That poem I was excited about updating? Hahahahahaha it's gone hahaha I'm a dumbass hahaha I'm internally dying:)
Okay for real though. My everything is deleted now, all data on my phone and tablet. Why? Don't worry about that xD long story short, karma is a mother fucking bitch. Like I just gotta start over.

7-25-16
There's change on my bed
Next to tags and receipts we haven't spent.
Revenge is sweet,
But so sweet it makes you sick.
I'm a sucker for trouble,
Causing it is addictive already.
So much more addictive than the nicotine.
Pavement and confession
Conversations with cops
and culprits.

So many bodies living their day to day lives
Unaware of what's locked inside of my head.
That's what I can't erase with the click of a button..
Sometimes I'm afraid it'll happen,
And I'll forget everything,
But somewhere inside of myself,
I know I can't forget so much of it.
What do you see in my eyes?
Tell me I'll lay my life down on the table
Like a fucking deck of cards,
And you'll realize what I've been through.

I've got luck on my side,
and when he told me I was his good luck charm
He didn't know he should've meant it
Because I've got these numbers in my head,
I know what I'm doing.
Did he think I was special when he whispered real low
That I mean the world to him
While his hands explored my body.
I know exactly what he's doing.

I don't write like I did a year ago.
I don't write in clean lines of sweet poetry.
This isn't clean,
This is dark,
This is honest,
This is what I know.

I'm pissed off,
Some mess of angry teenage rebellion.
Is this really where this road was supposed to lead?
Breaking things hasn't proved to do me much good
But it's all I want,
It's all I need.
I don't know what it's like to have control anymore.
And I'm okay with that.
Because this is what I've made for myself,
I can't hate my life.

How hard is it to stay when shit gets difficult?
Why can't more people do that?

I'm not dependent
But right now I'm looking for a reason not to fuck these streets up.
The ones back home have seen it,
They expected it.
- (m.m)

Months and months and months just gone without much of a trace.
Nice going, Meranda.