Planet: Eteran

First Insurgency War

JAMES

I hate to admit it, but I'm glad Ava convinced me to come to the campout.

It was a much needed break after the action of the varsity game, where the thrill filled their team's minds, though pain poked his own. His heart pounded with each passing second to reach the end and win the game. He held his pole full of marshmallows, surrounded by friends.

At least my brain wasn't completely rattled.

"Is it my turn yet?" Yvonne said around the campfire in the middle of the path which tore through the Camp Shennan cabin. Everyone else departed for bed, but they chose to stay up and get through a game of truth and dare and ghost stories.

As if she needs to ask. For someone who wants a sense of adventure in space, she certainly has none when it comes to something silly like truth or dare. Yvonne also has some... wacky dares up her sleeve.

"Truth."

Yvonne pouted, but rolled with the hurdle. "You want to be a space explorer, right? Have you thought of a name?"

"Of course!" Ava puffed out her chest in pride. "I'm calling it the Northern Wolves!"

"Glad to see mine and Katie's gift matches the theme you're going for." Yvonne nodded at the necklace around Ava's neck. James raised his hand to his matched piece, considering it and the options he had left ahead of him. Everyone eyed Yvonne, who threw her arms up in the air. "Oh, what is it? What is with the disappointed puppy eyes? Ava never picks dare unless she trusts you with her life. I should've picked Rayan."

Rayan tipped his head. "What... would you have had me do if I agreed?"

"Hmm, I don't know, I'm not feeling too devious tonight. Maybe let me paint your nails or something."

"Can I choose the colour at least?"

"Of course, I'm not cruel."

"I'll go." Ava laughed. "Meryn, truth or dare?"

"Hm. Dare, why not?"

Ava pointed at the low-hanging tree. "Climb it and don't come back down until it's your turn."

Meryn investigated her chosen dare tree. "How high?"

"As much as you're comfortable, Meryn, it's just too bad Ollie didn't come to this camp out," she said, and Meryn nodded.

James snorted when Meryn stretched at the base of the tree, but surprise hushed through his bones when Meryn hauled himself into the branches with a confident sense of strength and gave them a sly smile when he settled himself on the branch. "Wow! Is this what Ollie feels whenever he sits on top of the rock climbing wall? I'm so above everyone!"

"Ugh." Yvonne stuck out her tongue. "I'll punish you for that pun."

James shook his head at the two while Meryn swung his legs. He poked Rayan. "It's your turn."

Rayan turned to Jon, who sat in the chair by the fireplace near the bench Rayan and James shared. "Truth or dare, Jon?"

"Dare, obviously."

Rayan pointed at the toasty marshmallow on his pole. "Burn, then eat."

A small, offended gasp escaped Jon's lips. "Wh—" He placed his hand on his heart. "What a waste of a perfectly good marshmallow. They're disgusting when burnt. Too crunchy. Alas, I agreed to do a dare." He gave a melodramatic sigh. "I always do what I said."

James chuckled while Jon shoved his cooking stick into the flames. His marshmallow burnt to a crisp among the beautiful embers floating into the night to join the stars. He tugged it off the stick after blowing it out and shoved it into his mouth with the speed of a cat. Tears welled up into his eyes as he chewed.

"Burnt marshmallows aren't that bad," James mumbled.

"It's just..." Jon sniffed. "So sad."

Ava and Yvonne snorted from their seats when Jon swallowed and stuck out his tongue. Rayan giggled, where the sound reverberated through his chest, but he stifled it further into his stomach to burn it with acid.

"Cheers," Jon said in a solemn tone, and raised his empty stick over the flames. "To the fallen and those burned by the fires of life."

"Jon, it's a marshmallow." James chuckled.

"Oh, you've been listening to the latest album from the Aetherium Werewolves!" Ava gasped in happiness and leaned forward. "I wasn't sure about what to think at first about the change in tone in their music, but..." She shrugged at them. "I like the album's theme. 'To the fallen, those burned by life, to the wolves who never found their way back home'."

"From how much you've played it on repeat in your room it's stuck in my head too," James complained before settling the logs between the flames while it curdled the bark.

Jon grabbed another marshmallow from the bag. "By the way, Ray. I'm going to get you back for that."

"I'm trembling in my shoes."

