4-22-16
Am I real?
What's real?
My body can withstand anyhing.
Is my reflection real?
I'm a human,
I walk around.
This is me.
I'm not present.
- (m.m)

4-21-16
I've got this feeling in my stomach.
I can't ignore these emotions in my head,
How on fire I feel,
How desperately bad I want to scream and punch something,
How the future, this reality I'm going to wake up to is going to be so fucking hard,
How badly I want to just cry and stop hiding behind the pain,
Stop bottling it up,
Stop avoiding the truth and getting depressed and apathetic,
Stop the noise inside my head.

The bass ricochets through my bones,
I don't care,
Let it shatter them.
Sometimes I think of when I wanted to say I've been through something,
I wanted my life to stop being dull.
I got my wish.
I've been through so so much,
And I love these emotions,
Don't let them leave,
but sometimes I don't know how I'm gonna make it through the future,
And it scares me what I'm so vulnerable to, sometimes.

I love this noise,
I love the racket of everything,
but the quiet isn't bad.
I just need to sort everything out.
I suppose I could hold it back,
Like I've been doing,
Watch it all crash down on me in one giant wave.

When you grow up a certain way,
When you see certain things,
When you experience certain events,
You're different.
You look at the world differently.

What's inside my head is a poet's gold strike,
Emotion emotion emotion, everywhere.

My head hurts,
It doesn't really stop.
This headache, this migraine, has been here for awhile.
If my thoughts would shut up,
It'd be easier.

The dark circles under my eyes-
Do they say too much?
The stitches at my lips-
Are they really there?
The blood everywhere-
Does it stain too dark?
The life I live-
Is it a hallucination?
The world inside my eyes-
Do you see how dark it's been?
(Favorite part ^^^)

Tell me everything I'll never be.
Slam every fucking door in this house,
Let the words ring through these windows.
Tear these last few seams the fuck apart,
I don't even know how to aide this kind of pain.

MAYBE THEN I'LL BE ENOUGH FOR YOU.
MAYBE SOMEDAY YOU'LL FUCKING BE PROUD OF ME.
IMAGINE THAT.

I don't want to talk to anyone right now,
Just let me sit inside my head.
I hate the people I talk to idek.

I'm content just feeling,
Having emotions,
I don't need to rip myself apart right now,
I don't need to do anything right now,
I just keep holding these things back,
Hiding behind everything.
I've never felt so alone in a long fucking time.
I don't belong anywhere but to myself,
A property of my head.
I'm so goddamn alone.
I can't admit half of what goes on inside my mind.
- (m.m)