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Chapter 14: The Mother

Anya was just always in her room whenever I'm at home. Umaalis din kasi ako halos araw-araw dahil kailangan ko pang pumasok sa university. Hindi ko naman alam kung paano ang educational system or schedules sa boarding school ni Anya sa London. Pero tingin ko na pinauwi rin siya ngayon dito ni Harrison dahil sinabi ko sa kaniya na gusto kong makita at makilala ang anak niya...

But there was no interaction between us until now. Ayaw ko rin ipagpilitan ang sarili ko kung ayaw ng bata. Kapag naman nand'yan na si Harrison ay bumababa na rin si Anya at nagsasabay kaming tatlo sa pagkain.

And as days passed by, kahit pa nasa university ako at imbes na mag-aral ay hindi ko maiwasan sa sarili ko na mag-isip ng tungkol kay Anya, kay Harrison, at sa Mommy ni Anya...

Isang beses lang may nabanggit sa akin si Manang Lourdes tungkol sa Mommy na Anya. Na ito raw mismo ang nagbigay ng pangalan na Anika Yana kay Anya. At bukod doon ay wala na akong iba pang nalalaman tungkol sa kaniya.

I can't ask Harrison because he already seemed like he didn't want to talk about it yet the last time that I asked him. At sina Manang Lourdes naman, they also seemed hesitant on telling me about Anya's mother...

I sighed. And I was still at the university, and beside me was Claire. Kaya naman narinig din niya ang pagbubuntong-hininga ko. "Is something wrong, Vien?" she asked me.

Tiningnan ko ang kaibigan ko at unti-unti lang akong umiling sa kaniya. Pagkatapos ay naisip kong tanungin na rin siya dahil napag-usapan na rin naman namin dati ang tungkol doon. "Claire, about Harrison's daughter..."

"Oh, yes. I remember, how was it? Did you already meet her?" Claire asked me.

Unti-unti naman akong tumango sa kaniya. "Yes... she's at the house right now..."

Claire's eyes widened a bit. "Really? So, how was it?"

"Uhm, she's a quiet kid. Pero sumasagot naman kapag kinakausap mo..." Minsan kasi ay sinubukan ko na rin siyang makausap din habang nasa dinner kami kasama si Harrison. At sumasagot din naman siya sa konting tanong ko lang din sa kaniya. Pero wala na rin siyang dinadagdag pa sa sinasabi ko sa kaniya...

At hindi rin mas'yadong kinakausap ni Harrison ang anak niya.

"Oh. Pero okay naman?" Claire asked me.

And I just sighed a bit.

"I know, Vien... It might not be the easiest thing to do to become a step mother... But you married Harrison Abella, and you know that he has a daughter..."

Tumango naman ako sa sinabi ni Claire. "I know, Claire..." sabi ko sa kaniya.

"Then... may problema ba?" she asked me again.

Umiling naman ako sa kaniya. "...By the way, Claire, do you know a thing about Harrison's ex? Or Anya's mother..." I asked my friend.

Nagkatinginan kami ni Claire. Pagkatapos ay umiling siya. "I don't really have any idea who's it, Vien. Kung iyon ang tinatanong mo. And I think, wala ring may alam—ang alam lang naman natin na may anak na si Harrison Abella. But he wasn't married... Well, not until you. He married you now." Claire smiled at me.

Tipid na lang din akong ngumiti sa kaibigan ko.

"Hindi mo ba tinanong si Harrison?"

"He seemed hesitant on telling me..." I told her.

"Well, we don't know, Vien..."

Ngayon ay pareho naman kaming nagbuntong-hininga na lang ni Claire. She's right, we don't know about Harrison's past with Anya's mother...

She's probably his ex-girlfriend, since they didn't get married. Then where is she now? Did she just left Anya with Harrison? Did he force her to leave their child to him... What really happened... Or... did she die? Oh my...

Kung saan-saan na napupunta ang utak ko sa pag-iisip ng bagay na ito.

I don't know her face...

Hindi ko kilala kung sino ang Mommy ni Anya. At wala akong alam tungkol sa kaniya.

