Chapter 8: Do You Hate Him?

"Pupunta na ako sa class ko." I told him.

And he nodded at me. Nagkalas na rin ako ng seatbelt at pagkatapos ay lumabas na ako sa sasakyan niya. At umalis na rin si Harrison sa university namin.

Agad din naman akong sinalubong ni Claire pagkadating ko pa lang sa klase namin.

"Vien! Is it true that you're now engaged to Harrison Abella?" she asked me right away.

Pinatahimik ko rin agad si Claire dahil ang lakas ng boses niya at nakukuha nito ang atensyon ng mga kaklase namin sa lecture room.

"Sorry..." she went quiet as well as she lowered her voice when she followed me to my desk.

"But what happened?" she whispered to me.

Binalingan ko naman siya. "It's what you're heard, Claire. I'm now engaged as well... to Harrison Abella." I told her.

Umawang naman ang labi ni Claire habang nakatingin siya sa akin. But as realization came to light on her almost pale face because of her fair skin, she slowly nodded her head like she already got it...

Then I turned to my notes. She probably thinks now that it's just normal as we're not anymore new to such marriage arrangements... Even she herself will be marrying for business and her marriage was just arranged by her parents. Siguro ay inisip na lang din ni Claire na ganoon din ang nangyayari sa akin ngayon...

And since my family's business was somehow also connected to Harrison, too...

And I didn't anymore correct her as well...

I didn't really want to lie to my family and my friend. Pero kasama ito sa kasunduan namin ni Harrison na sekreto lang namin dapat ang tungkol sa usapan namin at wala dapat ibang makaalam bukod lang sa aming dalawa.

Then Harrison also had a formal meeting with all my family members regarding our engagement. He met my grandmother and aunts, too.

"Good evening, hijo! We're so glad to know that you and my precious granddaughter here..." tumingin pa sa akin si lola na para talagang totoong precious nga niya ako na apo gaya ng alam kong sinabi niya lang din ngayon sa harapan ni Harrison.

Pero hindi ko na rin ito pinagtuunan pa ng pansin. Ang mahalaga lang sa akin ngayon ay hindi na niya ako maipapakasal pa kay Maverick!

We had dinner together with my family including my cousins who were children of my aunties. Ang dami nga namin ngayon dito sa bahay at parang nandito na ang buong angkan ng mga De La Cerna.

And over dinner ay na mention pa ang tungkol sa iniwasan ko na lang din sana na topic...

"You know, hijo, we were already just about to agree on marrying our precious Vienna to the son of the Chua family, Maverick Chua. Because we thought that it would be good for her. But I was wrong." Umiling-iling pa si lola na para bang tinanggap nga niya talaga ang pagkakamali niya.

"At kaya pala ayaw niyang maikasal kay Maverick, ay dahil may iba na palang nagugustuhan ang Vienna namin. At ikaw iyon, hijo!" lola gave me a soft-looking smile that it creeped me out just a bit...

Bahagya na lang akong nag-iwas ng tingin.

And then she laughed elegantly. "And I just realized, na kaya mo rin pala tinanggihan ang pagpapakasal sa isa ko pang apo, kay Roseanne, ay dahil mas gusto mo pala ang nakababata niyang kapatid!" then lola chuckled more.

I almost just wanted to sigh...

At nakita ko naman ang hilaw na ngiti rin ni Ate Rosie nang siya naman ang mapag-usapan. Bumaling din ako kay ate at sa akin lang siya totoong ngumiti. Ngumiti rin ako ng lihim sa kaniya. Alam naman kasi namin pareho ang ugali ng lola namin...

And then they started planning for my wedding. And they want a grand traditional one. Kung sa akin naman ay ayos lang nga kahit simple, pero syempre hindi iyon ang gusto ng pamilya ko.

And it's not for me. It's for them. Alam ko na parang gusto lang din nilang ipagmayabang sa ibang mga kakilala nila ang tungkol sa kasal ko...

"Sa simbahan ba talaga tayo magpapakasal?" I asked Harrison when it's just the two of us.

Bumaling naman siya ng tingin sa akin. "Well, ayaw mo ba? That's what your family wants, pero may iba ka bang gusto para sa kasal natin?" tinanong naman niya ako.

And I think that he would consider my opinion more than my family's. Pero umiling na lang din ako sa kaniya. Mapapagod lang din ako na kontrahin pa si lola para sa mga plano nila ng mga tita ko sa kasal namin ni Harrison...

"But I don't want to walk on the aisle with my father..." I said to Harrison.

Tiningnan naman niya ako nang sabihin ko iyon. Bahagya akong nagyuko ng ulo ko...

"Do you not like your father?"

Nag-angat muli ako ng tingin sa tanong niya sa akin.

At hindi rin ako agad nakasagot.

Then I think about it again. When I was young and it was only my mother and I, I also looked for my father back then. And growing up without a father was not easy for me, too. Kaya hinanap ko rin siya pero wala siya roon habang lumalaki ako. And when my mother passed away then I finally got to meet him, I was only disappointed...

Especially after I started realizing that he was not actually the father I thought of him to be. I was disappointed and sad. Lalo na namatay si Mama dahil nagkasakit siya sa pagtatrabaho para sa aming dalawa—dahil iniwan kami ng tatay ko...

Naiintindihan ko naman na may pamilya na siyang tao bago pa man niya nakilala dati si Mama. But he should've been more of a responsible person. At dapat may ginawa pa rin siya sa nangyari sa amin ni Mama...

At hindi rin naman alam ni Mama noon na may asawa na pala siya at anak. He intentionally didn't tell my mother that truth and meaning he lied to her. So that he can use her innocence...

That's why I can't say that I like him...

"Do you hate him?" Harrison asked me again.

Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa pagkatapos ng pangalawang tanong niya sa akin.

Unti-unti naman ang naging pag-iling ko sa tanong niya. Pero hindi ko rin siya masagot nang deretso. No one have ever asked me before if I hate my own father...

I cannot say that I like him, but I also cannot completely say that I hate him...

Siguro noong mas bata pa ako ay masasabi kong talagang hate ko rin siya noon. I have developed my hatred towards him for what I and my mother have been through because of him...

But, then, right now... It's not just hate that I feel towards him... And it's just the feeling of unfamiliarity that I have with my father...

"It's fine. I'll talk to him. You don't have to do it if you don't want to. And just tell me anything else that you don't want. I'll deal with it."

Tumingin muli ako kay Harrison. And somehow his words have calmed me down. And he made me feel reassured.

But then I stopped feeling relaxed when he suddenly asked me about Maverick next...

Nagkatinginan din kaming dalawa nang magsimula niya akong tanungin ng tungkol sa lalaking 'yon.

Author's note: hi! Chapter 18 of With You was already posted in Patreon and/or Facebook VIP Group! To join VIP, kindly message me directly on my Facebook account Rej Martinez or my Facebook page Rej Martinez's Stories. Membership fee is 150 per month. For more questions please message me directly on Facebook! Thank you!