| Eleanor |

The past one week had been nothing but a combination of heartache, headache, disbelief and in total denial.

After the emotional rollercoaster that day. . .I hibernated  in my humble apartment and refused to come out since one week. So coped up with everything surrounding me, I didn't pick Willow's call. .not even my mother's frantic back to back calls.

I had this huge load on my shoulders, I could feel it in my bones. All I did this week was just lay on bed and stare at the ceiling.

Contemplating what he said.

What I did.

What Dean said.  .

The confession—

Closing my eyes, I laid a hand over my stomach. I couldn't think of that word let alone talk it out.

Ryan, my twisted broken Ryan.  .

A sob broke out from my mouth and the dead room suddenly had noises. My shoulders shook and I let it all out.

Everything I had been holding inside came tumbling out. And the sobs turned into me calling out his name.

Over and over again.

My heart ached.

I had never felt this empty in my entire existence. A hollow gap had opened up in the middle of my heart. .it was sucking in the life out of me.

One dark thought after another. .

I took the screwdriver and did his brakes. .

Feeling claustrophobic, I sat up. . pushing my hair off my face. My nose burned up and my eyes stung. .

I don't care if I live in hell as long as you live in heaven

Getting up from the bed, I took my cellphone and slipped it in the back of my jeans pocket and then I dashed outwards.

I had to get answers.

From the same place I lost my everything.

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As the cab hailed away, I looked up at the blinking Harrison Tower looking as sleek as ever. The whole world moved at same pace I had left it one week ago.

How was it the world kept moving when I had stopped?

I was burning and the world didn't give a shit.

Welcome to the reality, Eleanor!

Walking towards the building, I kept my head low because I knew I had red eyes and under eye bags.

The chapped skin and lips were an added cherry on the top. I didn't want the security to analyze my drug addict like state.

Getting in, I didn't bother going towards the reception. I knew my way around and my steps were hurried.

I went straight at the lift and pushed the button, opening it up.

The man inside tipped his hat at me.

And I nodded with a grimace, lately no one could get anything out of me . .not even a smile.

I didn't have it in me.

After few minutes, the doors opened and I knew the man had given me a curious look because .  .the second I got out. .I started to run.

Run and run until I was standing in front of his door.

Breathless, I rang the doorbell and kept pushing it.

Not at all letting it breath.

I had a feeling. .if I didn't get my answers . .I don't know what I would do to the world.

"Coming!"

Came a very pissed off voice and then the door was wrenched open.

Revealing a very agitated Dean.

Opening his mouth to insult.

But I pushed at his chest , he stepped back tensely and i got in.

Shutting the door behind me , I turned around at him.

Dean sighed in a dejected way.

As if he knew. .

"I knew you would come." He said softly, shocking me.

"You—you knew." I spluttered.

He didn't answer, instead he gave me his back and walked towards the room whose door was slightly ajar. .

Quietly, I followed him knowing well he couldn't harm me in any way.

Dean pushed the door open and I kind of hesitated because it was his intimate space and I heard him talking to someone. .who didn't sound male.

A soft female voice and immediately all the red flags fell away and I too entered the—bedroom.

With a pretty petite brunette sitting on the edge of the bed.

Fully clothed, that I was thankful for.

As soon as she saw me, her lips went up into an unwilling smile . .

"She's?" I asked Dean who had occupied the couch placed against the wall, my eyes on the girl.

"Daisy, my fiance."

Oh.

I nodded at her. "Nice to meet you." My manners popped out.

"You too." She blushed and I couldn't help but feel like—i knew her. She had the kind of vibes. .

"She knows everything. You don't need to act around her." Dean quipped while Daisy patted the space beside her, offering me a seat.

"Thanks but no." I declined as politely a so could. I went and leaned against the wall , my eyes going back and forth between them.

"What do you want to know?" He cut to the chase and I was thankful for that.

"Did you. . . talk to him?" I asked.

His green eyes stared at me.

"Planning to." He quipped not divulging into explanations.

I straightened up.

"What do you mean planning to—,"

"Relax." He rolled his eyes. " Just because you love him doesn't mean you gotta jump up to defend him at every given chance."

My anger was threatening to spill but I pushed it back.

"I'll defend him till there's nothing left in me."

"Then why didn't you go talk to him?" He raised his eyebrow, getting me.

Yeah, why didn't I went up to him?

"Dean, keep it down." Daisy's soft voice made me look at her.

"How do you keep up with this. .thing?" I asked in a mock genuine manner.

She smiled.

"And, " I shot back at his impassive face ," I didn't went up because I was trying to wrap up everything and I figured might as well ask his little brother if he had the guts to approach him after what he confessed?"

Dean gave me a cool look.

"I have never cared about my older brother. It never , his death would never bother me. Who did it? What happened? Who caused it. . .I don't give a shit. But Ryan, he had always been living in my head and now. .the mist has lifted. I can see my brother." A faint smile took over this face and it hit me.

He looked like the young version of Ryan.

I was scared to voice my question but I had to.

I had to make peace with what his past.

"What did he go through?"

Dean had a glimmer of surprise .

"You sound like a brave girl , gotta give you that. And. . .my older brother pumped him with drugs by force. I had never seen it but I knew about it. White stuff would cover the bathroom floor, sometimes he would vomit in front of me and no words would pass between us. Maybe I got cruel and turned a blind eye because in a sick twisted way, I thought it was karma for ignoring me." He laughed . "I didn't do anything to get him out. I watched his destruction, Eleanor."

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