Planet: Eteran

First Insurgency War

JAMES

"You were up late again."

James jolted out of his staredown with his reflection in the camera lens. Ava leaned closer to him with a worried frown, but he scooted out of her space. "I was?" he asked and chewed on his sandwich, while on his other side Jon lost himself in focus for the upcoming Starcross games, full of counter tactics and their own game plans.

Ava's finger poked his shoulder. "What have you been staying up late for?"

James swallowed his lunch. One of a lie and another of a truth. "Nothing much. Studying for our finals." He sneered at her. "Which I noticed you haven't been doing, Miss. Perfect." He forced a smile on her face to divert Ava's attention, but her expression never changed. Am I getting worse at fooling you?

"You should tell her the truth, James," Rayan said on his other side, and when James turned, golden steel pierced through his heart while edevic dynamite lit up his eyes.

James scowled. "What?"

"I said I wouldn't tell her because you have to say it," Rayan growled, "But hiding it, pretending it's not there won't make it go away. It won't make it disappear." He clenched his fists and choked the grass. "Tell her the truth so she doesn't get her hopes up."

James winced with everyone's eyes on him, including Jon, an I-Pen stuck between his teeth. Meryn, on the other hand, ignored them to search through his bag. He straightened himself out and glared in return at Rayan. "It isn't a big deal, Rayan, so don't make it one," he muttered, wanting nothing more than to push the subject of pain out of his heart and mind. "I'm not trying to make it disappear, I said I'd tell her when I'm ready."

"It is a big deal!" Rayan leaped to his feet. "Your sister has the right to know of all people!"

Ava joined him. "Ray, hold on. If James isn't ready to tell me, that's fine."

James glared up at Rayan where his shadow loomed over him. "What is the point of lying to her?"

"I'm not lying—"

"Lies of omission are still lies."

James lunged at Rayan to shove him out of the way. "My sister is a big girl," he snapped. "I don't have to tell her everything, Rayan. It was my choice to make, and mine alone. It doesn't affect her, it affects me. I know it's too much for you to accept, but better get used to it, city boy, not everyone is going to listen to you."

Rayan's nostrils flared and he took a step closer, but Ava got between them. "James," she said, softer. "I've asked you before, and I believed you when it said it was nothing important." James frowned when she turned to Rayan, whose expression shifted into distress. "It's fine, just don't fight. It's not worth it."

Jon wrote on his datapad. "So, are you two done being an old married couple?" he questioned. "First, I have you two bickering on the field. Now, you two argue while I'm enjoying my lunch." He beat his fist against his chest before continuing. "James, that shot was straight, how did you miss it?" he mocked in a Rayan-esque tone, though it fit better with their Odaport accent. His face fell into a scowl, and James echoed it at what came next. "Gee, I don't know, Rayan. Just because you make the shot doesn't mean I'll get it right every damn time." James bit on his tongue when Jon shrugged. "What?"

Rayan sank back to the ground with a quiet groan, and James dug his fingers into his palm when Ava rubbed his shoulder.

Jon coughed. "You're doing it wrong, by the way. Ava, it's supposed to be you and Rayan acting like that — not your boyfriend and your brother."

James lunged for his schoolbag, fumbling on the straps as he packed everything inside. "I'm going back to the pitch — clearly I need to hit the ball better." His heart lodged in his throat and stomped out of the circle of his friends. Pissing me off... Why did I even tell him? I shouldn't have. I should've just kept my dumb mouth shut. I hate it.

He rushed across the pitch to the gyms, throwing himself into the Starcross locker room to find his own. He tossed his bag inside, where it thumped against the wall and he slammed the locker door behind it. He fumbled around to slide against the metal, careful with his camera bag at his side as he fell to the floor with a groan. Arms across his knees, he rested his head in the bend and curled to listen to the sweet silence. He brushed overflowing soreness out of his eyes with his sleeve, where the weight of his choice remained at home.

She'll have her explorer group... and I'll just...

James snapped his head up at an opening door to the locker room. Rayan stood at the threshold. "Jon is on his way here so we can talk about the games," he said as he came closer, and James hid himself back in his knees and arms. "James—"

"I don't know if it's obvious, but I want to be left alone."

Rayan ignored him by the sound of his insistent footsteps closing in. "I want to apologize," his voice sounded to his right, and James followed it. "I shouldn't be taking my frustration out on you. I've just... I've been dealing with a lot of stuff like my dad being slotted to become the next Sanctum Senator next quadrum." Rayan slipped into a seating position beside him. "Mom is going to have to go back to Kestra at some point as well."

James huffed. "Are you telling me this because you're going to have to go back too?"

