5-25-16
You make me feel less than human,
But we all know that's never something I've been anyways.
Two chords and a smile on a stage are saving me tonight.
The depths of this ocean are deep, and dark,
Black like tar.
I'm watching a movie as the whole plot plays out and I'm not sure where it's going, all I know is in a year, the image has found life, but is darker than a funeral.
Truth is, my life started the day i met Anthony, and it's only gotten better, even if he doesn't mean what he used to mean to me (my life isn't centered around him).
- (m.m)

Started that last night and I just finished it up idk my thoughts have changed so drastically since then, so my mindset is different idk

5-26-16
Can't anyone see that beauty lies in things beyond forms of life? Death is a mysterious, intriguing, destructive, beautiful thing.
- (m.m)

Oh god these walls know too much,
Leaving is like a knife to my chest,
Knowing what fake reality I'll have to be familiar with,
Knowing the lies I'll swallow for you (I can't quite see how the sacrifices I make for you even out to the ones you make for me, when do I stop chasing your fucked up world around in circles? When do I stop covering for you, and let them know the truth?)

It makes me want to scream that I've never been important enough for you, I've never been enough for you in general, drop the specifics- I'm the one obsessed with detail here.
I know exactly where your priorities lie and I've never been at the top of that damn list.
To tell you the truth, I don't care about you anymore,
I'm so fucking angry at you, when does this end?
And maybe that's why I've been listening to rap because these fucking rappers know what it's like and you scream at me to turn that shit off but I don't and I never will so you're blasting rock and roll from the kitchen and I'll let you do that. You throw me down for accepting myself, you make me something I'm not. But today, I say FUCK YOU.
I'm self sustaining,
I'm beyond my years,
I'm something you're not proud of and maybe that's what I should learn to accept.
You're what's triggering me.
But i take a pair of broken scissors and I cut the wires leading you to the control panel.
I don't deserve the cuts on my legs I don't deserve the cuts on my legs I don't deserve the cuts on my legs
I reprogram and adapt to the absolute absence of you in my head. You're here physically, I can't change that, but you will not leak into the best place I know. How does it feel to be disconnected like me?
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU YOU WON'T HOLD ME DOWN TONIGHT BECAUSE I'M SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT AND I'M SO SICK OF LETTING YOU SINK ME, I KNOW MY WAY TO THE BOTTOM THANKS, I'LL BE THERE WHEN I WANT TO BE THERE, I'LL BE THERE WHEN I HAVE TO BE THERE BUT RIGHT NOW, I'M DONE WITH YOU AND WHAT YOU'VE DONE. I GET TOO CAUGHT UP IN YOUR SHIT SHOW AND YOU'RE NOT MY MESS TO CLEAN UP. AT LEAST NOT IN THIS SECOND .
- (m.m)

For my mom, although she'll never read this, and she'll never be able to understand things from my perspective. That poem turned oddly inspirational, the power writing gives me is crazy.

Also hi I love you guys so so much