When I'd woken up this morning I saw that Farleigh was looking panicked. "Is everything okay?" I asked him as I looked at him and he shook his head.

"No one can find Felix." He said to me and I could tell that this wasn't like he'd gone out somewhere. I was now stressed.

"What do you mean? Was he not in his room?" I asked him as I stood up. Still in my dress from last night. We'd gone back down to the party at some point before coming back up but I hadn't seen Felix again that night. I'd seen Beth but not him.

"No, we don't know where he is." He said to me and I looked at him.

"We'll find him. We have to find him." I said to him and we went outside. Maybe he'd fallen into one of the ponds last night. That's where we looked and with Venetia. Everyone else had left last night or early hours this morning. It was just us. "Felix!" I shouted as I looked around. We all kept calling his name. None of us knowing where he was. There was a sharp hint of fear in my tone. I didn't even care how cold the water was. Or how wet my hair was getting. I had to look.

"Felix!" Vee and Farleigh shouted.

"Felix!" I shouted but there was nothing here. I've never been more scared. The fact that my best friend was missing and I had no idea where he was. That was until we heard it. Elspeth's scream. The scream that was so full of distraught. That I knew what it meant. She'd found him. But not in the way we wanted him to be fine. The three of us climbed out the pond and ran towards the maze. That's where he must've been. When we got in that's when I saw him. Felix's lifeless body. He was gone. I got to the floor and cried. He couldn't have been gone. This. This wasn't real. My best friend. The one guy I counted on so many times. He was gone. Lifeless. I instantly went and took Vee's hand as I hid my head on Farleigh's shoulder. As I just cried and shouted.

"Darling, darling boy. My darling boy. Help me move him. We need to get him inside. Get him warm." James said and it was making this situation feel worse. Vee had let go of my hand. But Farleigh still wouldn't let me go. "I just need to get him warmed up. Felix, darling, where's your jumper? Hmm? Where's your jumper? Come on now! Help me!" James said and he tried to move Felix. We couldn't move him.

"I don't think we can move him, James. I think...I think the police." Farleigh said. We needed the police.

"Yes. Yes, come away, darling. It's nearly lunch." Elspeth said and she walked away. That's when I let out another cry. We had to act like everything was normal now but it wasn't. It never could be normal.

"Yes." James said and he stood up and walked away. I then hugged Vee and Farleigh and we all cried together. Everyone was upset apart from Oliver. As we sat around the table for lunch I'd completely dissected my pie. I couldn't eat. I was just staring at the chair. The empty chair beside Farleigh. Felix should be sat here. Not lying on some floor. I saw Duncan walk in and I looked at him.

"What is it, Duncan?" Elspeth asked him and I didn't want to know what this was about.

"It's the police, Your Ladyship. They're having trouble." Duncan said to her and she had a sip of water.

"What kind of trouble?" She asked him and I had a feeling I already knew what it was.

"They keep getting lost in the maze." Duncan said and I saw Farleigh look down. That was where Felix was. Still. Cold. Pale. Lifeless.

"And?" James asked and that's when I saw Duncan bend down to whisper to James. I didn't hear what he said. "Fine." James said and Duncan walked out of the room.

"Oliver, darling. Why don't you tell us about last night?" Elspeth asked, I know she wanted to talk about something else. But not this. Not the last place I saw Felix alive.

"Last night?" Oliver asked, I don't know why he was still here. He shouldn't be.

"Mmm. Did you have a lovely time?" Elspeth asked him and I didn't even want to know how his night went. It wasn't his right to have a party here.

"Yeah, it was, er, wonderful. Thank you." Oliver said as he looked around the room. I don't get how he wasn't sad. Felix was his best friend I thought.

"Oh, good. I think it was a hit. Don't you, darling?" Elspeth asked James. It was so fucked up that we had to be normal. I kept pushing my food around the plate. I didn't want to be sat here any longer.

"Oh, yes, a triumph." James said and this wasn't right.

"Yes. The house looked good, didn't it?" Elspeth asked him. I just wanted to shout for them to stop about the party.

"Beautiful." James said and I felt my eyes well up again. But I wasn't letting the flood gates open. I couldn't.

"And that cake was..." Oliver started. How was he the only one eating.

"Oh, did you like it?" Elspeth asked him and he hummed in response. "I never had any in the end. That's always the way, isn't it? You end up running around so much you miss the actual party." Elspeth said and that's when Duncan walked back in again.

"What now?" James asked him. I knew what this meant.

"May I be permitted to close the curtains, sir? Sir, the coroner's outside and May need to pass the window with..." Duncan started he didn't need to say the rest. I knew what he was going to say.

"Yes, thank you. Close them." James said and Duncan started towards the curtains. That's when my tears started to fall silently. Those were the ones that were the most painful. The silent ones.