"You better be." Jon smiled. "Truth, or dare?"

Rayan leaned back against the bench, leg folded over the other. "Dare. I want to see this grand payback."

"Excellent." Jon sat straighter. "As punishment for your munity during the game without letting me, the captain of the Starcross team, know what you two were up to." He leaned forward, and James' stomach dropped to the black hole when he brushed his lips. "I want you two to kiss."

James choked on a sputtered ember which fluttered in his throat. He sucked in the smoke of burning wood. Anything to rearrange the dare Jon suggested. Yvonne gave a small gasp while Ava snickered.

He's not going to agree to it...

"I just want to make sure it's fine with all parties involved." Jon bowed to Ava. "And girlfriend of one of the parties."

"I don't mind," Ava said with a shrug. "Rayan agreed to a dare, better make sure it's James that's okay with that."

"Oh..." Meryn drawled from his tree. "Ava has no mercy tonight."

What does it matter... Rayan's not going to agree to it?

James gazed into Rayan's ember flecked eyes, and he turned to Jon. "How long?"

Embers exploded into flames in his heart and hoped the inferno on his face hid in the orange light. He agreed to it?

"I want to see some team spirit," Jon cooed while Rayan stood up.

James followed him, but whether to throw his hands into Jon's face to stop the crumbling foundation of his avoidance, he clenched his fists instead. "That's not what team spirit means, Jon."

Jon grinned at him. "Hey, you two wanted to have your little thing on the pitch without telling me. I felt left out!" He put his hand on his heart. "Just some team spirit?"

Meryn gasped. "Quick! Someone grab James' datacam and take a picture!"

Infernos raged on his cheek and burned to his ears. "Touch my datacam and die, Matthey."

Everyone waited for when he ruined everything.

James scowled past Rayan, who frowned at him. "... fine. I'll do it."

I'll do it just to get it over with. I'll do it just to know what it's like. I'll do it so I can finally let go.

"James, if you don't want to do this..." Rayan whispered.

James faced the molten golden eyes reflected by the fiery magma. I could say no, but then I'd never know. I could back away from this... Jon wouldn't make anyone do anything they're uncomfortable with... none of them realise... He sucked in his lips while Rayan waited.

His inner inferno fell into a shrinking star, unable to contain the energy.

Besides... what does it matter?

I could refuse because this is stupid.

James glared at Jon, whose smile faltered. Rayan tipped his head in apparent confusion, and he shuddered when Rayan went to turn away.

But how would I ever know?

James came closer, which caused Rayan to face him once more in the shadows of the flying embers. His heartbeat thrummed in his ears, and he took the only chance given to him. His lips met Rayan's. Three seconds into infinite millenia. Warmth traced around his cheeks through his shoulders when Rayan set his hands on them with a soft squeeze. He held the position against his screaming, painful heart while his body attempted to jolt him from a reality he never wanted to wake from. He waited for the ultimate break apart, but he fought to let go of the edge when Rayan refused to.

Oh no...

He wanted to stay.

This is going to be longer than it needs to be.

I need to let go.

He couldn't let go of the frozen moment.

I hate it.

His insides warmed with the extended clashing as he tried not to sob and reveal his stupid act.

I should've just been the fool.

He dug his fingers into Rayan's sleeves.

At least I wouldn't be hurting anyone else.

It took all his strength to break them apart, with only the taste of his lost chance left to him and his pierced heart as he wandered out of Rayan's reach, and he gazed upon the reactions of his foolish performance. Jon leaned back in his chair, no longer smiling while his eyes widened. Yvonne blinked a couple times, while Ava gazed at him with a searching expression of incoming realisation.

In a frozen moment, everyone knew.

He licked his lips for that fleeting taste while Rayan stared at him in shaken disbelief.

"Good enough, Jon?" James said while he searched through his bag, while Meryn remained in his tree with wide-eyed moons. He crept out of their circle of friends with his datacam against his pounding chest. He studied Ava as she turned her thoughtful gaze to the flames, but returned her attention to him with a smile on her face.

Smile, even though it's hard... You're not even angry. He longed to cry out all of his feelings and spew them like emotional vomit onto dirt, but he held himself tall and frowned deeper in response. He sucked in his lips to hide his shame, then nodded at his friends. "I'm... I'm going to go take some pictures and then come back for ghost stories — and they better be good, Yvonne." He forced out a strangled laugh and rushed out of the circle of warmth.

