piled into a small taxi, words already slurring with intoxication. They passed a plastic water bottle filled with vodka around the cabin of the vehicle, the liquid sloshing onto their trousers when the tires went over a rough bit of cobble stone. Sirius took a swig and grimaced at the burn sliding down his throat. He grinned and fell over onto himself when the cab came to a sudden stop.  He felt Remus' bony fingers grab his collar and help him back up.

" Come on, you tosser! James and the lot are already outta the cab!"

" Thanks for waiting for me Remmy, " Sirius slurred teasingly. He used Remus, who was considerably less drunk than him, as a support when they walked. Remus rolled his eyes at his friend, wondering how he was already pissed drunk.

" You're gonna be hurtin' tomorrow, that's for sure!" Remus mused. His muscles clenched to support Sirius as he tripped over his own feet.

" Whoopsie," He muttered and giggled to himself, " Oi! Remus, leave off will you? We're supposed to have fun tonight!"

" I know, trust me I'll probably be as blasted as you by the end of tonight," Remus chuckled. He avoided the gazes of all the patrons of the club staring at the two under the changing colored lights. He heard the far off chatter and guffaws of his friends who had settled at the end of the bar. He dropped Sirius next to Peter and flagged over the bartender.

" What can I get for you sir?"

" Can I get a shot of whiskey?"

" Sure thing."

Remus made his way back over to his friends who were in the middle of making a toast.

" To the Groom!"

" To finally settling down!"

" To one more night as a bachelor!"

" To James Potter!"

They all clinked the cheap glasses together and downed the drinks in their hands. The mixture of liquids clouded their brains and made them laugh like giddy children. They whooped and hollered at the naked women dancing on the poles in front of them. Peter reached out and tucked a bank note into one of the lady's thongs, a steamy grin spreading over his mousy face. Remus swirled the drink in it's glass, uninterested in the women he didn't know grinding down on him. The way his friends drooled over these strangers, with unashamed boners out in the open, made Remus almost sick to his stomach. However, the more he drank the less it bothered him and instead he took to watching the drunkards as a form of entertainment.

When the clock stuck 1:00 AM, not that anyone had any notion of what time it was, Remus started to get bored. He was currently staring at his best friend's toned ass and the alcohol flowing through his system acted as a liquid courage and pushed him to act on his passions.

He pulled on Sirius sleeve and tugged him into a narrow hallway leading to the bathroom. Sirius' face cinched in confusion, but he allowed himself to be led without question.

" Remus what are yo-" His speech was muffled by Remus pushing his lips onto his own. He felt himself relax into Remus' grip and his hands roamed into Remus' soft curls. Remus pressed his body closer to Sirius, grinding down onto his pants. He ran his hands up his torso and tugged lightly on his hair. Sirius let out a soft moan in the back of his throat and rested his hands on Remus' waist. Remus pulled out his wand, lips still attached to Sirius'. A flash of white light enveloped the two figures and they were apparated into Remus' flat.

" What about the others?" Sirius asked, still gasping for breath.

" I don't give a fuck about them. They probably haven't even noticed we've gone" 

Remus pushed Sirius down onto the bed and pulled his sweat drenched shirt off of his chest.He immediately attached his mouth to Sirius' neck, sucking and nipping the soft skin. Sirius felt a hot tingling up his spine with every nip of Remus' sharp teeth. His trousers became increasingly tight with every passing second. 

" Remus," He gasped out, face flushed and hands trembling , " Please!"

Remus smirked and yanked Sirius' pants off leaving only skin to the open air. He made quick work of taking off his own trousers and briefs, breathing heavily. Sirius stared up at him, pupils dilated with pleading eyes. Remus rubbed Sirius nipple teasingly and he felt his breath hitch. Sirius gripped the sheets tightly, overwhelmed with sensations as he felt Remus' tip enter him. 

" Remus, please," Sirius panted out moaning with every breath that he exhaled into the cold air.

" Shhh, be patient, Sirius." He pushed in further and gripped Sirius' waist.  Bending down, he bit down gently on Sirius' ear. 

"Fuck, Remus!"

Every push and pull of brought a series of moans and expletives from Sirius. Remus grinned at the writhing figure beneath him, his wolfish instincts kicking in and making him ache with pleasure.

