I was supposed to post this with the first wave and forgot. I wondered why no one was talking about it lmao!

Cody's POV

      I lay in bed with shaky hands all my myself. James is at a meeting and I told him to go without me and J out a mental blanket over Jessie. Hopefully Jonah is still sleeping because right now I need to think.

        I don't want to get ahead of myself and get people excited for something that's not real. I'm trying not to get myself excited.

        It's a little too late for that.

        Today is the day that I finally see for myself if I'm pregnant.

         I want to be so bad.

         I've been waiting three years to get pregnant. It's all I've wanted ever since James and I met in high school. My hands begin to flutter again as my anxiety picks up and I can't help the whimper that falls form my throat. I've been putting off this stupid test for over a week now, scared of the results turning out negative.

          I don't know if I can handle anymore writing or disappointment. All I want is to have a family just a little bigger. I love my baby Jonah with all my heart. He's protective and sweet and one of my favorite people in the world.

          And maybe it's selfish of me to want my own baby. One that looks like me, came from me, grew in me. I want my own baby that I can say I made. I want the process of carrying around a child that my Mate and I made together after so many years of trying and failing. And I feel like that want is so so selfish. How could I possibly want more when I am so blessed already? I shouldn't but I really really do.

          Gnawing in my lip, I finally convince myself to get up out of bed, the first step to finding out if I when a baby today.
   
          Maybe I should have asked James to stay home.

           Then again, I wouldn't be able to handle his disappointment on top of my own.

           Since my anxiety is crushing me, I decide to wait on the test until I'm feeling a little bit better. With shaky hands ask dewey eyes I get out of bed and head towards the drawer in the middle. I pull out a fluffy sweatshirt that has a rainbow on it, the pony underneath making me smile.

           Once I pull it over my curls and fix my glasses, I go searching for my favorite fuzzy gray slippers. I find one under the bed and another beside the closet.

            I sit down on the floor and pull them on, wiggling my toes in them making me giggle to myself. Once I feel warm and secure, I quietly leave my room, sneaking past Jonah's and make my way to the kitchen.

           It's time like this where I'm glad I got an electric kettle for Christmas last year.

           Trying my best to be quiet, I grab my favorite tea, setting it on the counter before filling the kettle with enough water for two cups. One for before and one for after. Just in case. I set the kettle back in it's electric stand and start it up. While it begins to boil, I open my tea package and place it in the cup, going to find my sugar and honey. After I grab everything I need, my water is ready.

          I put everything away and go to stand in the porch with my cup, holding it in my shivering hands tightly as I look across the street at the forest across from.

          I remember three years ago when James brought me to this empty slice of land and told me that he was planning to put our home on it. Those weeks leading up to that day had been so rough and hard and with those few words it was like all of it didn't matter.

          Because this was going to be the spot when I had my family and I helped them grow. This was going to be the spot where I had my two kids and we became the Supernatural America dream.

          And here I am three years later, whining all because I don't have a baby on my hip.

          I'm torn within myself. Between feeling ungrateful so cheated out of life. I sit down on the steps with my mug and warm sweater and look up to the skies. I don't really know if my family is up there looking down on us. I don't know if they would even want to watch me down here. Even so, I find myself talking to the stars the sun and the moon whenever I don't know what to do.

          "You guys had the perfect family. We fought, we cried, but we always came back together in the end. And that's what I want in my life. Is it wrong to want something when you already have what most would kill for?" I ask the air.

         And of course there's no response. But as I'm sitting there, thinking about my own whispered question towards the sky, I feel a warm breeze of air caress my cheek and rustle through my curls.

           With tears in my eyes and a confused but awed frown, one of my hands leave my cup to brush against the same cheek the wind did.

           Being a wolf and not a Faerie, I've nerve given much thought to spirits or ghost or any other sort of past love or reincarnation. But sitting here with the feeling of love surrounding me, I fully believe that my family is somewhere watches me, loving me, missing me. And the idea that they're still loving me so hard even after death has be steeling my nerves and rising from the stairs.

           "I love you." I whisper to the wind before I walk back into the house and set my cup down in the kitchen. I continue my way through the house and towards me room, closing the door until I'm alone and secure.

           My bravery runs out after that.

           With timid steps and hands I walk to the bathroom, opening the door, knowing what I have to do but being so so scared to do it.

           I go to the cannier behind the door and move the random stuff out of the way until I come in contact with what I'm looking for: the pregnancy tests. I take one out of the box and shove the others back in the cabinet.

           I'm scared.

           I'm so so scared of the results.

           I'm absolutely terrified that my heart is going to be shattered today.

           In the past three years, I've never had the symptoms or the thoughts or feelings to anything. But I kept trying. I used it take e test every week. Every week turned into every month with turned to every other month until I just stop believing that it would happen.

            I had come to terms with the fact that maybe mother hood in that sense really wasn't for me. But this week, ever since Thursday I've had this strange feeling telling me thats it's finally time. That this is what I've been waiting for. And while I want to believe it so bad? I know I can't because that feeling could be wrong. I could be wrong. And I would hate myself for getting my hopes up over a feeling.

           So I'm taking this test with a grain of salt and the thought in my head that this doesn't mean anything. I'm taking it just to soothe my mind. This means nothing.

           I take my stick out and crumble my wrapper in my hand, knowing I'll have to throw it away in the trash outside so I won't get questions. I pull down my shorts and do my business over the stick, thanking my Goddess that my bladder is the size of a peanut and I don't have to wait forever to take the test.

         Once I'm done I take a deep breath and go to wash my hands, looking at myself in the mirror. And as always, unable to help myself, there's hope shining in my eyes.

          I set myself up for failure.

          I sit down on the edge of the tub, thinking to myself, trying to distract me from the small cheap stick next to me that could change my whole life. After waiting the amount of time I'm supposed to, I pick the stick up, but I don't look at it. I just hold it in my grasp tightly as I pray and pray and pray, even though I know what the answer is going to be.

          Not feeling optimistic at all, I turn the stick over and briefly look down at the results but my eyes get stuck. And I just stare.

          And stare.

          And stare.

          And then I begin crying.

          Because, finally, finally, after all this time, I'm pregnant.

~~~~~~~~~~
Here's something else you guys forgot you were waiting for. This is so heart felt and sweet. Cody really deserves the world. For those of you that are wondering, yes, Lily is Cody's daughter.

Thoughts?

Comments?

QOTD: What do you think will happen next with the couples?