(EIW: another ludicrously long chapter cuz it's the act final hooray!)

When I regained my consciousness I was laid across the backseat of a car I don't remember getting into. My face immediately scrunched in discomfort and confusion as I tried to remember what had happened. I brought a hand to my head while I let out a small groan courtesy of my head that ached profusely. As my vision cleared I shot up quickly, looking around my surroundings in a panic.

I now remembered what happened. I was pulled from the lake and was taken on James's back. Why did he take me? Where were we going? So many questions traveled through my head but all that came out was a strangled whimper as I slightly panicked. There was no way to get out of this.

"Et, ty v proyvadke, ty v poryvadke." James said from the driver's seat, looking back at me through the rearview mirror. (Hey you're okay, you're okay.)

"Pochemu ty vzyal menya?" I breathed out still panicking and looking around. "Kuda my idem?" (Why did you take me? Where are we going?)

"Ya spas tebya, ya ne mog ostavit tebya s etimi lyud'mi." He informed me of his reason. "I my otpravlyayemsya kuda-to daleko, gde smozhem spryatat'sya." (I saved you, I couldn't leave you with those people.) (And we're going somewhere far away where we can hide.)

"Net, net, eti lyudi byli moimi druz'yami!" I argued. "oni khoroshiye lyudi." (No, no, those people were my friends!) (They're good people.)

His eyebrows furrowed as he thought, I could tell he felt bad about me being distraught. Maybe he was trying to remember more about Steve or me. I wanted to go back, I wanted to see Natasha and see if Steve was okay. I wanted to joke with Sam and watch the movie Natasha promised she'd show me. I knew he wouldn't take me back though. I would have to escape at some point.

There wasn't going to be any point in trying to make a run for it now, it was dark and we looked to be in the middle of nowhere on a deserted road in the countryside. Maybe playing along to whatever he wanted me to do and running after a week or two would be a better option. I swallowed hard, attempting to act calm as I quickly formulated my plan.

"Kak ty vdrug vspomnil obo mne?" I questioned quietly, slightly looking up into the mirror with only my eyes. (How do you remember me suddenly?)

He was quiet at first, focusing on his hands on the wheel before he cleared his throat. "I don't know," He said in English, catching me by surprise at the lack of a Russian accent. "On the carrier when you screamed for me to stop, something clicked and you came into my mind, only in my head you were much smaller." He explained.

I stared in response, I didn't remember much of my time at HYDRA or with him. I hoped he remembered more than I did so he could explain. He seemed like he genuinely wanted to protect me. I used my training to focus on the little details in the way his eyes moved and the certain moments when his voice cracked, all indications of genuinely speaking.

"I don't remember much of anything, they wiped my memory," I told him.

"You were with me, in there." He told me rather than asking. "It was only for about a year and a half I think, I've had two hours to think about it."

"I've been out for two hours?!" I asked, genuinely shocked.

"Yep, I stopped by a small store and fixed up your leg. Sorry by the way." He explained.

My chest tightened at the thought of how he managed to fix my leg, the wound was on the middle of my thigh. I tried not to let it distract me as I kept my eyes trained in front of me, not letting my guard down just yet.

"Oh, thank you," I responded.

"No problem, your shoulder was also bleeding from an old wound, I did that also right?" James seemed ashamed at all the harm he'd done to my small body.

I clamped my lips into a tight line and nodded. They felt crusted over with blood and badly bruised.

"I'm really sorry." He mumbled, looking out the window not daring to meet my eyes.

"It's alright, it wasn't really you." I forgave him.

It was quiet for a minute before he spoke again. I took the time of silence to inspect my wound. The area of my suit and pants was ripped open revealing a medium-sized hole and my belt was still buckled, indicating that my pants had stayed on the whole time. I let out a quick sigh of relief as I looked up to the sound of his voice.

"I don't remember your name, I only remembered calling you my little moon face." He informed me.

I stayed quiet for a second while I wondered If I should tell the truth. "It's Irena, your's is James yes?" I asked to confirm even though I already knew thanks to Steve.

"Yeah but I don't want to be called James, James was bad." He said.

"Oh...well what do you want to be called?" I questioned.

He thought for a second, looking ahead into the road seemingly spacing out. "Bucky...Bucky's good." He decided.

"Alright then, Bucky." I nodded slightly, not sure what to say next.

"How's your head?" Bucky asked, relieving me of thinking of a way to continue the conversation.

"It aches," I answered shortly. 

"Maybe you should try sleeping some more, that might help." He suggested.

"Alright."

