7-1-16
I've spent too many nights recently awake
Or i guess you call them mornings.
you see, lately,
you've drifted into my head space and taken over.
You're hanging onto every skin cell,
Close, too, clinging like the water that runs over me
In a hotel shower (but you're gone).
You're haunting my thoughts.
I do believe I don't know how to hate you,
Can't you see that?
I love you through the bullshit.

I've never been too good at writing poems
That are so cliche like this.
And although it can't possibly hurt worse,
It's not dark enough,
Morbid enough,
For my taste right now.

Phone calls (once a day, if I'm lucky (Your voice puts me together, please just let me hear it. I'm begging you.))
And red ink.
Empty bottles (difference between you and I is that I'm sober and you're not. You're the only addiction i need. The blade won't bring you back. The pills won't bring you back, I'll wake up on the floor to reality.)
And porch talks.
Machine gun kelly and memories.
At the end of the day,
All I really have is the music.
That's the truth of it.
I can't even be poetic right now,
I'm just talking to you.
My sister tells me it must kill me to have the insight I have,
To look at life like i do,
And oh god aren't all artists sad or something?
What we love kills us ("what is love? Love is pain. Love is butterflies and stomach aches" -swing life away // mgk and SWS)
She says I've taught her to love the world
and what's around you because it won't last forever.
I've taught her to not be afraid,
Do what you want,
To accept your emotions
and watch people.
To stand up and fight.
She says everyone must see this and that
She sees pieces of me in the people I surround myself with
But what she isn't ready to admit is that
Not all eyes see that,
It takes a certain amount of intelligence to notice that shit.
She lives with me,
She should see all of that so clearly
Yet it surprises me she's learned my dynamics,
She actually picked up on it.
My goal?
I don't stop affecting people,
That all of you learn from me and my mistakes
And I'll do the same with you.
She says I'm the kind of person with a thirst for knowledge.
Let's get to know each other.

This poem isn't about you anymore.
You don't leave my sleepy head (I've been oversleeping, though)
But I gotta stay strong.
I don't stop living without you
I don't stop writing without you
I didn't let my world orbit around you.
It's gonna get sad and it's gonna get dark
But I'm alive.
And the music won't leave,
I won't stop writing.
I'm exhausted thinking about you.
- (m.m)