In which Sirius is willing to throw himself into harm's way just to save Remus. I most likely wrote most of this at like 2:30 a.m. So I hope it makes sense and doesn't suck. The perspective may be a little wonky and all over the place. Pretty angsty, so enjoy!

warnings: self sacrifice, near death experience, mentions of death, mentions of a loved one's death, panic, crying/a breakdown, war, outcomes of war, mentions of torture, loss, overall angst

If there was one thing Remus picked up over the years working with Sirius for the Order was that he was the most selfless person he knew. There had been several occasions where he would throw himself into harm's way just for Remus to be safe.

Remus charged after the masked Death Eater, sounds of his panting being covered by the sound of large raindrops hitting the pavement. Over and over, he shot multiple spells in their direction just for them to be able to dodge it a second before it hits its target. He lost Sirius within the chaos of the fight breaking out, and was forced to leave him behind in order to persue the stray Death Eater. The choice was followed by instant regret, and hope that Sirius would be able to deal with two Death Eaters on his own.

The rain was making it harder to see where the Death Eater was, and he was getting more exhausted by the second. However, the Death Eater seemed persistent and would not pause for even a second. It was as if they knew exactly where they were going, not pausing or hesistating at any turn. It didn't shock Remus that the Death Eater knew every twist and turn of Knockturn Alley. Remus shot another spell in the Death Eater's general direction to finally hear a yell and the sound of their body hitting the concrete below them. He took this as an opportunity to finally catch his breath, heaving in one spot. When his breath finally caught up with him, Remus made his way over to the Death Eater on the floor.

He began to brainstorm what to do with this Death Eater next. There's never been a situation where the Order has a Death Eater in their possession to interrogate, rather they would just attack the Death Eater on sight or they would disapparate. Remus sticks his wand into his front pocket, picks up the upper half of the Death Eater's body and begins to drag them back towards the spot he was with Sirius last. Remus turned to look behind him to guide himself until there was a sudden movement from the Death Eater's body.

They jerked upwards out of Remus's grasp, and quickly drew their wand which was now directly pointed at Remus's chest. His hand swiftly went to grab for the wand in his pocket when it was quickly snatched out of his pocket by the Death Eater who now pointed two wands at his chest.

Options began to run through Remus's mind. He considered running away, but there was always a chance that the Death Eater would easily be able to catch up because of their speed. He could call out for help, hoping that Sirius would be able to hear him, except this may distract Sirius from fighting the other Death Eaters, putting him in danger. His train of thought is distracted when movement is heard in the different in several areas. Remus's attention is no longer on the Death Eater threatening him, but on the distant sounds of footsteps, several pairs of feet.

Remus can just barely make out the dark figures slowly creeping out of the dark shadows. One...two... three... he's surrounded by five more Death Eaters, all of their wands ready to strike him any moment now. They slowly inch closer, and Remus is getting anxious. He has no way of knowing what they'll do next, and he doesn't have the slightest idea of what he should do himself. His mind runs blank. For the first time in his life, Remus is frozen.

He worries about Sirius when he finally snaps out of his frozen trance. Is he safe? Where is he? Remus can hear his heart racing at the thought of Sirius being hurt. He begins to slowly back up as the Death Eaters crawl towards him, silent yet threatening. The fear of it all causes him to lose his footing, and he tumbles down to the floor, more helpless than ever. Remus could tell the Death Eaters were finally ready to attack him all at once, as if they all had a mutual understanding of the situation.

     This is it, Remus thinks. He thinks of how he won't be able to meet baby Harry in person. He thinks of how he'll never be able to fight against Death Eaters to defend everyone's freedom and safety. He thinks of how he won't be able to invest himself into another book again, entering a new world. He thinks about how he'll never see his closest friends again. He thinks of how he will never be able to see Sirius's smile as his eyes crinkle. Closing his eyes, Remus braced himself for whatever came next when he heard a familiar voice yelling in the distance along with the sound of footsteps getting louder. Sirius.

     Remus's eyes shoot open, and his heart raced even faster than before. He watches as Sirius launches his body in front of him as the spells go off. Sirius's body flinches and rocks as each spell hits him square in the chest, and he collapses, landing into Remus's arms.

     His heart drops as his blood runs cold. He tries to process what just happened until he realizes there's no time for that. The Death Eaters were not phased by Sirius, and keep their wands pointed at Remus. He doesn't dare look down at Sirius, afraid of what he may see. His mind feels clearer this time around with his priority now as Sirius's safety. That was all that mattered. Grabbing onto Sirius tightly, he apparates to Grimmauld Place before the Death Eaters can hurt him even more.

The house was completely empty as there were no meetings today. The loud snap of the apparation awakens the painting of Walburga Black, immediately sending her into a rant about blood status. Remus wraps his arms under Sirius's shoulders, and drags him to the closest couch. He steadily yet quickly lifts Sirius on to the hard couch, most certainly for decoration and not for comfort.

