Doubt and the Pursuit of Happiness

A heavy look etched his face.

Riding toward them, his gaze remained fixed on her alone.

Leif encountered him first. "Ragnar?"

She moved her horse between them.

"Let me speak to him," she said, nodding to Leif. He did as she asked, stepping back toward Thora and her mother, keeping a safe distance.

Ragnar dismounted in a hurry. "Were you planning to leave without saying goodbye?"

She jumped down as well, keeping a safe distance.

"You aren't going anywhere." He strode toward her and clutched her arms.

She wrenched herself free and shot him a glare. "Stay away. I saw and heard everything between you and Sigurd."

His eyes flickered. "It was an accident."

"Relax, I will not tell. I'm glad he's dead."

"I can't let you go."

"Yes, you can. And you will."

He stomped his foot on the ground. "Why?"

"Because if you don't, I'll tell Leif and everyone what I heard."

"Where are you going?" He said, his grip on her loosening.

"To the convent. Thora is pregnant after what Sigurd did to her. That's on you too."

"If I had known he was mad, I never would have told him."

"Well, you did. And if there is to be any hope that I forgive you, you must let me go."

"For how long?"

"I don't know. Give me the time I need."

He pulled her close and said into her ear, "I have papers that say you are mine."

He pulled his face back and kissed her. She struggled against him, but he held her tight before releasing her, breathing heavily, inhaling her scent.

"What is this?" He grabbed the necklace hanging around her neck.

"Nothing," she said while yanking herself away.

But he didn't let go. Instead, he took a step closer, and this time, he grabbed the sleeves of her dress and pulled them up.

"And this?" His voice was low, his gaze fixed on the wound along her arm.

Sigrid tore her arm free.

"Nothing. I cut myself on a rock while bathing."

He freed her, his eyes scanning her as if looking for something beyond belief. At last, he stepped back. "Don't stay too long."

She didn't answer but swung herself onto the horse.

"I'll stay as long as Thora needs me," she said while wiping her mouth.

He held onto the reins and locked eyes with her before letting go. "Not too long."

She rode off and glanced at Leif. "Let's go."

"Are you okay?" He asked, his brow furrowed as he reached out toward her.

She nodded and carried forward but took one last glance back-Ragnar was still watching her.

●●●

They had received a warm welcome at the convent, and Thora seemed to settle. Sigrid did everything she could to support her.

They found happiness in being useful and took comfort in the religious rituals and the island's serene beauty.

"How are you feeling?" Sigrid helped Thora out of bed.

"I'm nauseous."

"I've been thinking, Thora. Should we go back to Bjørn's brother?"

"Ivar wouldn't want me now," Thora said, her eyes darkening.

"Ivar appeared to be a good man."

"No. I won't. That's lost now. I won't be a burden to anyone, least of all, Ivar."

She walked over to the large window overlooking the sea and stood with her back to Sigrid. "I've made peace with the fact that I will raise this child alone."

"So you will keep the child?"

"Of course, it's my responsibility now."

"What about you? Will you go back to Ragnar?"

"To kiss the lips of Ragnar, who killed the man I loved, and a man who was like a father to me... that would be unbearable."

"I don't know."

"But you're not alone," Sigrid said, walking over to the window and taking her hand. "I will help you."

"I don't know what I would do without you," Thora said, tears welling in the corners of her eyes.

Sigrid wrapped her arms around her, and together they stood there, clinging to each other. "I don't know what I would have done without you either."

After a moment, Thora broke the silence, her voice a little lighter.

"I overheard that they're holding a Midsummer celebration here on the island."

She pulled back, meeting Sigrid's gaze.

"Come with me! I want to experience it one last time-before it shows." She let out a small, awkward laugh, both embarrassed and wistful.

"So you think that once the child comes, life is over?"

Thora shook her head, smiling a little. "No. I just think it starts over. If you understand." Thora tilted her head. "Will you come?"

Sigrid shook her head in exasperation before letting out a tired laugh. "Alright, if it will make you happy."

With a grin, Thora hugged her one last time before she left. "Thank you."

●●●

The vast meadow by the sea was alive with movement. Laughter and music filled the warm evening air, and the flames from the bonfire cast flickering shadows over the surrounding faces.