"I don't normally like chocolate cake." Oliver said and I just wanted him to leave.

"Yes, it can be cloying, can't it?" Elspeth asked and I looked back at the empty chair. Felix probably would've said something at this time.

"Mmm, but last night it was so light." Oliver said and that's when I felt a lump in my throat. I had to keep it down so I started to try and eat. To push it all down. But all I wanted to do was gag.

"Yes, Lynn has always been an expert with cakes. Yes, cold hands, apparently. You have to have cold hands." Elspeth said and that's when the curtains started to close. The room going a shade of red.

"Mm-Hmm, I've heard." Oliver said and that's when I heard a thudding sound. Duncan was struggling with the curtain. "So the butter doesn't melt." Oliver said to Elspeth and I just looked at My food. God, it was so cold but I had to keep this lump in my throat down.

"Although I would think that applied more to pastry than to..." Elspeth said and I saw Farleigh. He was trying to hold his tears in. Vee, she was pouring a glass of wine.

"Duncan, just get them closed, for Christ's sake!" James shouted at him and I then started to have a drink. If food didn't work then maybe water would. If that didn't work wine would be next.

"Yes, I am trying, sir. I can't." Duncan said and that's when someone else closed them instead. "I'm so sorry." Duncan said and that was when the room was encased in red. I couldn't even think properly now. "I'm so sorry." Duncan said again. I then gave up trying to defeat the lump in my throat it had grown. I then put my head in my hands and just cried. Screw trying to act like nothing had happened. I heard the gurney go past and I just wanted to scream.

"Oh, my god. Er, may I be excused, please?" Farleigh asked and he went to stand up.

"No, we haven't finished lunch." James said to him and Farleigh went to walk away.

"Lunch is cold. You want me just to eat it like nothing's happening?" Farleigh asked and those were my thoughts exactly.

"What else is there to do, darling?" Elspeth asked him.

"Anything! Anything!" Farleigh cried out and it broke me.

"Baby, please." I said to him my voice cracking. When this whole lunch was over that's when we could grieve properly.

"Farleigh! Will you be quiet? Sit down and eat the bloody pie! Just eat it! Eat it and shut up! Eat the bloody pie! You're not the only person here with feelings. None of us wants your bloody American feelings." James said and I looked at Farleigh. He wasn't okay. We'd never be ok.

"I think it's delicious." Oliver said and I looked at him.

"Oliver, can you just shut the fuck up." I said to him. He shouldn't be here. Why was he still here?

"What the fuck are you still doing here? Wait, does no one else find it weird? No one else finds that weird apart from Y/n?" Farleigh asked and I saw Oliver look at the both of us.

"I wouldn't throw stones if I was you two, Farleigh and Y/n." Oliver said to us and I looked at Farleigh.

"Excuse me?" Farleigh asked him.

"What are you talking about?" I asked him.

"Please stop." Vee said to him and I wish we could.

"What is he saying?" James asked Farleigh and I. I shook my head. I didn't know.

"I...I have no idea." Farleigh said to him.

"What I'm saying is I would feel guilty too." Oliver said to us. He wasn't pinning this blame on us.

"Guilty?" Farleigh and I both asked him.

"If I was the one racking up lines the night someone died." Oliver said and that was it. I looked at Farleigh. Oliver wanted to ruin me this way. But making it so if anyone told I'd ruin my father's career. Who knew he probably would tell someone.

"Fuck you." Farleigh said to him.

"You piece of shit." I said to Oliver. He'd caught us out.

"That's not a denial." Oliver said to us and I shook my head.

"Is that true? Search Y/n and Farleigh's room." James said and I shook my head even more before crying again. This was it.

"Yes, sir." Duncan said to him.

"No." Farleigh got out.

"Get out! Both of you!" James said and I took the last sip from my drink.

"No, wait...erm..." Farleigh said while sobbing.

"What's happening?" Elspeth asked us both.

"Aunt Elspeth...Elspeth..." Farleigh started and he stared to look at her.

"Don't you dare look at her! Get out! I won't mention this to the police. That's all you'll get. Nothing more, ever again. Y/n, I'll never mention this to your father either." James said as the two of us walked out crying together. We then made it to our room to grab our stuff. It killed me knowing I'd never get to say goodbye to Felix properly.

"Y/n, I don't know what to do. I...I can't stay here." He said to me and I looked at him.

"Listen, if you go back to America I'll go you with. I won't let you be alone." I said to him as we had our stuff walking out of Saltburn. For the last time in our lives.

"Please, come with me." He said to me and he cried as we waited for the car to take us.

"I'll go with you." I said to him and I nodded. Now I had to think I'd what to tell Oxford. I wouldn't be back. I never would be.