With that, I laid back down and turned to face the back of the seats. My heart felt heavy in my chest as I felt an emotion I don't remember ever feeling. I missed my friends. I missed them badly. I wanted nothing more than to be in Natasha's arms as she ran her hands through my hair. I didn't want to be here with Bucky, I wanted to be with Nat.

"Goodnight," Bucky said in a normal tone, not too hopeful and not too rude.

"Noch," I replied with the intent of being spiteful but not trying to show it too much. (Night.)

ⴵ

4 DAYS LATER

"Eat your food, Ira." Bucky urged as he chewed, pushing the unfinished box of French fries towards me.

"I'm not hungry," I mumbled, hugging my knees as I moved my face away from him, placing it on the passenger seat window.

He sighed at my response. "You've barely eaten anything besides peach rings and iced tea from Arizona in the past four days."

I shot him a glare when he averted his eyes from the road to look at me.

"Look Irena, I'm really trying to be your friend again here," He started before I cut him off.

"Well excuse me for being mad at you for kidnapping me from my friends, I am not 5 years old anymore and I don't even remember most of the time we spent together." I snapped at him.

I saw the way he immediately shrank into his seat and his hopeful eyes fell. I felt bad slightly for exploding but I had pent up my emotions for days, trying to control the sadness and anger I felt from what had gone down only days ago and who I was missing. I avoided Bucky's hurt eyes and continued to stare out my window which was starting to fog from my hot breath beating against the cold glass.

"I remember some of it." He said quietly, almost cautiously while he attempted to look at me again.

When I didn't respond with any indication that I heard he looked back to the road and started to talk anyway.

"You had just gotten there about a week earlier and were crying in the corner of your small cell." He started to recount.

I let my eyes move in his direction, not fully turning my head.

"They had only let me pass by once before so it was my first time formally meeting you when they threw me in the cell we just stared at each other for a couple of minutes, I didn't know what to do 'cuz I hadn't been around kids in so long so I carefully stood up and as slowly as I could so I wouldn't scare you, I reached over and poked your arm." He explained.

Bucky let out a small chuckle as the memory played back. "You let out this offended little gasp before giving me the meanest scowl I had ever seen a child give then you poked me back." He smiled. "We went back and forth with the poking until you were hysterically laughing and even I was smiling. It was the first time I had smiled in 40 years I think." He admitted.

I let myself barely move my lips upwards in a smile, it was so small no one would even call it a smile. I didn't remember any of this but it sounded like something I would do. Even at the academy, I gave Madame and my instructors a backhanded attitude that always resulted in a harsh slap or beating.

"Still nothing?" He questioned, looking at me.

I once again didn't respond, attempting to keep my gaze fixed on the road in front of us.

"Alright, you're a tough one." He said.

"Okay, so with this one we were on our fourth mission, our first one in the States actually and your job was to play the role of a lost little girl and lead the target into an alleyway so I could... well you know." He paused, suddenly thinking if this was a good story to tell.

If anything it just made me feel guilty, more blood on my hands and I fully knew what I was doing.

"Anyway, Pierce had sent over a little outfit for you to wear that day and I still remember it somehow, It was a dark red dress with a black cardigan black shiny flats, and white knee socks that had tiny bows on the top of them." Bucky described it like it was yesterday.

It made my heart sting to think of myself in such an outfit at that age, actually getting to look like a normal kid. I wonder how long that lasted before I helped kill a man.

"He also sent these dark red hair bows that matched with your dress. I didn't know how to braid and you were still young so you couldn't do it on yourself, but I remembered you used to practice braiding on me sometimes. So here I am, trying to braid your hair into two little plaits on the side of your head while you walked me through it." He stopped to laugh again.

This time I smiled, a small one without teeth but a smile nonetheless.

"Ah! I see your smile there kid don't even try and hide it!" Bucky pointed out with a wide smile of his own.

"Whatever, finish the story." I chuckled in defeat, desperate to hear the end of the tale.

"Alright if you insist," Bucky shrugged like he didn't want to finish.

"When we were done we were about to be late and your hair looked like you ran through a dumpster fire which I guess we thought was fitting considering you had to look a bit roughed up, so we left. When the guy was done with we took the money from his wallet. We had finished 2 hours before the men were coming to pick us up so when you saw your braids in the mirror you practically had a stroke kid I mean you were appalled." He laughed.

I bit my lip to hold in my laughter, I felt my teeth reveal themselves as the story continued. I wished I could remember what he was saying.

"So you made me buy you an ice cream cone, it was your first ever anything that wasn't given to us by HYDRA so when you got it you looked like you were going to die. You were so confused about how they got "snow" to be strawberry flavored." He finished after putting down his air quotes.

