Written 7-8-16
I take off my boots
And slip into sheets
That don't smell anything like you.
These little glimpses
Of human interaction,
Holding onto every hug too tightly,
Hoping maybe I'd open my eyes
And you wouldn't be gone.
I'm alive without you,
I've come to realize that
I don't need you to keep living.
But perhaps my head would feel
A little less hazy
If you were underneath me.
Perhaps my bones would
be quieter
If i wasn't pissed all the time.
Maybe words wouldn't hurt so much
and the numbing sensation would go away a little.
I feel like anger is a slap to the face,
And I've been getting slapped in the face nonstop
for days on end.
When it's over,
My face feels tingly and numb,
And I feel like that,
Until I get slapped again.
Again and again and again,
You're relentless.

So I'll bury myself in these blankets,
Throw the pillows,
and clench my fists,
I've been looking for
Something that feels like this
Apathy is full of deceit
But maybe apathy
Is just what I need.
You know how my nights end,
You know how
Toxicity is my best friend.
Memories stick to my ceiling,
Right next to the forgotten feelings.
And maybe it's about time I pick myself up.
- (m.m)