Pale moonlight glimmers on the amulet. The different colors sparkling in my hands, head bent towards it. The weak throb in my chest can't bare the sight in front of me anymore, just listening to the crackling flames makes it hard.

Sighing, I rub the sleek cyan glass with my left hand. Even after a week and in the gray light, the limb is obviously weak. Tendons sticking out like a sore thumb, and I can just see my veins crawling all over the pale skin. 

A cough plows through my lungs, heart buckling under violent lurches inflicting my body. I wheeze by the time it passes, blinking to refocus my eyes. The weak throb in my chest forced to throb a bit faster because of it.

"Just rest Jesse."

"We'll take of care it dude."

"You still need to recover. Rest."

"Psh, if you need help sleeping, I know a trick to instantly get you under."

Sighing, I let my eyes flutter close. I know, rationally, that I need rest. Not only did some common sickness quickly decide to move in once the Wither Sickness left me almost dead, but I was diligently working my exhausted body again in that time in between. Refusing to rest despite the parasites leaving my body, refusing to give myself a chance to actually think about what has happened.

The fire crackles in my ears, the night otherwise silent. If I look up, I know I'll be staring at the truth. But I don't want to. I want to believe I'm sitting in front of a campfire, back in the forest that I used to call home. I want to go back in time, just a couple of weeks. I could stop Petra from the deal or stop Ivor.

My eyebrows crinkle at the thought of Ivor. I've been told that without him, Petra couldn't make her super enchanted sword, which she doesn't actually like to wield, to destroy the Command Block. That apparently, he actually helped. That he saw what he did wrong and helped make it right.

Although that doesn't change the fact it's all his fault. It's the whole Order of the Stone's, Old Order now, fault. Soren should've done it, Ellegaard should've done it, heck, even Ivor should have been the one to destroy what he created. Bunch of cowards, the whole lot of them.

The flare of anger quickly dies down again, I just can't stay mad. I've been having a hard time feeling anything. I could fake it for awhile, and I knew I shouldn't be feeling this way, but one by one I just couldn't care. Completely unable to feel anything, just a void.

Flames crackle in front of me, almost urging me to look up. But I don't want to, I still don't want to. I wish I could work actually. If I could work, then I wouldn't have the energy to think about this. If I could work, I could improve other people's lives and ignore mine.

But the others threatened to chain me to my bed if I so much even offer to go shear sheep. I know they just want to help, but that is probably the worst form of torture they could give me. Even if that's the exact thing my body needs.

A raspy and half hearted chuckle huffs through my mouth, bitter irony making its way past all the chaos in my head. Earlier today, I was crowned leader of the New Order of the Stone, Axel's already teased me by saying I'm the King of the NOOTS.

But really? Me? I scowl at the glimmering amulet in my hands, the thing that kept us in jeopardy for the entire time. The Wither's parasites revenged my arm and all the while I had its beacon in my pocket. I really wanted to punch Ivor after I was told about that one.

And I did every little to actually stop the Wither Storm. I shouldn't be called leader, that was the one thing I never even wanted in the first place, I wanted to desperately push it to Soren or any of the other Order members before I knew they were liars and cheats.

Not only did I fail to kill it the first time around, ending Magnus's life with that attempt, but I wasn't even a part of the journey to actually go kill the thing. I suppose I did get my friends out of the tractor beam at the very end, but we've been having to get each other out of the tractors beams so many times that we've all saved each others lives by that.

Distantly, I twirl the amulet in my hands, ignoring the chills crawling up my back from being out here so long. I wish I wasn't crowned the leader, I wish Gabriel never announced it to everyone without giving me so much as a word in advance. I don't want the title, and I definitely don't deserve it.

The flames snap at me, searing my one big failure into me. The one thing I that I kept fighting for the entire time, the one thing that I used to convince myself to keep going, I failed at.

I look up, Reuben's memorial glowing in the moonlight. Glowing my failure all to the world.

My weak throbbing heart twists violently, the pristine memorial blurring as tears yet again spill. If only I was strong enough to replace him, that somehow I could've gone with Petra into the Wither Storm. Then he wouldn't be dead, he would still be alive, still be happy.

But I failed, I failed at keeping him safe. The one thing, my one purpose for the entire time, and I failed. I told him to go take my place. 

A pathetic whimper leaks from my heart, fingers squeezing against the amulet. I don't deserve it. I almost killed Lukas when he had to save me from drowning, I did kill Magnus and made the Wither Storm stronger, my friends almost died going to the Far Lands and I wasn't there to help them, and I utterly and completely failed Reuben. I don't deserve this.

I'll pass the title to someone else tomorrow, it feels wrong for me to have it. Petra can have it, she keep us alive better than me at times. Lukas could have it, he's smart and capable too. Definitely not me though, I still haven't recovered even after a week. I'm sure I looked like I was about to fall over during the little speech I gave.

If only-

"Jesse?" Olivia's calls out, yet my eyes do not peel away from my glowing failure. My best friend, the best little pig in this entire world, dead. I hear the many footsteps of my friends when they see me, but I'll never hear his soft steps again.

All because I failed him, I failed to keep him away.

