I would recommend that my one struggling with home life or mental illness read this. But of you don't want to, find the heart emojis and don't forget to vote

As most of you know, I am a firm believer in spreading awareness and acceptable of all mental health issues and doing my best to educate all of us and make sure that you guys know that you're not alone.

So I want to talk about a very common kind of depression that people don't talk about that can be added on to whatever anxiety and or depression that you may have.

But first let me give you a peace of my life.

I have a lot of undiagnosed mental illnesses because my parents don't believe that young people can have mental health issues and never wanted to take me to the doctor or therapist.

I was only taken to the therapist for my behavior problems when I was younger, which were caused by my growing mental illnesses, but the therapist only listened to my mom and told her everything I said so I never go help.

My step-dad is a narcissistic degrading asshole, my biological dad left me when I was around five and takes care of all of his other kids, and my mom... I don't even know how to describe her.

So I grew up with daddy issues (x2), mommy issues, depression, anxiety, ADHD, and ADD most of which I had to figure out myself because my parents didn't want to help me because they thought I was just a lazy ungrateful kid when they are just selfish and toxic. So I have a lot of issues which is why writ my form so many POVs is so easy for me, because I identify with each one of my characters at least in one aspect. And I'll tell you how their behaviors shaped my life, again, most of which I can to learn  and research myself.

I am:

-polygamous
-sensitive
-a people pleasure
-abrasive when I shouldn't be
-very opinionated because my feelings were always invalided as a kid
-i over share because I never had anyone to listen
-I can't get cussed or yelled at in a regular conversation or I will shut down
-Degrading turned into such a big part of my life that it's now one of my biggest kinks
-i have a problem with harsh authority
-I am a brat
-and i'm also a type of little (a Middle if you want to look it up)
-and many many more

All of this on TOP of the mental health problems that I talked about.

And now let's talk about the time of year where people like me start to regress into a deeper state of depression and why.

A lot of people say that they don't like winter because it's cold and dreary and snow is annoying but there is also another reason why the colder months are disliked, something that may be subconscious to you.

Seasonal depression usually begins around daylight savings times and this is what happeneds.

During the summer there is more sun, more daylight hours, the weather is beautiful and warm and the vitamin D rhat you get from the sun is good for your skin and mental health. Everyone loves summer even if you don't like the heat.

But then what happens is that the time changes, and it starts getting dark at 5pm instead of 8:30pm. You starts getting tired all the time, you're not getting the same vitamins. You sleep too much, feel unmotivated, your depression spikes, grades drop, procrastination rises and al it does it turn your mental health to shit.

And yes this is common. And I wanted to bring attention to it in case anyone out there thought they were alone.

My seasonal depression hits me hard. It used to get dark around 8 I would fight it for three hours, post at 11 and then sleep and wake up when the sun comes up around 7. It was the perfect schedule, I got so much done and things were great.

Now, it gets dark at 5, I'm sleeping and drained all
day, I can't focus, I feel like shit, I never reach my writing goals, can barely make it to 8pm and I sleepy all night and don't wake up until 5 or 6 in the morning when the sun is about to come up.

And I hate it so much because I have so many plans and ideas and I want to get so much done but all I can do is sleep and struggle and it SUCKS.

The content that I could give you of it was still summer is un hair.

Like even the Saturday update, it's not going to be nearly as big as it could have or show have been.

I won't hit any of my goals more than likely and I feel like crap about it and still majorly sleepy.

I wish so bad that I could just write to my heart's content same in the summer as the winter but it's hard. This is my first year writing and I was hoping that it would help my season depression and i'm a way it does but it also reminds me of just how little I actually get done.

So I probably won't be able to take the break as early as I want to because I can't write as much as I usually do.

When I do take my break, I probably will take it through Christmas to February and I can work on setting some big milestones for myself and when I get back, spring will be around the corner.

Of course I won't be gone, I'll be editing and going through my books to make sure they are how I want them to be and I'm sure that I will rewrite a lot of parts so if any of you want to reread them, be my guest.

So I wrote all of this to say, if you've even read this far, that there are people all over the world that may be feeling how you do and you're not alone.

If you ever need to talk I am always available even with the time difference. I am struggling and you may be too but it doesn't have to be alone!

I will continue to write because comments bring me joy and I will continue to hope to bring a smile to you guys face as we al struggle with this round fo books and winter.

❤️❤️❤️❤️IF YOU SKIP EVERYTHING ELSE LOOK HERE❤️❤️❤️❤️

I love each and every one of you and I hope you're excited for the updates coming tomorrow night. Though, actually I'm going to let you vote on this.

- I could upload something small every day until I have what I planned ready and do a huge mega update

OR

-post all of what I have tomorrow around like 12 and then try my best to finish whatever else I had planned

OR

-post everything but Jason's book and continue to do so and post that only when I finish it and I'm ready to post

Alright enough with the sad, I really hope this helped, but i wanted to show you guys soemthing that I bought purely for myself and enjoyment that makes me feel sexy and pretty.

I love these pictures so much. But yes this is an update as well as a post about awareness. I love you all, thank you for reading this far of you have and I hope that this helped even just a little bit.