7-27-16
Maybe the curve of your lips
Measures something like trouble.
I don't care what angle you're seeing me from,
Or if you'd rather have a better view,
I know what I want.

Maybe we're just a couple of punk kids
In a dead ass town,
It's the story book plotline.
We run around and leave scars,
Make them ourselves.
We're dodging death
Escaping flatlines
Chasing some poetic high.

Maybe our energies swirl together.
And I know that kind of thing leads to tornadoes
And hurricanes
And dizzy eyes.
But let's let the sirens chase the chaos,
While we stay on top of the city,
Watching the lights,
Even if it's just tonight.

I don't trust maybes,
Yet I've trusted lies and bodies that reek of bad intentions (the cologne didn't cover that up by the way)
I've trusted words that cut me,
I've trusted knives and bottles and I've trusted myself.
So a maybe doesn't look too bad, I guess.
And I wouldn't mind if you end up being something I shouldn't have trusted.
I like trouble.

I'll love so much it's illegal.
I wouldn't believe you if you told me rebellion is lethal
Because within a revolution,
There's good intention.
And my intentions are always better than they seem, for the most part.
Even so, there are a few exceptions there.
Do you feel what I feel
When you take a breath of night air
Do you inhale it like you did the smoke
Or the scent of her hair?
Or are you lucky enough to love
And not link that to heaven above
Because she's everywhere
Besides in you.
And maybe my body's confused but my head sees a green light.

Bounce off the curb,
Throw some ash,
and meet broken voice-mails.

Smirks and eyes swimming in lust,
Tell me how you got into my house at 5am,
Tell me how I didn't wake up (slamming doors is usual I suppose).
You smell like alcohol and she smells nothing like she used to,
And it's a bit odd how ironic this situation is.

And I'm sleep deprived,
I stop and have to listen to the lyrics,
Close my eyes,
Let them take me in,
Into a world where I'm safe.
It's hard to focus
But this is what I want.

Feeling like the decisions I have to make aren't entirely mine
Like flip a coin, heads or tails on a dime
Maybe I'm apathetic,
She says I'm pathetic.
But she's wasting her time,
Cause I don't care at all, I promise that's no lie.
Is it a little strange nobody looks me in the eyes
And asks me, "why?
What went wrong?
Was there a problem you couldn't fix through a pen and a song?"
And the answer's no.

One thing ive learned is that people change,
Just like the goddamn seasons.
But people stay stuck in their ways.
People become what you never thought they'd be.
Like suddenly you're looking at your life
Thinking damn I never saw that coming
and your heart aches for what you can't have
Your heart aches for the days you hated.
I'm not ready to open my eyes
and wake up
Wake up to cold sheets
(They don't smell like you or alcohol anymore)
Cold sheets without you
I've lost you
But lovely you've lost you, too,
And that name makes me want to throw up.
Somebody stop it all
Because it's that time of year
I know it's all ending,
But it's not the season
It's the fact that you lost youre only reason,
And you. dont. care.
Don't you realize every night I stayed awake anxious,
Followed by every morning I woke up and loved you.
I carried the weight of being your savior on my shoulders
and I knew I couldn't do it,
but I loved you through all of the bullshit.
I don't love you.
I love the you I used to know.
I'm the only one mourning that loss.
I've got so much to say,
Please just stop and let me talk,
Pretend it means something to you for two seconds.
Pretend you didn't throw us down the drain.

Cigarettes don't make me think of you.
They used to.
Now, I seemlessly inhale it and
Only sometimes do the memories come.
It's like I lived so fast and nobody told me I crashed
Because I'm still pushing myself to keep going.
A couple limbs are dragging behind me,
But I'm just waiting until I can get my momentum back.

I've met so many bodies,
I lost track of who I'm writing about.

And it fucking hurts because if I could go back
To who you used to be,
I'd do it.
Fuck, I would've called,
When we'd just mention random things about our day,
We didn't have to pick a conversational topic,
It just was.
I would've snuck out to meet you every damn night.
I wouldn't have waited to kiss you the first time.
Because Otherside is playing again
(You haven't ruined that song for me yet, though)
And all I want is to swing on that swing,
and right before I fall back down,
Pause for those two seconds,
And watch the snowflakes in the air pause, too,
Waiting for you.
I'd go back to kisses in hot church bathrooms,
Breathing in your cologne (I didn't mind that that wasn't feminine, I didn't fucking care),
Holding on tightly.
I miss when you had time for me.
I miss you,
and I've fucked up,
You know all about it.
But you don't know it
And you don't know me.
I wish I could go back to caring about numbers so much,
Getting a high from MGK songs,
Because my free time is too abundant these days,
I've got too much time,
I miss not having enough,
I guess thats where I'm comfortable.
I don't need screenshots to remember you,
You're in my veins,
Screaming through the empty hallways,
and I'm okay with that.
Fill the void.

How can I miss someone while I love someone else?
We'll just skip over the mess of "friends with benefits" for a week, and a couple other bodies claiming to love me, or mine,
But it's too blurry to click into place.

You know what?
Let the bodies hit the floor,
Let them fall through the rafters,
We'll all melt together on the floor,
Mixing densities and hues.
- (m.m)

That's a lot holy shit. I have so much to say yet none of it knows where to go until I get an open door and lately they've all been slamming shut (quite literally too).