"Dude, it's freezing out here!" Finally, I let my eyes flicker from the glowing memorial up to Axel. "How long have you been here?"

I shrug, hanging my head over the stupid amulet again. Already guessing what Olivia's going to say when she gently puts her hand on my shoulder.

"Come on, let's get you back inside." She hesitates, trying to pick her words carefully. I've been an emotional roller-coaster this past week, blowing up and shutting down frequently. Another reason I don't deserve this amulet, I don't deserve to be leader. "You must be tired."

"No."

The blunt and hallow whisper that leaks from my mouth silences them. The fire cracks and snaps, hurting me and yet I don't want to leave. I can't say why, but I just can't leave. Leaving just feels so wrong and painful. I don't want to move.

Petra lets out a forceful sigh. "Jesse, after everything you've lived through, you are not just going to whittle away. Now, either get up and go back to bed or I'll carry your limp body back."

"I'm not tired."

Petra snorts, "I have ways to make you go limp."

Someone must've elbowed her, my friends whispering and mumbling to each other. I know they just want what's best for me, I really do know that. But knowing that doesn't change the ache in my heart, or the guilt clawing relentless at me, or the regret dragging down my mind. It doesn't change any of that.

Lukas's hand appears on mine, warm compared to mine, and I glance over to find him kneeling next to me. The gray light revealing his soft face as he gently whispers. "You know he wouldn't want you to be like this. He would want you to rest."

My face breaks, the word 'would' echoing and bouncing in my skull. That simple word springing chaos in my mind, the numbed emotions roaring back to life. Grief and regret screaming at me, shutting out my friends.

"No." I shake my head, trying to shove it all back down, to deny my emotions any attention at all. "No, no, no! I'm not going to lay down, why should I? Why-"

My throat clenches, drying up instantly, as everything I want to say hollers on the inside. I don't deserve to rest when I failed him. Why would resting change anything at all? I don't want to have energy, I don't want to have the ability to live life normally because I know Reuben's not going to be there. All because I failed him. I failed to keep him safe! The one thing I so desperately wanted to do!

The weak throb in my chest thumps viciously, my shoulders shaking as I glare down at the amulet. A cough builds up in my lungs, guilt crying at me that someone so weak doesn't deserve to the leader of the Order of the Stone. It should have been me who died, not him. 

A cough and a cry explode out, sobs pounding in my stomach and coughs in my lungs. Sometime in the storm of pain and numbness I chuck the amulet to the side. Wishing the stupid thing will never be in my life ever again.

Olivia grips my shoulder, waiting for me to stop hacking before speaking. "Jesse, we have to warm you-"

"I don't deserve it." My words croak, so weak and frail. "I don't deserve it. You guys figure who the leader should be. Gabriel was wrong, I'm not good enough to be a leader. I don't deserve it."

The distant flames snap and crackle in their silence, assuring my guilt and making my regret writhe inside me. I just can't bare to leave though, ever since this spot was decided to build his memorial, I just can't bare to leave it. It always hurts so much, I can always feel it pull me back.

"You." I snap my head up, Axel bending down and putting the amulet in my lap. "You should be the leader, that's what I figure."

I shake my head, ignoring when Olivia squeezes my shoulder. "No, no I really don't. Just look at me, I sound sixty years old and I've been sick for ages now. I've nearly killed all of you and I couldn't-" A whimper drives itself out, my tears silently splashing onto the glimmering amulet. "I was too weak keep Reuben alive."

Petra snorts, in such a way that I can't help but strain my neck to look at her. In the dim lighting, I can see one of eyebrows raised. Yet despite that, her eyes gleam in the moonlight with a seriousness I rarely see in her.

"Y'know Jesse, you weren't strong enough to deal the final death blow to the Wither Storm."

"Petra-" Lukas silences at Petra's raised hand and glare at him before she turns to me again.

"But you're being a doofus and over looking everything else. You were the first one brave enough to go up against that storm. You were the one who made us believe the Wither Storm can die. You were the one who never showed any fear, always remaining so irritatingly hopeful. Yeah, you were physically succumbing to the worst sickness there is, not much you could do about that. But without you, we would have all succumbed to our fear at some point or another."

I blink, watching her lips turn up into a smirk. My heartbeat distantly thumping as her words sink inside me.

"So sick or not, you're leader, deal with it. You have to leader because you're the only one who refused to quit at fighting fear."

[End]

****

Yikes. When was the last time I posted? May? I promise I didn't actually die or anything. 

But I finally got this project completed after letting it gather dust for so long. I did promise to make it, sorry I took awhile to come through with it. 

I suppose this will be the last full fledged story I do with MCSM. There's a few oneshots that I'm going to finish, but I think that will be the last of it. So yeah....

Gosh it has been so long since I've done an Author's Note, everything feels awkward. I'm sorry if it's awkward.

Anyway, I still do hope you enjoyed this twist on the game here. I didn't stray too far from the actual game, but still, I hope you enjoyed it. And even if you didn't, thank you for reading it through anyway. 

So now I just have a goodbye left. Not a forever leaving goodbye since I still have a oneshot coming soon. But until then, goodbye.