Remus gazes at Sirius's face to see his eyes shut peacefully. His blood runs cold again at the thought of what had just happened. Sirius had risked his life for his own, something he felt was going to happen eventually, yet he still wasn't prepared for it.

Remus wasn't sure what he would do without Sirius. He's the reason Remus gets up early so he can have a cozy breakfast with him as the sun rises. He's the reason Remus researches about Sirius's interests just to impress him. He's the reason Remus sheepishly asked James how to flirt. He's the reason Remus wears the sweater Sirius loves on him so much. He's the reason Remus spends most of his time smiling and laughing. He's the reason why Remus doesn't feel so bad about himself. He's the reason his heart races whenever he has a conversation with him. He's the reason Remus feels safe and loved. He's the reason why Remus is in love.

The tears begin to pour before Remus even realize he's crying. He couldn't bare to lose Sirius, but this war was going to take him away from him. Sirius meant more to him than anything there ever was, and the realization of the chance he might actually lose Sirius for good scared him more than Voldemort himself.

Through his tears, Remus remembers he wasn't even sure if Sirius was still breathing. Eyes widening, he frantically reaches for Sirius's wrist, placing two fingers on it to feel the slow and steady thump of a pulse. Relief fills his body, and he becomes a bit less tense, but the tears still don't stop. He doesn't even know when or if he'll wake up. The lack of panic causes him to go back to thinking about worst case scenarios.

Sadness consumes him, and he rests his head on Sirius, using his arms for support. His whole body shakes as he sobs, and he becomes louder each second. His brain is too occupied to feel Sirius move around under his head.

"Remus?" Sirius begins to sit up, and Remus's head quickly shoots up to stare at him, face red and wet. Sirius reaches his arm out to softly cup Remus's cheek, wiping away a few tears. "What's wrong, darling?" His voice is weak.

"Sirius," Remus chokes out. He grips on tightly to Sirius's shirt as tears begin to pour again. Sirius's other hand reaches out to wipe them away. He can't find the right words to say, he's just relieved Sirius is up.

"Hey," Sirius rubs his thumb up and down Remus's cheek. "It's okay, it's okay. Everything's okay, love, I'm here." Remus reached his arms out and cupped Sirius's face, getting closer to him.

"You can't do that, Sirius. You can't... I was so worried." Remus sniffed.

     "I know," Sirius agrees, "I just wanted you to be safe, I didn't know what else to do."

Remus looked down, heart aching. He quickly looked back up at Sirius. "What if I lost you, Sirius? What then?"

Sirius gave him a sad smile. "You won't lose me, Remus. It's going to take more than that to get rid of me." Both himself and Remus knew this was a lie. There was no way of knowing what the future could hold for their lives, especially with a war going on. They had no way of knowing what would happen next. But, Remus appreciated Sirius's optimism and attempt to cheer him up.

     "Okay," Was all Remus replied with. He wasn't sure how much longer he had with Sirius, but he decided he wasn't going to let fear and sadness ruin it. Remus leaned in and held onto Sirius tightly, never wanting to let go of the man he loved so much. Sirius hugged him right back.

     "This is a nice moment, Remus, and I don't want to ruin it, but why was I spared? Death Eaters are known for their merciless fighting. How am I still alive?" Sirius finally spoke up. Remus took a moment to consider this.

     "Merlin. Probably to interrogate you." Remus buried his face into the crook of Sirius's neck, holding onto him tighter to distract himself from the image of Sirius being tortured for information. Information the Death Eaters would never get, because Sirius Black would never betray those he cares about most.

     "That's kind of rude. That was our idea first," Sirius jokes, and Remus can't help but let out a small chuckle. He can tell Sirius has the biggest smile on his face. His Sirius is back.

     "You're so strong, Sirius."

     "Thanks Moony, but I'm not sure how I recovered from five spells hitting me at once."

     "That's not what I mean," Remus pulls back from the embrace. "You're one of the strongest people I know." Remus paused. "You know I love you, right?"

      "Of course. I love you, too."

     "Please be careful."

     "Okay. For you."

     Remus recollected on everything he had just lost. He failed the mission, most likely lost Dumbledore's trust and respect, lost a part of himself to despair, and he lost his wand. But one thing was for sure: he wasn't going to lose Sirius. And with that, he pulled Sirius into a kiss.

Yup, there's the angst. I'm going to be honest, I kinda hate this chapter! Honestly, i just kinda wanted to update. I didn't know how to end it, so I kinda just left it at an awkward ending? I'll probably write more chapters where they go on missions for the Order of the Phoenix. Maybe even a miniseries? I'm going to try updating more. I'm one of those people who starts like ten drafts and then writes a lot for then right before stopping, and then doesn't touch it for a whole. So. I'm gonna try to stop that! Anyways I apologize for the lousy chapter, hopefully better is to come. Fluff and angst! Thank you for reading.