"No, I'll be finishing my last quad of school here," Rayan said, and gazed at him. "James, I need to tell you this... because Ava knows already, but I overheard your dad and my mom talking. When she leaves... he's going with her.

"Of course he is. I expect nothing more of him, he's so predictable." James rested his head against his arms and knees again. "He can't even bother to stay to watch us graduate."

"About that." Rayan scooted closer. "James... I really think you should reconsider going into the Strike Forces."

Here we go. James lifted himself off the ground and put his camera bag into his locker, and moved away from Rayan, who never gave in. "It's none of your business."

"You're the one that told me, so I guess it is my business," Rayan argued. "James, stop running away from me. I want to talk this out with you, I don't think this is something you want to do — I think you feel trapped, it's just a matter of why you feel that way." He came closer, but James kept a set of benches separating them. "I know this isn't what you want?"

"Oh, you know, do you?" James demanded. "Why does everyone think they know everything about me?" He threw his hand in the air between them. "Tell me, Ray, everything about me."

Rayan came to a stop. "I just meant—"

"No, you know what you meant," James snapped. "You don't know everything about me, so stop pretending like you do." He folded his arms. "Just go be with Ava — at least you two seem to know everything about each other and will gladly act like it."

Rayan stomped forward. "What is your problem? Fine, push me away, whatever, but Ava's your sister, why are you pushing her away? You know she's worried sick about you?"

"I don't see why she is, she's got her own things to deal with." James fought for the distance. "And I have mine, and you have yours. Let's leave it at that."

"I want to figure out what's going on with you," Rayan pleaded with fiery rage. "You run away from everyone. You avoid conversations we need to have. I don't know what's making you feel that avoiding people who love and care about you is the only choice you have. You have so many choices," Rayan rasped. "You don't have to go into the Strike Forces. Whatever is going on, you can talk to us. To me." James tugged himself out of Rayan's reach when he came closer. "James, I just want you to talk to me."

"I've got nothing to say." His throat tightened. "Not on this, so leave it. I don't want to have this argument with you."

"I just don't want you to run into this without knowing what it's going to do to you," Rayan insisted.

"I know what it might do to me."

"And you're fine with that?" Rayan's voice went cold. "You're fine with it? You're fine with possibly losing everything that made you happy? You've seen the people who walk into that mansion — the dead look in their eyes. You've seen how your dad acts to certain things... have you ever wondered why he might be like that?"

"No, because he's always been like that."

Rayan shook his head. "I don't think that's true."

"Why do you care? You think he hates you."

Rayan winced, and went quiet. James sniffed, argument won as he went to escape the locker room and back onto the pitch.

"I care about you, and I don't want you to make a rash decision because you feel trapped."

James clung onto the handle and tried to stifle the dam behind his eyes. "I don't want to talk about this, so stop."

Rayan stopped.

He caught his breath with his heart torn in two. He swallowed his pain and hurt. "We should go join Jon on the pitch, we've got games to practice for. We need to be at our best. I'd rather not get walloped into a foul again." He twisted the handle, but stopped when Rayan's slender fingers clutched the back of his coat. He released the handle, trapped on all sides. Warmth rushed into his ears and circled his temples. "You never give up, do you?" James faced Rayan, who gazed at him with weary golden eyes. Energy twisted in the locker room, until Rayan broke it.

"I won't let anything happen to you on the pitch, James, you can trust me. I said I'd be there for you," Rayan said. "I promised."

James scoffed out a laugh and hid his tears. "You take it so seriously, Ray. It's not a big deal, you don't have to. If it happens, it happens. It's a contact sport, after all, it'd be kind of boring otherwise. We've got a varsity championship to win, so... let's win it, or else Jon will be miserable for the entire break and I kind of don't want to deal with it."

Rayan's expression never changed with the subject. "You're avoiding the subject."

Because if I let you talk and talk... you might just talk me out of it. James sniffed, then indicated to the other side of the door. "We should go, Ray." I need to get out of this room before something happens. Before I say or do something I won't be able to take back. Before I ruin everything. "I just... don't want to talk about it right now."

"Are you going to want to ever talk about it?" Rayan asked while Jon's voice boomed in the distance.

James lost himself in the autumn. "I know what you're doing, Ray."

"Do you?"

"You're not exactly subtle," James pointed out. "I... appreciate your concern but I don't need it."

"James! Rayan!" Jon's voice called from the pitch. "Hurry up!"

"Maybe you do need it."

James shook his head. "It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what I feel," he mumbled under his breath, and escaped the locker room of charged energy and the mixed golds which spread across his world and threatened to change everything.