"Oh my god, so my love for strawberry flavor goes way back." I pointed out, remembering how I immediately chose a strawberry frosty when I had the chance.

"I guess so." Bucky shrugged.

"So weird." I chuckled as I finished picturing the story in my head. A strawberry ice cream sounded good right now.

It was quiet for a good 20 minutes as we drove. In those 20 minutes, I saw 20 blue cars, 18 red cars, and 56 black cars, we drove into the state of Missouri, and a song came on the radio that I grew to like about being sad in the summer.

"Oh hey, I forgot I got you something at the gas station," Bucky revealed, breaking the silence.

"Really?" I asked as I perked up from my slouched position to see what he was grabbing from his door side compartment.

"Yep here," He confirmed as he flung a book into my lap. "So you can write what you feel instead of exploding randomly... and so you don't die of boredom. " He explained.

It was a plain black book that had an elastic string to clamp the book shut and a small slip to hold a single writing utensil. In that slip was a green pen that was covered in stars.

"Cool, thanks!" I thanked him as I opened the book giddy with excitement.

I had never had anything of my own before so I was more than excited to draw and write anything and everything. I started by writing down the number Natasha told me to call if I was ever in trouble while we lay in the guest bed together while Steve slept on the couch at Sam's house.

Natasha, I missed her. Steve and Sam too. 202-365-9290, I wrote with the initials R.N., just in case Bucky went through the book.

"No problem kid." He smiled at me.

I smiled back for once.

In the past four days, we had come up with a good routine that kept us sane. Start driving around 11 am until 8 pm. We'd take 30 minutes to an hour hour to get snacks use the restroom and just stretch our legs every 3 hours. At 8 pm we would find somewhere to park and have dinner which was usually instant noodles in a cup that we activated with water we boiled over a fire.

Around 11 we'd both fall asleep but it was just laying there quietly while we pretended we didn't know the other was awake. I was thinking about if I would be able to sneak out during the night, saying I had to pee but It probably wouldn't work considering how dark it would be. I would have to wait for another opportunity to arise before I made my escape.

I was starting to like Bucky and I could tell he cared about me but I cared about Natasha more. I had to see her again, I just got her back. But Bucky just got you back, a voice in the back of my mind told me, making me swallow hard to attempt to forget that thought.

"Bucky?" I asked for his attention, turning my head from my new journal to look at him.

"Yeah, moon face?" He questioned.

"Thank you for caring," I said out of nowhere, I gave him a tight-lip smile to hide the guilt that felt like it was eating my stomach alive.

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion at my random comment before he answered. "Of course kid." He answered before turning up the radio when a song that talked about loading up guns and bringing your friends started playing. None of us knew exactly what this type of music was but we both seemed to like it.

As he increased the volume of the music I threw my head back and let out an exaggerated groan but we also both knew I didn't mean it.

ⴵ

13 DAYS LATER

We ended up staying in Missouri for 4 days after we arrived. We did what we had to do to survive, we robbed, stole, lied, but never killed, we didn't kill anymore.

My wounds had now completely healed and were barely even noticeable besides the silver line and circle that was left on my skin. I now owned a green backpack that contained my few belongings. It felt too weird to carry around stuff that belonged to me. I had two pairs of clothes in my backpack as well as my suit, my journal, my toothbrush, and a bag of opened half-eaten peach rings. My favorite item in my backpack was a beaten-up iPod device that was connected to headphones.

Bucky claimed he found it on the sidewalk but I had a sly feeling he stole it. I didn't care though because it was it was the best thing I had ever owned. It had dozens of songs inside of it and played music when I pressed the go button. I didn't exactly know how the music got in there but I didn't question it any more than I needed to.

In the middle console of the car we had our communal belongings such as toothpaste, shampoo, and conditioner, bottles of water and snacks, and an old polaroid camera we had found in a dumpster behind a tall blue building called Best Buy. The camera surprisingly had a pack of film inside of it and Bucky and I have used exactly 3. He and I have grown closer in the past two weeks we've spent together.

I've officially known Bucky longer than I've known Natasha, Steve, and Sam, I guess not Natasha but I hardly remember her before I had my memory wiped so I don't count it. As much as I've grown to like Bucky, I decided last night that today was the day I would run. I acted seemingly normal for two weeks, playing along with the ploy I had made that I was going to stay with him and go wherever he had planned.

It was 3 pm as we crossed the state line between Kansas and Colorado. I looked up from my journal and turned to Bucky to start phase I of my escape plan. "Hey, Buck we should find a gym or something to shower in don't you think? It's been like," I paused to check my journal for the piece of information I had written down somewhere. "4 days since we last showered." I informed him.

