"You really think I would do such a thing?" Her tears are stained on her cheeks

Of course not!

"Yes."

No! No! No! Don't say that! Apologise to her!

"If you really think that then you wouldn't care if I walked out of that door right now!" She shouts.

No! Don't let her go! Don't let her leave!

"Then go! I never loved you anyway!"

"Fuck you!" She screams and storms out and slams the door.

You idiot! Idiot! Idiot! Idiot! Why would you say that? Why did you lie to her?

I scream and plead at my past self but he seems to be ignoring me.

Please, I'm begging you, run after her!

"Hyung!"

"Huh?" I grunt as someone shakes my shoulders.

"You were having a nightmare hyung." V says hands still on my shoulders.

I push him away.

"Leave." I say.

"But hyung-"

"Leave!" I shout.

He quickly scampers out of my room.

I run my hand through my hair and sigh.

It's been a year and I'm still having nightmares of that night.

I slowly step out of my bed and trudge to the bathroom.

I look at myself in the mirror. Big bags hang onto my eyes and I'm beginning to get wrinkles from stress. I don't care less.

I open the cabinet and reach for the pills.

'Happy Pills' says the label. I put the whole tub in my pocket.

I shut the cabinet to see my reflection again. I punch the mirror and watch it shatter into the sink.

Blood. It seems to be coming from my hand. I don't care.

I quickly rub my hand onto a towel and walk into my bedroom to get dressed.

~

"Shouldn't we tell him?"

"No, it might break him."

"You can't break something that's already broken."

I can hear them talking about me.

I decide to skip breakfast and to visit her.

She was a morning person so she will be awake.

I walk down the street with my head held low.

I don't want any fans noticing me. I don't think I can fake a smile today.

I glance up to see the lamppost we played on when it was snowing.

"Aagh...ugh...I'm going to fall!" I shout waving my hands helplessly.

She laughs.

Her laugh is so perfect. I wish I had treasured it more.

"Hoseok just grab the lamppost for support!" She chuckles.

I quickly grab onto the lamppost but slip and fall onto my butt.

She holds her sides from laughing so much and falls over herself.

"This is why I love you so much." She says wiping tears from her eyes.

"I know."

I blink my tears away.

I will cry later.

I can see the park we played in with the others.

"Hey love birds get a room!" Namjoon shouts.

I break away from our kiss and chase after Namjoon.

I can hear her laugh.

V and Jungkook are playing in the sand pit making sand castles with some kids while Jimin watches from the bench.

I chuckle at their childish actions.

"Hey Hoseok wanna get some ice cream with me?" She asks sweetly.

"Nah I'm good." I stretch my arms and walk towards Jin who is munching on some lettuce.

"Oh...okay." I can hear the pain in her voice but I ignore her.

"Ya! Do you wanna get ice cream with me?" V asks her.

"Umm...sure!" She says even though my back is towards her I know she is smiling.

I try to hold the roses lightly in my hand but all of my sorrow and anger seems to be going into my hand.

I can hear the stems of the flowers breaking.

I walk over to her and fall to the ground.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I love you! I love you so much and I'm so sorry for not saying it enough! Please, please come back to me. I can't breathe knowing I will never see your smile again. I can't sleep knowing I won't wake up to your angelic face. I can't live while you're not!" I shout through tears at her.

A raindrop lands onto her headstone and rolls down her name that is carved so elegantly.

"I shouldn't have let you go. I should have ran after you and hugged you and told you that I loved you so much that words can't even begin to describe. I shouldn't have let you get into that taxi. It's all my fault that you're gone! You wouldn't have got into the taxi if I was actually a decent boyfriend to you! When you saw the lorry coming towards you, did you still hate me? In that split second was your last feeling hate towards me?" I cry holding my head in my hands.

"I found it, you know? I found it in your drawer in a box with a bow. Were you going to tell me that night? We would have had such a beautiful, smart and loving child. You would have been the best Mother in the world. You always wanted kids, didn't you?I can imagine you squealing and jumping up and down in the bathroom clutching the test. I bet you couldn't wait to finally have a child and I took that away from you. From us." I tell her.

My eyes are so sore I can barely open my eyelids.

"I tried to live. I really did. I just can't. I'm sorry. I can't handle everyone being so pitiful towards me when it was all my fault. Even if you hate me still I can't wait to see you. To touch your soft skin. To hear that beautiful laugh that I have missed so dearly." I smile pouring a hand-full of pills in my hand.

"See you on the other side." I whisper and pour the pills into my throat and swallowing them dry. "I can't live without you."