"But... we're not done with the game," Yvonne mumbled without taking her sharp eyes off him. "We were going to do the ghost stories right after."

"Yeah, well, I never really was the truth or dare person," he pointed out and twisted to them, where Rayan stood at the edge with fluttered confusion, with Ava turning to him, where the smile never left. "Give me time to think of my own spooky stories, just in case."

Yvonne faced the fire with a small shake of her head.

His performance fooled no one.

Jon eyed Rayan and Ava with an unsettled frown, where for once, the Starcross captain said nothing to the stage he set. James breathed deep of the wood-burning fumes with a small nod. "Alright, I'll see you guys when I'm done." He raised his hand against the painful weight, then rushed into darkness. Deep in the campground's underbrush, he stumbled to the star-flecked trees and fell to his knees by the moon-speckled water lapping at the bank. He tugged out his datacam, where his burning reflection met him in despair. He pressed his brow against it, and released a groan while the stars danced.

"You'll always love your pictures," Ava's voice said behind him.

James steadied the dam and swallowed it all. "You know me, Ava. I need to hold onto the world somehow, or I'd be cast adrift in space."

Silence swelled between them, and he held his breath when Ava's footsteps came closer, until her shadow loomed over him. It crawled around him until Ava knelt down beside him.

James tucked to hide his shame.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

Fear sprinkled through him. "Whatever for?"

Can't I have fooled someone?

Ava sat down beside him and continued to smile, then shook her head after a minute of silence. "I want to apologise for what I said about you and Dad."

James lowered his head. "I don't blame you," he mumbled and hugged the datacam Rayan gave him. "You had a point. I wanted to be out of your shadow for once. We're always seen as attached to the hip." His lips tangled from the flames, while he danced to the apology his sister provided. "I mean... it doesn't really bother me. You're my twin sister." He nodded at her, trying to hide his tears. "I adore you and how hard you try. You take your chances, that's for sure. It's just..." He sucked in his lips while Ava came closer. "I feel like sometimes..." He sniffed while tears fell down his cheeks. "Like I'm the reason Dad's so hard on you — any expectations he had of me were doomed to fail so he put it all on you. As if he knows you're going to try to carry all of it without any help." He tried not to cry further while he placed the datacam on the ground, among the grass. "I think he hates that. You're so willing to help people, Ava, who he thinks need to help themselves for a change."

He brushed his lips, one of truth, but played the fool while Ava gazed at him. "All he ever does is complain and set expectations no one can meet," he said. "I thought maybe if I did something he'd stop. I want him to see you as someone already to be proud of. I'm the disappointment, not you." He stared at her and rasped, "I just wanted you to be happy."

Ava's smile died into a frown. "You're my brother, James," she said. "I'm happy when the people I love are happy."

James shook his head. "You take it to the extreme. You make yourself unhappy so others can be."

Ava smiled again. "... are you sure that's me with that problem, James?"

James swayed on his burning stomach as Ava set her hand on his back. "You've always been there for me, James. I don't think you're a disappointment. You can be happy too. You've always made me happy." Her pony-tail followed her head when she tripped it. "Can't that be enough? What if I'm happy making others happy? That's the whole reason I'm making the Northern Wolves."

Can't I be enough?

James breathed deep of the night sky, and found no strength to smile while he tried to hide his tears when footsteps broke through the bushes.

Rayan stood at the cusp of moonlight. "Are you two okay?"

James got off his knees with Ava, who gazed at Rayan. He reached forward to dig his fingers into her sleeve, to prevent her from giving up the chance. Ava returned his silent communication with a curious twist to her brow.

Not for me. Not for anybody.

"We're fine," James forced out before Ava took one leap. "I'm going to hit the hay early. I'm kind of tired."

He moved for Rayan, who stared at him before stepping in his way. He shook his head. "Don't," he forced out, and pushed past his lost moment.

"James—" He heard Rayan sigh in defeat as he threw himself back into the bushes, to get away from the frozen moment he missed.

You deserve to be happy. All you do is put people before yourself, Ava.

He walked away.