"4 days is nothing, we went months without showering back there." He laughed at my sudden ignorance. I found it ironic also but I needed it to work for my plan. I needed something that would distract him long enough for me to run far away as a head start.

I planned to act as though I was showering and while he showered I would make a run for it so far away that he wouldn't be able to find me straight away. I would have to find a pay phone or ask a shop to use their phone so I could call Natasha. This plan was simple and easy, it was the guilt that hurt me.

Bucky thought he had finally gotten through to me and that I was happy to come with him on this crazy hide-and-seek-knock-off mission. I knew he was going to be hurt by my betrayal, I didn't want to leave him alone but I couldn't wait any longer, I had to be with my friends.

"I know but we're not there anymore so we can take showers like normal people now," I told him.

"You got a point." He replied, nodding his head slowly. "Okay, I'll look for one now and we could shower around 5 or 6." Bucky complied.

"Thanks!" I beamed, and he of course smiled widely back upon seeing me smile. Fake, it was all a lie.

I turned to a new page in my journal and started to write a goodbye/ reasoning note. It was short but informative. While I thought about what more to write, I stared at the Polaroid that hung on the passenger's mirror by a paper clip.

It depicted me and Bucky with ice cream dollop hats on, wearing confused faces as we held our thumbs up and slightly smiled for the photo. We had gotten the hats for being the 200th customer to ever eat there, thankfully the diner was empty of people.

I remembered the man who took our photo called me his daughter and complemented our matching icy blue eyes that I never noticed we shared until then. We simply looked at each other before smiling at the man and posing.

It took me an hour to write the note, it wasn't that I wrote a lot it was that I had to think about what to say. By the time I had finished, it was 4:10 ish and we had found a gym that offered 15-minute showers for 12 dollars each. I felt bad about wasting a good 12 dollars, another thing to feel bad about.

Dear Bucky, I feel bad that you are reading this but I've known I was going to do this the second I woke up two weeks ago. I appreciate the fact that you care about me and wanted to save me but I have unfinished business in D.C. I need to see Natasha and find out if Steve's ok. Thank you for helping me remember and for being a friend. I won't forget the kindness and things you showed me, this time I will remember it forever. I'm sorry it came to this, I really wish I could take you back with me but we both know how that would go. May we meet again, make sure you don't forget me. Your little moon face, Irena Leisel Ivanakof.

ⴵ

6 pm: Wednesday, May 3rd, 2014

"Alright, kid let's go," Bucky instructed as he turned off the car's engine and removed the keys from the ignition.

"Coming," I replied, gathering all my things and throwing them into my backpack.

Bucky climbed out of the car and walked a few steps ahead, waiting for me to get out. I stashed all my things quickly, only taking what was mine. I started to open the door's handle before my eyes caught on one of the three photos that hung on the passenger's sun visor, clipped into the sides of the mirror. I looked at them for a second before I gave into my thoughts and reached out to grab the ice cream hat one, tucking it safely into my jeans pockets.

"Geez what took you so long?" He questioned, playfully hitting me with one of his shoulders as we walked through the parking lot, his hands in his pockets to cover his arm.

"I was getting more hair bands, I want to braid my hair while it's wet so it dries all wavy." I lied through my teeth.

"Oh I see, do you think it would work on my luscious locks also?" He asked me as he waved his head around dramatically, moving his hair in the process.

I cracked a smile at his joke, letting out a laugh as I ducked my head towards the pavement under our feet. I was definitely going to miss his attempts at making me laugh. He opened the door, letting me walk inside first before he walked in himself.

The woman at the front desk's head shot up upon hearing the bell jingle. She put on a welcoming smile and lightly waved at him as we approached her.

"Hey there what can I do for you both today?" She asked politely.

"Hi yes, I was wondering if I could pay for two showers?" Bucky answered with equal amounts of kindness in his voice.

"Of course!" She said as she started to click buttons on the screen in front of her. "That'll be 24 dollars, sir, there are towels in locker rooms."

Bucky handed her the money and waved in thanks as we both started to walk towards the showers, keeping our heads down under our hats as we walked past the weight room to avoid anyone recognizing us from the news.

We stopped in the hallway that divided two doors. "Alright meet back here in 30 minutes at most ok? If I'm not here when you come out wait for me in front of the door." He instructed.

"Sounds good," I nodded as he started to turn to enter the showers. "Wait Bucky, read this after your shower, make sure it's after your shower, not before that part important if you don't I'll know," I told him with a serious face.