Sigrid let her gaze sweep across the crowd until she found Thora. She stood deep in discussion with a man, her head tilted, with a small smile at the corner of her lips.

Sigrid lingered at the edge of the gathering, staying in the shadows. It could have been her imagination, but she felt uneasy. It was as if glances brushed over her, lingering. Men and women, eyes assessing her, weighing her.

She wanted to tell Thora they should leave. Whisper it to her, take her arm, and get away from here.

But she didn't. Not when Thora laughed like that. Not when her shoulders were light. She deserved this.

Sigrid pushed the unease aside and glanced at the intoxicated crowd. Had she lost her mind?

The weight of their stares burned against her skin. Were they looking at her? Laughing at her?

She didn't know these people. At least, that was her belief.

But what if Ragnar had already started spreading rumors?

Her thoughts tumbled through her mind, but they came to an abrupt halt when her gaze caught something familiar.

Gudrun's striking, coarse hair.

And beside her stood Gerd, Ragnar's former fiancée.

Sigrid didn't hesitate. She walked straight toward them.

"So, this is where you stand, spreading lies about me?"

Gerd lifted her chin, her gaze ice-cold. "Not lies, just the truth."

Sigrid turned to Gudrun, who couldn't meet her eyes. Her gaze darted away, uncomfortable.

She wanted to tell them off, scream until her voice broke-at them, at herself-but her hands stayed clenched at her sides.

Ragnar had been Gerd's. And yet, she had lain with him. The memory coiled in her gut like something sour.

When Gerd's eyes found hers, she faltered. Her shoulders sagged. She looked up again, like a scolded pup, unsure whether to flee or stay. "I'm sorry," she said, voice low as she turned. "I hate him too, if that means anything to you."

She met Gerd's stare-briefly-then turned and walked away.

The air felt thick, suffocating. The stares didn't lessen; if anything, they felt sharper.

She took a deep breath and let her gaze return to Thora.

The light in her eyes, the relaxed smile...

Sigrid couldn't ruin that.

She just needed to get away. A moment to herself.

She pushed through the crowd, weaving between arms and bodies, forcing her way forward.

Then, in an instant, she was yanked backward.

The hook of her dress had caught on something. Someone.

Before she could turn, something held her in place.

A low chuckle sounded behind her. Familiar.

"You and I... I think we're stuck together forever now."

The tone was teasing, but there was a weight behind the words.

Sigrid met Erlend Arneson's gaze.

She straightened, unsteady on her feet, surprised to see him there.

"Erlend," she murmured, questioning his reality.

"Sigrid, why do we always meet like this?" He said with a grin. "Were you going to leave when I arrived?"

"I... no, I..."

"Don't let me interrupt."

Sigrid swallowed, aware of how many eyes were on them now. "I was going for a walk down there."

He smiled. "You want company?"

She opened her mouth, but no words came, only a nod.

The golden light stretched across the horizon, reflecting in the calm water. She took her shoes off, feeling the sand beneath her feet.

"So, tell me-how did your noble search for love work out?"

Sigrid stared ahead, her eyes tracing the edge of the horizon. "Terrible, the man I was supposed to marry died in the war."

"I'm sorry, Sigrid."

"And you? Have you found someone?"

He held her gaze. "No."

His eyes burned with something unreadable, and warmth crept into her cheeks.

Then she lowered her voice. "Do you believe in rumors?"

"I never have. I prefer to draw my own conclusions."

A small, unconscious smile played on her lips as her eyes dropped. "I like that in a man."

"I'll be honest-I've often wished I'd fought harder for just a little more time with you. I never could forget you."

"I never forgot you either, Erlend, and I regret never giving you a real chance."

"Smiling, he remarked, "Everything happens in its own time."

"Come," he said, taking her hand, his eyes full of light as he almost leaned his body in excitement against hers. "Let me introduce you to some friends."

She hesitated for a moment, unsure, then let her fingers settle into his.

"I'm coming."

Turning, she released his hand, remaining where she stood. Just for a moment. Still. Alone.

Her hands rested against her stomach, her gaze lingering on the fading strip of light in the sky.

Then, she said to herself, "Maybe we have a future after all."

To be continued...