" I've never done this with anyone before," Sirius whispered when they had both finished. The sat sheets loosely on top of both of them. Remus held Sirius, still feeling the euphoria of their one night stand in his clouded head.  " It was nice."

"Shit! I forgot about the bachelor party!" Sirius exclaimed; he tried to get up from the bed but Remus held him down.

" They wont miss us. Let them have their fun with the strippers, and we can have fun here."

~

Sirius woke up in the morning with the worst hangover he had ever experienced in his life. His head was pounding and he felt the worst buckle of nausea come over him. Remus gave him a potion but nothing seemed to make him feel better. His brain still felt cloudy and he could hardly recall the events of the night prior, but judging by the fact he was in Remus' flat without any clothes on he had a pretty good idea. 

Remus, however, regained full conscious of the previous night's events. He was regretting everything that happened. What was he thinking? Sirius was his best friend and he didn't want a stupid drunk decision to affect that friendship. He was currently cooking some eggs and bacon for the two to eat once Sirius had stopped throwing up in the bathroom. He was praying to every deity he knew that Sirius Black did not remember the sexual endeavors from the night prior.

The atmosphere was extremely tense when Sirius entered the room, face still a sickly shade of green and stomach clutched in pain. He stumbled into the kitchenette and plopped into a chair of the table parallel to where Remus was pouring the food onto a plate.

" Mornin' Rem." Sirius mumbled. He placed his heavy head on his arms and moaned in agony. Remus had to stop himself from associating the noise to the ones he heard last night and had trouble not feeling empathetic to the distressed man in front of him. 

Sirius ate the eggs in silence and quietly whispered a small thanks to Remus for the breakfast. The sound of the fork scraping the plate was dissonant in his ear and drove him mad.

" So, Remus." They cringed at the formality, " Do you think the boys had fun without us last night."

" I suppose they did, although when I was there all the did was drool over those prostituted like dogs waiting for a juicy steak. Peter was really into it." Remus took a sip of his overly sweetened coffee. 

" Well, we were at a whore house, Moony! What else were they supposed to do?" Sirius remarked with a mouth full of bacon.

" Merlin, you are a dog," Remus downed the rest of his coffee and left Sirius in the kitchen to finish his breakfast. He  felt a need to erase every sign of the encounter all together; he ripped the sheets of the bed and dumped them in the wash along with the discarded clothing on the floor. He replaced the bottle of lube back into its rightful place in his end table and tided the rest of the room. As he bent over to pick up a sock, his eye caught the red ink circling the date on the calendar.

" Fuck! Is it already next week? No wonder I was acting so impulsively." Remus rubbed his face; a voice in the back of his head that sounded surprisingly like Sirius told him not to in order to prevent more wrinkles from forming on his tired face. Remus sighed at the triviality of such a thought. He heard the bedroom door swing open and a pair of arms wrapped around his waist.

Instead of letting himself relax into the hold like he so desperately craved, Remus placed his hands on top of the culprit's and pulled them off of his body. He turned around and took a deep breath, willing himself to make eye contact with Sirius.

" We can't do this anymore, Sirius. Last night was a one time thing; it was a mistake. I was drunk and I acted impulsively out of boredom. Please don't take it the wrong way, Pads."

Sirius took a step back, a new wave of nausea taking over him , but this time it wasn't from feeling ill. His stomach twisted in knots and his face flushed red with humility.

" Oh, of course. I knew that." he gulped and looked at his feet. " I need to get back to my flat anyway, the lads are probably wondering where I am."

" Don't tell them what we did, okay? If they ask. Just say I forgot something at my flat and you decided to go with me to get it."

" Yeah, 'course." But Sirius was already halfway out the door, pulling a coat over his shuddering frame. He was beating himself up with every step of the way.

" Stupid! Of course he didn't actually want to have a relationship with you! Idiot!" He reached a secluded alley and used his wand to aparate back to his own flat in Brighton. 

~

What Sirius had thought was a hangover wasn't going away. In fact, it had been almost a week since the bachelor party and he still felt miserable. He thought he might tough it out like he always had, but James was getting tired of his constant complaining. So James forced him out the door like a tired mum and told him to go to the doctor to figure out what the fuck was wrong with him. 

