3-31-16
Cigarette smoke hangs heavy in the air,
I trace the blood stains on your couch with my fingertips.
The room feels hot and alive,
And you linger all over my body.

The days are getting long, /dreary/.
I've gotta keep this fucking light on,
It's the only thing keeping me awake.
I think im shutting down,
I think my body is telling me I can't keep doing this.
I don't know how to listen,
I've spent my whole life with my ears covered.
My head keeps fucking with me.
A classroom surrounds me but all that's in my head are thoughts,
And these thoughts feel so /tired/, so heavy.
I wish it could rain all day,
Flood this whole city.
I wish I could run but my legs would collapse underneath me.
I can't lose you,
I'll sleep all the time- I can't see a world without you.

These headlights and the rain in a city that I can only connect to you and my roots,
I think that ache will be there forever.
I'll see so much
Without you.
And that makes me question if it's worth it anymore.

Im running, hiding from the things I have to face,
Lying to my family,
Losing sleep,
Counting down hours, counting down days,
Counting counting counting,
Filling myself with dread.

The atmosphere of that room can't be recreated.
Please tell me I can get out.

Baby all I have are blood stains and cigarette smoke
But not a trace of you.
- (m.m)

I feel so tired and far away,
Surviving feels impossible.
I think im sinking.
God I'm so sorry.
I'm not fireproof,
Im not okay-
I can't even admit that.
I'm working on being okay,
I really am,
I just need about two years of sleep.
- (m.m)