3-22-16
Drop the anxiety and the bullshit,
Drop my life and all of its futuristic promises,
The two don't coexist well.
It's making for one hell of a mess.
I'm trying,
So hard,
To make the mess into art,
And I swear I know more than the color red,
I know white and silvery purple,
I just erased those.
I know the colors of your face,
And if you were a Crayola crayon,
Your label would read 'Beautiful'.
I know the colors of my own head,
The inside is absolutely extravagant,
I promise,
You just can't see the inside of it.

You know, someday I'm going to run out of words to talk about the same things,
And that's okay,
I don't mind repeating myself if it cures the ache and strings me together.

I need to bring myself back down
Because honesty and confession hurts
When you can't face your own reflection and face a relapse
With a sense of authentic reality.

Take me to the floors of my head,
Push the buttons in the elevator,
Go all the way up.
Hell, with this state of mind,
I'd be on top of the world and still look to make sure it's a high enough fall from here.

Stop this shit,
The noise of this battle tells me I could easily lose,
But the fire at my fingertips when I type these words will say otherwise and it's so conflicting.

Calm down, Meranda. Breathe. You've got so much to throw away, but would you rather have an empty bottle in your hands or the hand of someone who says your music saved their life? Your future holds a lot of Let's See Where It Goes and Trust Fate, and that's okay. Just hold on. Stop listening to the music you're listening to currently, throw on Throne or something that sparks up the circuits in your head with inspiration. Please don't do this. Breathe. You don't have to hand addiction the match that will burn you down. Think about how far you've come, and how many people you've reached already. Think about everyone who's ever commented on your poetry and what they carry with them after reading your work. Slow down. Bring yourself (the horizon) back down, put your feet on solid ground. You've made it so far. Which one of your brothers do you want to end up like? Just get through it. It's okay if you give in. You can start over any day. What happens happens and leave it in that minute of your life and move on. You're gonna get through this. You're destructive, but you're artistic and that balances out nicely, even if you can't handle this shit. Breathe breathe breathe. You know what you're doing. You know how to get out. Don't do this shit. Don't go down this road again. You're worth it. Think about all of the people you love in your life. You need to stay.
- (m.m)
^^^ literally all of this update is me ranting about what's in my head but I suppose that's not new with my poetry, now is it? Haha I just want to say thank you, I don't thank you guys enough, you give me a purpose. I love you.

"I've said it before and I'll say it again. I don't know why you fucking picked me but thank you" -halsey (I couldn't have worded it better but that's me to you)

I don't have to have a stage for you guys to already make an impact in my life. I will love you just the same no matter if there's 3,000 of you or just 3. I love you, nothing will change that. Thank you.