He couldn't go to St. Mungos for fear of them finding out he was an animagus, so he had no choice but to venture out to a muggle hospital.He aparated ten minutes away and proceeded to walk into the building. He felt a bubble of nerves start to simmer. He despised going to the doctor ever since he was little, although back then they had a family doctor come to the manor. The receptionist eyed him suspiciously, most likely due to the fact that he was covered in tattoos and had hooded eyes from lack of sleep. 

" Hello... Sir, how may I help you today?"

" I've been feeling poorly and I don't fuc-" Sirius stopped himself in the middle of his swear," I don't know why."

The receptionist nodded curtly and gave a stale smile, " Okay, sir. We'll get you to a doctor and you can explain your symptoms to him." 

Sirius nodded and turned around on his heel. He sat next to an old woman who was coughing mucus into her handkerchief and a little boy with snot running down his grubby face. Sirius cringed inwardly at the state of the place, he put his head down and held his breath. 

" Mr. Black? Could you come with me please?"

He stood up and followed the nurse to the room and sat down on the sterile bed. 

" So what seems to be the problem?"

" I've been feeling dizzy, I have a constant headache, and I've been throwing up constantly."

She jotted it down on her clipboard and nodded, " Okay, I'll take your heartbeat and blood pressure now."

Sirius was shaking now, he hadn't been sick in years. His anxiety filtered through every single worst case scenario possible and he desperately wished he had dragged James with him when he left the flat. 

"Well it looks like your heartbeat is quicker than normal, but nothing to be too concered about,"she  gave him a reassuring smile. 

She was switched out for the doctor and he did a few more tests. 

" Well, I don't see anything abnormal. It's not the flu or allergies," He was frantically searching for something on his clipboard.

" Have you been drinking recently?"

" No, sir. I haven't had anything to drink in over a week now."

" So it can't be a hangover," He gave his clipboard another once over, " Alright we're going to have you do an ultrasound to try and detect any internal problems."

" An ultrasound? I'm not bloody pregnant!" 

" Of course you're not, Sir, " The doctor gave an exasperated sight, " Ultrasounds can be used for many things. They're not just for unborn fetuses."

Sirius nodded and gulped down his fear, bringing about another wave of nausea. 

" Follow me please."

~

Remus sat down on the couch after coming home from his new job. This was his third job this month and he was exhausted from being fired and job searching over and over again. He felt bad that he hadn't talked to Sirius since the party. but he didn't quite know what to say to him. 

He made himself some tea and sat down again to watch the telly.  The phone in the kitchen rang loudly and interrupted his peaceful silence. He groaned and pushed his sore joints off the couch.  

" Bloody hell, who's calling me at this hour?"

He picked up the phone and placed it onto his ear, " Hello?"

" Remus! Thank Merlin you picked up!"

" Sirius? Why are you ringing me? You don't have a phone!"

" I know. I'm outside the hospital at a muggle pay phone. I need to hu-"

" Why are you at a muggle hospital? Are you okay?"

" Listen to me, Remus. I don't have that much time left on the phone."

" Ok," Remus obliged and stayed quiet.

" I went to the doctor because I've been feeling ill, and they just told me I'm bloody pregnant!"

" If this is a prank, Sirius, it's not fucking funny!"

" It's not! It's not a prank, I have no bleeding idea how I'm pregnant, but I am."

" Did you drink a weird potion or cast a spell on yourself or something?"

The phone was quiet on the other side.

" Hello? Sirius?"

" I may have taken something weird the night of the bachelor party...."

" What the hell does that mean?"

" Before you got there, the lads and I played a game of potion roulette. I have no idea what I drank that night..."

" Do you have the empty bottles?"

" I might.."

"Well find them and come back to my flat right now!"

Remus hung up the phone and sunk to the ground in defeat. He put his hands in his face and held back the urge to scream. Before he could think about it anymore, he heard the sound of someone arriving by floo in his living room.

To be continued...

A/N

I felt so weird writing that... obviously I'm not good at writing smut and I think it effected the rest of the one shot. It wasn't my best work at all, but if you like it I will make a second part. Anyway, I'm writing this instead of doing the two book reports that are due in 9 days... yay procrastination! I'm too lazy to edit this so feel free to point out any continuity errors if you'd like.