123; Noose
7-11-16
There's a noose around my neck,
But the constant supply of anxiety doesn't slow down.
I'm choking,
Give me the oxygen we both know I need.
My life is pressing up against my body like concrete walls,
Suffocating me until every ounce is staining
Blood red.
I'm screaming whatever lyrics stay,
Everything is running from my head space
(Who pulled the fire alarm?).
It's all crashing down,
From both of my parents to Hunter to losing her to cheating to swallowing the truth like they're my fucking pills (it came back up in a bloody mess) to Lead You On to the cuts my brothers don't want to see.
Oh god this rope is getting tighter
Oh god oh god oh god
I can't breathe
Please get me out
He wouldn't love me if he knew I had this side to me,
How many people really would??
I cough up your name
You're like a thousand needles on my skin
My ribs are shattering,
My bones are breaking.
THE REPLACEMENTS AREN'T CUTTING IT FUCK I NEED YOU. YOU TOLD ME TO MEET YOU AT THE PLACE WITH DIRTY WALLS ON ROOFING NIGHT AND I KNOW WHERE THAT'S AT AND I'VE GOTTA TALK TO YOU ABOUT THINGS YOU HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IN PERSON AND GOD THAT DOESN'T SOUND GOOD AND I JUST NEED TO GO BACK BECAUSE I'M BARELY BREATHING AND NOBODY SEES I'M FUCKING FALLING BECAUSE THEY'D TRY TO CATCH ME AND NOTHING HELPS, IT'S ALL JUST DARK BENEATH ME AND THE PANIC DOESN'T LEAVE AND PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE MORE THAN A TOXIN WHEN YOU ENTER MY BODY, BUT THINGS ARE GETTING BLURRY AND IT'S SO DEBATABLE. I'M HAVING WITHDRAWALS FROM YOU.
IT'S ALL CATCHING UP TO ME AND THE BRICKS KEEP COMING FUCK I DON'T KNOW WHEN I'LL BE ABLE TO BREATHE IT'S SUCH A DANGEROUS THING TO BE AROUND ME RIGHT NOW, OH GOD I'M ONLY GOING TO HURT YOU AND WHETHER THAT'S PHYSICALLY OR MENTALLY DOESN'T MATTER I'M IN THE MOOD TO FUCKING DESTRUCT.
IT'S ALL I CAN DO TO JUST SCREAM THE LYRICS AND OH MY GOD THE TRAIN'S GOING BY. "I HEARD THE TRAIN SHAKE THE WINDOWS, YOU SCREAMED OVER THE SOUND" PTV WAS YOUR FAVORITE AND FUCK I NEED TO BREAK SOMETHING ANYTHING GODDAMN IT I'M GONNA SCREAM SO LOUD I CAN'T TALK FOR TWO DAYS AND MAYBE THAT'LL SATISFY SOMETHING IDFK
I CLENCH MY FISTS AND SCREAM I JUST FUCKING SCREAM. IT'S ALL BULLSHIT, BECAUSE HE HAS NO IDEA I'LL NEVER LOVE HIM LIKE I LOVE YOU AND HE'LL NEVER KNOW ANY OF THIS HAPPENS. YOU'LL NEVER KNOW HOW BAD I NEED YOU. YOU'LL NEVER KNOW THE SUBSTANCES AND THE PEOPLE DON'T FILL THIS VOID AND I'M SO FUCKING PISSED AND ANXIOUS AND I JUST NEED TO SCREAM SOME MORE AND I'M HOLLOW AND I DON'T EVEN THINK I NEED YOU THAT BAD ANYMORE, I'M LIVING WITHOUT YOU. BUT THIS ROPE IS WHISPERING IT'S OVER, IT'S ALL OVER. TAKE ME.
- (m.m)
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