He chuckled as his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "Okay, I promise I'll read it after my shower." He confirmed.

I gave him a thankful nod. "Thank you."

"Alright kid, see you in a bit." He said, this time fully turning to push open the door.

I did the same, halfway inside as I said my goodbyes. "Goodbye, Bucky," I replied as I shut the door.

I put my back against the wall and closed my eyes tightly while letting out a deep breath once inside. I knew this was for the better but it still made my chest hurt, I hated that feeling. I quickly shook off my guilt and looked around for a window I could use as my escape. Staring right in front of my face from across the room was a mirror.

I made my way across the area and moved a trash can underneath the window so I could easily access it. Taking off the cover was child's play and it was off in a matter of seconds. I didn't waste any time before throwing my backpack through and climbing out.

I landed with one leg bent under me and another out to the side before getting up. I looked around to confirm I was alone before I started to run. I only had roughly 20 minutes before Bucky would notice I left so I had to get as far as I could.

I ran and ran, not stopping for anything or anyone. I ran until my feet were sore and I could barely breathe. I found a small gas station that seemed far enough away after about 30 to 40 minutes of running. I had to run through a small patch of woods, a levee, and a grass field just to skip the town I had just previously been in. The bottom of my pant legs was dripping wet and covered in mud as I walked towards the gas station.

I burst straight through the door, clearly out of breath and frantic while I attempted to let air into my lungs at the same time as trying to keep my cool. The clerk looked up from his paper to get a look at me before his eyes widened at my state.

"Can I use your phone please?" I asked breathlessly.

The man seemed a bit shocked at my thick accent more than my mud-splattered clothes and just simply nodded. He brought the phone from behind him and stretched it over the counter to hand it to me. It looked much like a payphone from the outside but less bulky.

"Thank you," I said as I took it. "202-365-9290" I mumbled to myself while dialing it. I held the phone to my ear like I'd seen countless other people do before. I heard it ring and ring for a minute before the line went dead. I dropped the phone from my ear and looked at it with confusion.

"No, no, no, Nat c'mon pick up," I begged the phone as if it was her.

I dialed it again and it rang continuously once more. I thought I had no hope when I finally heard it crackle as someone answered on the other end.

"Hello?" A voice on the other end asked. Natasha's voice.

"Natasha?" I replied, my voice sounding much higher with relief.

I could practically hear her frown of confusion as she heard my voice transfer through the phone.

"Irena?" She questioned quickly, "Where are you? Are you alright?" She wasted no time bombarding me with all sorts of questions.

"I need you to pick me up." I choked. I was so grateful to hear her voice all I wanted was to be by her side.

"Where are you?" She pressed, not asking any further questions.

"Somewhere in Missouri, I don't know," I admitted before looking to the clerk for help in the matter.

"Branson." He mouthed.

I nodded thankfully at him before relaying the information to Natasha. "Branson, Branson, Missouri, I'm in a gas station.

She sounded like she was running on the other end of the phone as she replied. "Ok, I'm getting on a chopper in 5 minutes Doll, we'll be right there in 3 hours." She informed me.

"We like Sam and Steve?" I pondered out loud.

"And Maria." She answered.

"Okay, hurry please," I begged.

"We will just hold on," Natasha assured me.

"Okay, thank you, Nat," I said softly, relieved but embarrassed.

"Of course kid, we missed you." She admitted.

"I did too."

"Stay in that gas station and wait we'll be there soon, we're about to leave I gotta go," Nat instructed.

"Okay, bye," I said and ended the call.

I was going home. I didn't know where exactly that was but I knew it would be fine If Nat was next to me the whole time.

───˖ ࣪ ˖ ࣪✦: * ˚ ✦ ───
4961 words ~ 1:30 am
December 9th 2023

Ellie's words!!

that was the last official full chapter of ACT I thats insane. Ik it was only 13 chapters but it ended up to be a total of over 35.9K words

The next act will be in 3rd person and is Age of Ultron. I decided at the last second i wasnt going to skip AOU so hope u guys enjoy (more writing for me "yay!!")

I wish I could've given Irena and Bucky multiple chapters but I just couldn't bc of space and time and it just didn't seem right considering it would basically be the plot of "the silent shadow". I lwk hate the end of the chapter but I was so desperate to finish it that I just wrote wtv.

You guys I promise my 3rd person writing is better when i'm not lazy. Also tmr's my birthday, 14 wooooo!!!

TY GUYS SM FOR ALL THE SUPPORT CUZ WOAH I NEVER EXPECTED THIS?! as of (3/8/24) i'm publishing this and withered webs has 11.5k reads so ty so so much