5-3-16
These sheets lie with me on those insomniac nights.
The ceiling seems to hold the world,
My head seems to hold a hurricane of words and questions during those hours.
It always leaves me with dark circles and a hangover of intellect and emotion.
I try to write it out,
I try to write carefully,
But it's always so messy.

Somehow something glows in the dark enough for silhouettes to be visible.
Everything falls silent and I wait it out,
Anxiously counting down hours between starry sheets.

What did tonight leave me with?

• I think you left a void in me,
And I'm realizing nothing fixes that void.

• I'm not alive, so far from it.

• Medicine doesn't come in a bottle,
No,
It comes in eyes and freckles and lips, oh god, those lips are better than anything a doctor could throw me.

• perhaps pushing it down is best,
The routine of this is almost soothing.

• don't trust people who don't look like they're a castle of secrets they've come to know.

• dreams are more spiritual than you think

• you can be so so lonely next to a body, a person who's skeleton is cold to the touch

• I'm terrified that you'll realize you've never lost control over my emotions, I know exactly how you can use that

• you changed me, i understood this in October (god that feels like yesterday) and I'm seeing now how you're changing, but not because of me. Love can be so dark

• knowledge is power and perhaps I'm a control junkie

• I've become a monster.
- (m.m)