I can't help it but to be bothered by it a bit...

As something that you don't know about can make you anxious for some reason...

And I can only imagine things. Things like how she was and Harrison. How was Harrison with her. How did he treat her? Mayroong Anya ngayon, because some things happened between them...

What is this, by the way? What am I suddenly feeling...

"Harrison?"

Deretso lang akong pumasok sa kwarto namin pagkauwi ko galing university. Hindi ko alam na nakauwi na rin pala si Harrison at nandito na rin siya ngayon sa kwarto namin. "Nakauwi ka na pala." puna ko.

Tumango naman siya at lumapit pa sa akin. He was looking at me since I arrived here. "Are you okay?" he asked me.

Bumaling naman ako sa kaniya pagkatapos ko lang ilagay na muna roon sa tabi ang bag ko na gamit ko sa university. Bigay din sa akin ito ni Harrison. Isa lang 'to sa mga binigay niya rin na gamit sa akin kahit noong hindi pa kami kasal at nag-uusap pa lang tungkol sa pagpapakasal namin nang panahon na 'yon.

I remember going out with him after my classes at the university back then. We would just eat outside. Or he'd ask me and let his driver or secretary, Diego, to pick me up at my university. Then like the first time, ay pupunta lang ako sa office niya at minsan tatambay na rin doon. I would wait for him until he finishes all his business meetings. And then we would go and eat our dinner out together. We also did shopping together, dahil niyayaya niya rin ako. Kaya naman kung ano-ano na rin ang mga bagay na nabili at nabigay niya sa'kin. There were also some jewelries and expensive bags like this one that I'm using now. I didn't ask him for any of it. But when he gives me something, I just gratefully accept it. Alangan naman tanggihan ko pa, eh, binili na nga niya para s akin. I just thought that he was generous.

We were always together for days and weeks before our wedding. So I can say that I've gotten a bit closer to him, or I was already more comfortable with him before we got wed.

"Uh, yes. I'm okay... Why?"

"Well, you look bothered." he said while looking at my face, na para bang inoobserbahan niya ako.

Umiling lang naman ako sa kaniya. "I'm fine." I just told him.

I was just thinking about Anya's Mom... Tumingin ako kay Harrison pero nag-iwas na lang din ng mga mata ko sa kaniya pagkatapos...

Then I was with Claire again at the university the next days. And she's telling me about what's been bothering her too about her fiancé. "We met his ex at a social event I attended with him. And then there we met his ex-girlfriend. I asked him about her. Pero sabi niya lang sa'kin na matagal na raw 'yon na naghiwalay sila. Pero pakiramdam ko na parang iniiwasan niya lang pag-usapan. And I'm curious, Vien. Kasi naman, she's his ex! S'yempre, they have a history together." she sighed.

At hindi ko rin mapigilan na mapaisip din sa sinasabi ni Claire. Somehow, I feel like we might feel the same... Pakiramdam ko na pareho na kami ng nararamdaman ni Claire...

"But maybe I'm just also feeling petty jealousy..." bahagya naman siyang napasimangot din sa sinabi.

Napaisip din ako uli sa sinabi ni Claire.

Then I thought to myself, well, am I actually feeling some kind of what Claire just said about jealousy? And towards someone who's not even here?

And who am I jealous of? The mother of Anya? What, why? Napailing din agad ako sa sarili ko sa naisip. Why would I be jealous. There's no reason to feel that way. Tsk. What am I even thinking? Why am I thinking like this now? I don't understand myself sometimes these days...

Siguro ay naaapektuhan lang din ni Claire ang isip ko ngayon dahil sa sinasabi niya tungkol sa sarili niya at sa fiancé niya.

Because why would I be feeling jealous? Of what? And why? I don't really see the point. There's no reason for me to feel like how Claire was feeling. Si Claire lang iyong nakakaramdam ng gano'n ngayon. At hindi ako. Definitely not me, because... why? I just sighed to myself. I'm overthinking.

But, sometimes, these days, I feel like I don't quite understand myself...

And sometimes I feel like I was already contradicting my own self...