1-10-16 forty nine days clean
You don't miss me and my blue heart
But god, I miss you and your black heart,
The one that matched the color of my lungs.
I found my hands to be painted charcoal after I touched you but it's my favorite shade so it's okay.

It'll always be I still love you with no I love you back.
It'll always be I need you with a soul that will put our love to the depths of her mind,
Pretend it never existed.

That hurts.

It'll always be I tried too much and you don't care anymore.
It'll always be I'm sorry. I'll try harder I promise to disappoint me once again.

I'll always play your games and I'll always love you just the same
But there's a reason I call you 'change'.
The tides of your mind aren't stable for me to walk on,
(After all you're the goddess here)
You've dissipated within yourself.

I can't keep doing this.
It claws at me.
I need you.
Please, just tell me you love me.

I'm sick of running in circles,
Watching you show up just to leave.

I'm sick of sitting here patiently,
Waiting for you to love me.

I'm sick of missing the shelter
To everything that caused my anxiety.

I'm sick of seeing everything beautiful within you
While you watch me bleed.

I'M SICK OF SCREAMING
THAT YOU'RE ALL I NEED
JUST TO BE
WRAPPED IN A SEDUCTIVE INVISIBILITY,
NOT EXISTING BRIGHT ENOUGH FOR YOU TO SEE.
- (m.m)