{Don't say I didn't warn you~!}

Chapter 3
The Thin Ice That is Wendy Marvell's Mind

Wendy's P.O.V

Today was my birthday.

I don't really mind spending it alone, I mean, I have for five years... It's just that, well, I don't know how I should celebrate. The first year I was alone, my birthday came so slowly. It was a horrible time for me.

That first year, I felt like I was suffocating in the dark. I was stuck in a deep, bottomless pit of sorrow and anger. That was the year I changed. I was this depthless pit of fury, rage and hatred towards the world I had convinced myself was evil. It wasn't that I blamed anyone, overall I blamed myself, but I was alone. I was alone, and simmering in wrath of the deepest, darkest, and most misdirected kind.

That year, I celebrated my birthday by trying to lite my world on fire. It didn't work, all light in that darkness suffocated, like me. So, instead, I sat down on the floor, wrapped my arms around my knees and screamed as loud as I could. I blamed everyone, I blamed myself, and in those few moments of silence after that breathless screaming, I spoke the first pure, unbreakable words I'd ever spoken in my life, the ones I was driven by.

"I'm not giving up on myself. I won't torture myself. I won't be weak anymore. I will cry and break and tear down the world, but I'm no longer weak. I won't give up."

The second year was better, that's the year I developed my 'motto' that I said every night before I slept. That year, I celebrated my birthday by writing down all the memories I'd ever made, by drawing portraits of all my friends. I hung them up, and then I gazed at them for the whole night.

Once my birthday was over, I ripped those pieces of my life to shreds and burnt them in a bonfire of paper. You know why? Because I can't dwell on the past, I couldn't rely on others light. I needed my own.

The third year, I gazed at a cloudless, uncolored sky of infinite nothingness. It was a sea, an infinite sea of faces from my past that I couldn't let go. I recited names and places and then, with those feelings and memories in mind, I wrote a spell. If you have an infinite sea of nothingness, then it's also an infinite sea of possibilities. So I sat down, and poured my heart into magic words.

The forth year, I blew up. It was for pleasure, really, to feel something, anything. The whole time, I was laughing, I probably looked crazy. I got into a stance and the wind whipped around me. It hurt, it snapped and cracked and chilled my soul until I felt like I was some frozen statue. Ice incased my feet, my legs, my heart. All that was left was a goal to feel some emotion. That night, I sent an ice cold tornado of emotion onto my small, spaceless world, and it tore apart like a thin sheet of paper. Then I grinned at the destruction, at the death of my world.

The fifth year, I sat in silence. I sat, and stared at the limitless sky and then...well, then I let out a wailing, heart wrenching scream that would chill anyone to the bone. Because I was done, that was the night when I let everything I had held in my heart since the moment I arrived in my spaceless, lonely world, go. I opened my mouth, and then there was nothing I could do to stop the torrent of emotions. I didn't stop for what felt like an eternity, but when I did, I took a deep breath and I stood up. I stood up and looked at that empty sky again with what I could only assume was a face full of grief, loneliness, longing and hope.

I wasn't screaming because of that grief and loneliness and longing, I was screaming because I still had hope. That hope that I held onto like it was my last chance to live, that's what killed me. That hope that I so desperately clung to ruined me for five years, until I opened my eyes to a clear blue sky and stared in wonder. All the time I stared at that sky, I was seeing me. Me, from five years ago. That little girl with so much life and love, that girl who had so much to live for.

I stared into the eyes of that young, trembling, beautiful girl and all I could think was....

Is that really me?

And it wasn't, no, that wasn't me. That girl up there with a smile on her face and shimmering eyes full of love wasn't me. That was someone to make proud. That was someone I needed to hold onto, even if I let go of my past, I needed that little girl. That amazing little girl.

Tonight, I let her go.

My guild mates, those people in my past, they're stuck on that proud little girl with those eyes of hope. They see her, but she's not me. That's someone else, someone I need to prove myself to. If I hold on to that little girl, they're never going to see the girl before them.

The girl with sorrow and pain and grief to rival the memories of the loneliest people. The girl who isn't strong, isn't brave, who has a depthless, tornado-like pit of rage and sadness and anger that can be brought to order with a few sarcastic comments and a grin. That's me.

And this year, for my birthday, I sat alone and gazed at a sky full of light. Shimmering colors that I'd thought I'd never see again twinkled before me and mirrored my hope and that little girl I'd held onto for so long.

And as a breeze of cold, bone chilling wind swept by, I closed my eyes and let my tears fall. As the sun rose, I dried my eyes and looked over a forest of white snow and bare branches. With a breath, I let my memories go, my rage go, my sorrow, my anger, my unwavering rage, my past, I let it all go. And near the end, I also let my hope go, for it was only a string pulling me. I won't rely on that string, for when it's gone, there won't be anything left to grasp. I need to learn to live without those strings. So, Fairy Tail..... That little girl you knew, before.....the young girl made of unlimited happiness....I don't know where along the way we split, but.....

She's gone.

{1144! We have now seen a glimpse of Wendy's mind and past....

I'm just....lemme go cry...

I'm sorry my mind is dark...okay? I've just....I'm not emotionally unstable, I'm just....

I'm a dark, free-spirited author who loves to right about dark emotions and thoughts, m'kay?}