54; Memorization/I've Spent Too Much Time In My Head To Be Human

3-13-16
It feels weird looking back,
Like I'm watching a movie I've never seen before,
Yet the memories flood back as they play out on the screen.
I know every detail of a lot of the days I've seen.

I'm an observer, that much makes sense,
but I never intended to feel like an outsider to my own life.

I'm watching everything,
Studying it carefully.
I can't get these things out of my head.

The days I've witnessed haunt me,
and I like it.
I memorize everything almost instinctively,
I'm obsessive over life and watching things live and survive and be artistic simply by existing and forming relationships and being human.
The people surrounding me can't tell I'm an outsider,
Hell, I don't even feel like one most days,
Or maybe I just accept it.
My natural habitat is my head,
and nobody can see the inside.
I've gotta be a different species,
I don't doubt that.

Numbers and words are my closest companions.
I can sense numbers before they tumble out of your mouth,
Numbers are the easiest to memorize,
Odd numbers make me feel strangely satisfied like the opposite of a stereotypical OCD case (don't listen to society, OCD is often so much different).
Numbers feel like security, almost.
Words aren't as easy to memorize but they're really not hard.
Words are more creative than numbers but the two intertwine somewhere in my head.

As I'm trying to forget things that won't go away,
I curse my goddamn memory,
All I want is to erase the pain.
The ghosts at my ceiling started to talk back,
Our conversations are intimate,
Your figure is black.
I accept what I've seen,
It's not all glamorous,
But if I've gotta carry it with me
We might as well make peace.
So shake my hand
The way the devil does
and let's dance.

I can't tell if I'm genius or insane,
Maybe both, maybe neither.

I'm not human,
Not quite superhuman.
- (m.m)

Wow I got into that. I'm so glad I found the right wording for that tbh, I've wanted to make poetry out of it for awhile but never had the words so it just sat in my head. Now, when I write I'm in another dimension, but I love poems,etc, like this, where I get really invested, because it's such an adrenaline rush, like wow I just can't even lol comment if you'd like, I'm curious to see what you guys think of this tbh

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